“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.”
— Arthur Ashe
For the past eight years, the Delaware Valley Legacy Fund has been honoring individuals whose work and leadership advance the rights of the LGBT community with the DVLF HEROES Awards. On April 12, DVLF recognized the 2015 slate of HEROES: Straight Ally Deputy Commissioner Kevin Bethel, Lifetime Legacy awardee Gloria Casarez (given posthumously), Community HERO Ian Morrison, Nonprofit HERO American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania, Business HERO West Laurel Hill and Youth HERO, this week’s Portrait, Micah Rodriguez.
PGN: Congratulations! That must have been exciting.
MR: Yes, it was fun. I wrote like three different speeches. I ended up giving the first one I wrote. I wasn’t really nervous, I was just very emotional. It finally became real once I was there and had the award in my hand and was looking out at everyone. I felt so empowered when I gave the speech. I had a mini revelation that, Wow, this is getting to a lot of people! That I could make a difference by just sitting down and talking to someone.
PGN: Explain.
MR: I have a lot of people who come to me to tell me their stories, who just need someone to listen, to confide in. They want to hear my journey to help them with theirs because I’ve been through a lot. Like not getting along with my dad because he doesn’t understand my lifestyle, doesn’t want to understand it. Even though it hurts me, I move on because I know that I can’t change someone’s perspective. I just let it be. I just talk to my peers and people who I meet at work, folks on the street. By me talking to people and listening to friends and strangers alike, I might be the only person that listened to them. I may be the only person that they reached out to and got advice from. I think that’s part of why I was recognized. In the speech, I spoke about giving a piece of my heart to each person I meet, even if I don’t know them.
PGN: Tell me a little about you.
MR: I was born in Puerto Rico but grew up in New York. Then when I was about 2-and-a-half, we moved to Philly. I have two siblings, a brother who is wholly related to me and a half-sister from my father’s side. My brother and I have always been close, though things have been a little shaky between us lately. I moved out of the house when I was 18 to move in with my girlfriend.
PGN: What was childhood like?
MR: I got bullied a lot. At first it was because of my size — I was always overweight, I was always a bigger-set person. It never really bothered me, it just bothered me that other people cared about it so much! I was always loving and I didn’t so much want attention as I wanted to be loved back. I wanted understanding and compassion because I love interacting with people, really getting to know them for who they are and not for who they appear to be. So it was a struggle going through that. It started when I was in first grade because of my weight and then starting in sixth grade it was because of my sexual orientation.
PGN: In sixth grade?
MR: Yes, I came out as bisexual in middle school. I guess you would say I was impulsive. And people immediately started picking on me because of that, saying, “No one’s ever going to love you.”
PGN: How did you know that a) you were bisexual and b) what it meant?
MR: Well, “bisexual” was the only other word that I knew besides “gay” or “straight.” I knew I wasn’t gay or straight and I didn’t know the word lesbian. I did kind of still like guys so I decided I was bisexual. I heard some girls saying, “Yeah, I’m bisexual, I date guys and girls” and I thought, That describes me!
PGN: How did you come out?
MR: I came out to my mom in the kitchen while she was cooking yellow rice and fried chicken — thighs — and I was just looking at her trying to get up the nerve to spit it out. I stood there so long she finally turned around and said, “You’re making me nervous, what’s going on?” I stammered, “Well, I think … that I like girls in the same way that I like guys.” The first thing she asked was if I was sure. When I said yes she said, “I need you to hold on to that.” And here I am at age 20, still holding on, knowing that I’m queer. And I have new words now that I learned at The Attic.
PGN: Were your parents still together at that time?
MR: Yes, they’re separated now. They made it official and moved into separate houses when I was in 11th grade. My sister doesn’t live with us either, she’s a separate-household sibling. She’s the same age as my brother, 11, but a few days apart.
PGN: What groups or cliques were you involved with at school?
MR: Cliques, not so many. [Laughs] I was in the category of “awkward people.” I didn’t care if people had problems or disabilities, it never bothered me, so I had a lot of friends with physical and mental disabilities. The differences didn’t matter to me: They were my friends and they were there for me and vice versa. I didn’t get into extracurricular stuff until high school and then I got into music, singing and playing the piano.
PGN: Have you done any of The Attic talent shows and, if so, what did you sing?
MR: [Laughs] Yes, I have. The last time I participated I did a cover of Rihanna’s song “Stay.”
PGN: How did you find The Attic?
MR: Basically through my sex-ed class at school. They were doing a Q&A and I asked an embarrassing question. They were talking about safe sex and I asked, “What about dental dams?” The class was all female and I was at the time the only “out” female in the class. So of course everyone turned around and looked at me and stared. I got embarrassed and slunk down in my chair and lowered my eyes. But after the class was over, one of the facilitators came up to me and said that my question was very brave. She said that she appreciated it and that it was important for everyone to be safe. She told me that she knew of a place that would be good for me to check out. She said that she was co-facilitating a program called “Girl Talk” and invited me to go. I said sure and invited one of my best friends, John, because I was scared to go by myself. But as soon as I walked in, I fell in love with the place. The Attic is now a second home to me. No matter what is bothering me, as soon as I step through those doors, my heart gets warmed up. I instantly feel better about whatever is going on. The worst day turns into the best day.
PGN: Someone you’ve become close to at The Attic?
MR: OK, I’m going to try not to cry: Beth Pulcinella. She’s someone I’ve become really, really close to. She recently left for bigger and better things, but we stay in touch. She mentored me and saw me grow so much. When I first came, I didn’t know anything about the great big gender spectrum. I didn’t know about gay history, people like Bayard Rustin. I didn’t feel safe or free at school and didn’t know how to open doors to help other people feel safe or free. She was always there, at my worst or my best, she was at my side. I love her.
PGN: You mentioned Bayard Rustin as a hero. How important do you think it is for kids to know our LGBT history?
MR: I didn’t know anything about Bayard Rustin but I learned about him in high school. I went to a predominantly African-American school, Sankofa Freedom Academy Charter. They really focused on civil rights and freedom. What is being free today? I learned in a political-science class that he was the one behind Martin Luther King, Jr. [Hits table for emphasis] An out gay person of color was responsible for the March on Washington! It was motivating for me. Even though I’m not African-American, as a minority, a minority among minorities, it was inspiring. It powers me on. Even though we’re in a somewhat more liberal time and generation, it motivates me to keep pushing those boundaries that he did. I feel like I have a piece of his spirit. If he could do it at that time, I feel the responsibility to carry on his legacy in this generation. I feel blessed to have learned about him and other leaders.
PGN: What do you think we can do to make more young people interested in their history?
MR: I think the best thing to do is keep talking to them. I feel so bad with what’s going on now in school. The kids are coming out totally unprepared. How are we going to make it at college, how am I going to make it in a career? Especially for middle- or lower-income people, never mind adding being a minority on top of it. I think the best thing we need to do is get the schools to continue to work with groups like The Attic. I know things like that can work.
PGN: What do you want to do?
MR: I really don’t know, maybe something in the arts. I’m currently working with the Mural Arts Program as an assistant facilitator. But whatever I do, I want to make a difference. I want to make someone change their mind in a positive direction. I want to make people think critically.
PGN: What are you doing with Mural Arts?
MR: We’re working on a mural at The Attic. And we’re working on an intergenerational project with the John C. Anderson Apartments. It’s cool, part of it asks what being LGBTQIAA means to you and we have young and old people working together. What was it like coming out? Who were your gay icons? That sort of thing, and we have another amazing project called Gay Face. We had a photographer who took two pictures of each person, with their eyes closed and open. The kids painted these big backdrops for people to pose in front of.
PGN: You participated on a number of speaker panels with The Attic. What did that mean to you?
MR: It was wonderful, to be able to tell my story and have people listen to you … to be able to connect with people. It’s amazing, I started off just going to The Attic as a kid looking for help, then I became a summer intern, then I was introduced to the Bryson Institute and became a panelist. I started speaking to social workers and teachers, to kids in juvenile-detention centers and prisons, to high schools and middle schools, church groups. Whoever called us, we would be there. After training and teaching people the LGBTQIAA alphabet, the strongest thing you can do is tell your personal story. For them to know and get what we went through and to be able to ask us questions is a powerful thing. I’m happy and proud to be a part of that.
PGN: My least favorite chore growing up was …
MR: Laundry! [Laughs] I had to wash everyone in the household’s clothes and it was horrible!
PGN: Tattoos?
MR: I have my girlfriend’s name, Pau-laijha. It’s such a beautiful name. I have a Koi fish with my mom’s name under it. My mom and I got the same tattoos together but she has my name, my legal name, and my brother’s under hers and I have a small dragon.
PGN: A movie that makes you cry?
MR: “Titanic”! I wish there was a gay version!
PGN: Last thing that made you cry?
MR: When I lost my sons in a miscarriage three years ago.
PGN: Are you comfortable elaborating?
MR: I was going through a lot: My parents were breaking up and, though I know he didn’t mean to, my dad took a lot of his verbal and emotional anger out on me. I felt alone and wanted a family of my own, something that I knew was always going to be there for me. I was a teenager and thought it would solve everything. So I started talking to this guy and began intentionally having sex with him, trying to get pregnant. It got real really fast because my dad found us in the house and beat the guy up, gave him a bloody nose and it was very scary. I never told my parents, though I think my mom might know because I posted all about it on Facebook and she is Facebook friends with me! I also talked about it in my speech, because it was something that I lost that I thought I’d have forever. It still makes me sad. Every once and a while I’ll think, Wow, they would have been … years old. What changes would it have made in my life? Would I have my partner? Would I have made so much of a change in my life, because of the pain that I felt?
PGN: Was that before or after you joined The Attic?
MR: After, but I’d only been going off and on. I was going through depression and I didn’t think I could get mental-health care without insurance. I didn’t realize at first that I could go there and get free counseling. And I was scared to ask or try because I didn’t want my parents to know.
PGN: Describe a word beginning with the first letter of your name that sums you up?
MR: Magical. I say that because I do a lot of things that just seem like magic to me, things that happen and I don’t know how, they just do.
PGN: Why do you think you got the HERO award?
MR: It’s still sinking in. This morning I was thinking about the definition of “hero” and it’s someone who gives more than they have, knowing that it will be hard and knowing that there may not be a reward for it. I never thought about getting my name in the paper or being rewarded for it. I just wanted to make a change in the world. If there was one LGBTQIAA life that was not taken by themselves or by someone else because of me and my story, that was reward enough for me. n
For more information on The Attic Youth Center, visit www.theatticyouthcenter.org or call 215-545-4331.