The queer community is just about the most tolerant and accepting group of minorities out there, wouldn’t you say? You’re a gay man? Welcome! Lady-loving lesbian? Get your fine self over here! Not comfortable with what’s in your pants? I totally accept that! Yes, queer people of all kinds certainly are a beautiful family. But what about when it comes to bisexuals and asexuals? Why is it exactly that we’re so quick to welcome and accept our out and proud gay, lesbian and trans friends, but just as eager to turn away, judge and shame our a- and bisexy brethren?
Now, we’ve all heard the “it’s just a phase” excuse before. This excuse is most commonly used by straight, often homophobic, parents who feel as though it would be easier to deny than accept their child’s burgeoning identity. When I decided to come out to my parents, telling them I was a lesbian, they had absolutely no qualms or stipulations with what I stated as gospel. In fact, their exact words in response to my statement were “we already knew.” My younger sister, who identifies as bisexual, decided to relinquish her title of “straight” at the same time as I had. One would think my parents would be just as accepting. However, I can’t begin to tell you on how many occasions I’ve heard the sentence “it’s just a phase” tossed her way. Along with that old cliché comes frequent other favorites of mine such as, “You’re just confused” and “There’s a difference between thinking a girl is attractive and being attracted to her, you just haven’t figured it out yet.”
If having the validity of your sexuality questioned sounds bad, imagine having your entire sexuality as a whole denied. For those who are unsure, asexuality is when one has absolutely no feelings of sexual attraction to others whatsoever. Asexuality, while being somewhat uncommon, is sexuality nonetheless. The “it’s just a phase” excuse is often used in cases of coming out as asexual as well. However, excuses used more commonly often include, “You just haven’t found the right person yet” and “you’re young and you aren’t experiencing those sorts of urges yet.” Notice how the word “yet” is often used at the end of each excuse. This insinuates with much subtlety that asexuals will grow out of this “phase” of their life. Having an asexual best friend, I can personally confirm that this is not true. Telling me she was asexual about two years ago, she has never once gone back on it. Never once has she experienced a physical attraction to anyone male or female. However, she still appreciates aesthetics of both males and females and experiences romantic attraction to women, considering that she has had a steady girlfriend for over six months.
One could definitely argue that people do outgrow sexualities over time. One could say bisexuality is a stepping stone into identifying as gay or lesbian. One could also say asexuals really just haven’t found the right person to be attracted to yet. These are valid arguments. Even so, why should it matter? Sexuality is extremely fluid. Is it really such a crime to be gay one day and straight the next? The fact of the matter is that if someone claims to identify as something, who are we to invalidate that claim? People have every right to identify as whatever they feel is right for them and we, as members and allies of the LGBTQ community, should be as accepting and supporting as we can. Hell, if someone wants to identify as a bowling ball, we are in absolutely no place to tell him or her otherwise.
So this is a call to arms to go outside, look at some ducks, eat a Popsicle and just keep your opinions to yourself and try to be as accepting of others as possible.
Rachel Levin, 15, is a sophomore at Abington Senior High School.