When I was younger, I was frightened by the question, “Are you gay or are you straight?” I would respond by asking that person to rephrase that question without the attached labels. So in other words, I would prefer to be asked if I like males or females. Saying that brings less confusion for me because, in some ways, I am both gay and straight, and I believe that it is the same for many other people as well. This can happen when someone’s sexual orientation or sexual attraction does not match their romantic orientation or romantic attraction.
When people hear the phrase “sexual orientation,” they connect it to romance, gender, sex and gender expression. However, they totally neglect the phrase “romantic orientation.” Some people don’t know what it is or don’t think it exists, which adds to the stigma around people who do not fit along the binary lines of sexuality. We often talk about the blurred lines of people whose gender expression may or may not reflect their gender identity, or if their gender identity matches what society perceives as gay or straight. That is a topic that society as a whole is beginning to understand and accept because more and more people are becoming comfortable in their own bodies — but what happens to the person who, by their sexual orientation, society would deem straight but, by their romantic orientation, society would deem bisexual?
Let me paint a picture for you. I was watching “Jerry Springer” one day and a girl who self-identifies as a lesbian came on to confess to her partner that she cheated on her with a man. When the man she cheated on her partner with asked to be in a relationship with her, she stated she did not want to be in a relationship with a man. The person I was watching the show with said, “Well, that makes her bisexual then.” Now, he was my elder and I didn’t want him to feel disrespected if I tried to educate him on this topic. Although he was an older man, neither his age nor his sexuality had anything to do with his opinion — society does.
Society has a way of connecting everything relating sexuality to sex instead of romance and attraction. Because of that, I have been passionate about the topic of sexual and romantic orientation for a while now. I was also diving into my own self-identifying journey. During that time I turned to YouTube for support and information from people who were dealing with the same problem I was, to fit into some type of sexuality category set by society. Am I a lesbian or am I bisexual? One video I watched was made by YouTuber Ashley Mardell, who identifies as multiple things, which helped me to understand how romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation and how it is OK to identify as more than one label.
So, to the people who are worried about being romantically attracted to one sex but sexually attracted to the other, I say that it is perfectly normal. The fear of fitting into one label is the only thing you can control. Through all this, I have come to identify as fluid; when people ask me to elaborate, I state both my romantic and sexual orientation. Although most people don’t understand it, it starts a dialogue to spread knowledge and move towards acceptance.
Bethany Burgess, 18, is a freshman at University of Pittsburgh.