I love the holiday season! Any excuse to celebrate with friends and family is OK by me.
I joke that I’m a Christmas-loving atheist but the truth is I’ll take any holiday that combines good food, good will and great company. Not to mention shiny things. The Hindu celebration Diwali certainly falls under that category. It is the biggest and most important holiday of the Hindu religion. It is called the Festival of Lights and is celebrated to honor Rama-chandra, the seventh avatar (incarnation of the god Vishnu). The festival gets its name from the row (avali) of clay lamps (or deepa) that Indians light outside their homes to symbolize the inner light that protects us from spiritual darkness. It is observed on the 15th day of the month of Kartika in the Hindu calendar, which this year falls on Nov. 3 and is celebrated with family gatherings, glittering clay lamps, festive fireworks, strings of electric lights, bonfires, flowers, sharing of sweets and worship to Lakshmi. Some believe that Lakshmi wanders the Earth looking for homes where she will be welcomed. People open their doors and windows and light lamps to invite Lakshmi in. (Thanks, National Geographic.)
This week we spoke to Ricky Cintron, the president of the LGBT Hindu Satsang of Philadelphia, a community organization for LGBT Hindus and their allies. Namaste.
PGN: Tell me a little about yourself. Are you a Philly guy? RC: Yes, I’ve been here for 22 years, my entire life. Born and raised in the Olney section.
PGN: What’s life like in Olney? RC: It’s a little stressful because the quality of the neighborhood has gone down a lot since I was a kid. It’s not always the most pleasant place to live and I’m really, really hoping to find my own place soon and get out of there.
PGN: So you still live in the same house where you were born? RC: Yes, with my family.
PGN: I guess the consistency of living in the same home must be nice. RC: Um, yes and no. My parents and I don’t exactly have a really awesome relationship. But it is nice to have the same people around you and that familiarity.
PGN: Who was your closest friend on the block as a kid? RC: Well, that’s … I don’t think I really had any friends on the block. Most of my friends were at school, but I changed schools a lot so it was hard for me to maintain close friendships. It wasn’t until I went to college that I started making really good friends.
PGN: How come so many schools? RC: My parents weren’t pleased with the quality of the schools, so as soon as they could find some reason to pull me out they would. I changed schools three times in the course of my elementary upbringing.
PGN: What do the parents do? RC: My mom works in hospital administration and my dad, for the majority of my younger years, was making signs in a graphic-design firm. He also did some handiwork and construction on the side.
PGN: What traits do you think you got from either mom or dad? RC: I definitely got my creative side, my artsy side, from my dad. He did a lot of painting and drawing when I was growing up. From my mom, I’d say I got my sense of religion. My mom was a very devout Catholic and she instilled in me a very deep love of religion and spiritual practice. Even though I’m not a Catholic anymore, I’m still into religion and that’s something I attribute to my mom.
PGN: So you went from Catholicism to Hinduism. Did you try any other religions in between? RC: OK, so when I figured out that I was gay in about eighth grade, I decided to look at other religions and see if I fit any of them a little bit better than I did as a Catholic. I think most people already know what Catholicism’s position is on gay people, so I didn’t feel comfortable staying there. I looked into Buddhism for little bit as well as Daoism. I was a Wiccan for a little bit too. Then I got into high school and towards the end of my senior year, I found Hinduism. And I’ve pretty much been there ever since.
PGN: All that before you even graduated high school? That’s quite a little journey. RC: Yeah, I mean I’ve always loved religion and it’s always inspired me to want to explore more. Religion is very much like an iceberg and I think a lot of people only see the tip of religious experience, but there’s so much beneath the surface to explore and discover.
PGN: What was something that you discovered beneath the surface? RC: One of the reasons I felt the most comfortable being a Hindu is the fact that Hinduism is not a dogmatic religion. We have basic beliefs and concepts that are universal throughout different traditions and sects of Hinduism, but we don’t have one person or one book saying this is what you must believe and if you don’t you’re going to hell or some other uncomfortable experience. So there’s that, and the Hindu position on LGBT people is a lot more positive and pleasant than a lot of other religions out there.
PGN: Do you find a lot of LGBT Hindus? RC: Yeah, a lot more than I would’ve expected at first. I was at OutFest a few weeks ago with my Hindu organization and I was surprised at how many people came up to the table and said, “I was raised Hindu and didn’t realize that there was an LGBT organization for people of a Hindu background.” There were also a lot of people who weren’t raised Hindu but had an interest in the religion.
PGN: My experience with the Native-American community is that there’s a lot of friction when non-native people want to participate in (and appropriate) the culture. Do you find the same sort of resistance being a Hindu-practicing Puerto Rican? RC: Most of the experiences I’ve had have been relatively positive. I think because a lot of Hindu spirituality influenced American pop culture back in the ’60s and ’70s, it’s not unusual for someone who wasn’t raised a Hindu to adopt the Hindu religion. Occasionally when I go to a temple I’ll get some weird looks, but after a while people don’t seem to care that much. [Laughs.] It probably helps that I can pass for Indian too.
PGN: [Laughs.] You had me fooled! RC: Yeah, it does make the awkwardness a little more manageable.
PGN: What’s a misconception that people have about Hinduism? RC: I think sometimes people think it’s some sort of mysterious, weird, arcane, tribal religion that doesn’t have any deeper meaning to it. A lot of people just assume that we’re crazy polytheistic folks, when in actuality we have a very ancient system of philosophy that goes back thousands and thousands of years. It predates Judaism and Christianity and Islam and is one of the oldest religious systems in the world. Also, a lot of people assume that we’re very conservative on social issues, because a lot of people look to the treatment of women and people of different social standings in India. They assume Hindu is very oppressive and conservative when that’s not really the case. Unfortunately, some people misinterpret religious teachings and use that to justify their discrimination.
PGN: So back to you. What would you like as a kid? RC: I was very, very shy. I did not particularly care to make a lot of friends, I liked keeping to myself. Mainly because I had a very strong sense of difference, of feeling that I was different from everyone else. Having that feeling made me create a protective bubble that I didn’t want anyone else to cross because I didn’t feel that people would understand me. I was very religious, as I still am today, and I was also very interested in my art. I was always drawing and writing and doing all sorts of things like that.
PGN: Any siblings? RC: I have one older sister, we’re 10 years apart.
PGN: Were you close? RC: We didn’t have a spectacular relationship, I think I tended to annoy her as little brothers are wont to do — embarrass her when she had boyfriends over, that sort of thing. But we are closer now that we’re older.
PGN: What was the first realization that you were gay? Were you like, Oh no, I’m gay! or was it, Phew, I figured out what’s different? RC: A little of both. I figured it out when I had a crush on my best friend in eighth grade who was a boy. It was a weird situation where I knew that I was different but I also felt it was very natural. I never felt that it was something I had to fix.
PGN: The Catholic upbringing didn’t create any guilt on the subject? RC: A little bit. In Catholic school you are taught that you’re only supposed to have sex when you’re married and only for the purpose of procreation. I knew at the time that gay people weren’t allowed to get married so I assumed I would just never have sex. Then when I got older, I realized how ridiculous that was.
PGN: How did you tell the family? RC: That was quite the journey. When I was in my senior year in high school, I had a boyfriend who lived in Bensalem, and I would sneak off to his house. I’d tried to come out to my mother a few times without much success; she just thought that I was confused and tried to sweep it under the rug. My boyfriend’s mother was very uncomfortable with the fact that I was sneaking around behind my parents’ back, so she gave me an ultimatum that I either come out to my parents or I wasn’t gong to be able to see her son anymore.
PGN: Wow. RC: Yeah, so I wrote my mom a letter and tried to appeal to her religious side. I said, “You know, Mom, God doesn’t make mistakes.” And she came back to me after she read it and said, “Yes, God doesn’t make mistakes but he gives us choices.”
PGN: Ouch! RC: Yeah, so it became a very long, drawn-out drama with my parents sending me to a social worker because my mother very much wanted me to change and it culminated in a very tense group-therapy session with me, my parents and the social worker where nothing really came out of it. To this day, my parents and I honestly don’t have a very good relationship. I’ve come to the conclusion that I understand their religious position but I refuse to conform to it. I try to live my life as authentically as I possibly can.
PGN: How about your sister? RC: That’s a little weird in that she’s OK with it but we never talk about it.
PGN: You’re a student at Temple, what’s your major? RC: Religion. I’m in the process of changing my minor to LGBT studies because I like doing work in the realm of reconciling religion and spirituality with sexuality and gender identity. When I’m not in school, I’m usually here at the church doing things for Interweave, our LGBT group, and then I also started a nonprofit for LGBT Hindus. I also do a lot of writing and blogging and compiling my thoughts and formulating my opinion on different things for the Satsang website.
PGN: What does the Satsang group do? RC: We have three primary purposes: To nourish the spirits of LGBT Hindus and LGBT people interested in Hinduism, which we do by providing them with resources, community and validation. To create a space for LGBT Hindus and their allies to build community, make friends and gather for worship and other religious functions. And to educate the broader Hindu population on issues relevant to LGBT people and encourage local Hindu temples to adopt LGBT-welcoming policies.
PGN: Nice. Now for random questions. What’s a favorite piece of artwork you created? RC: I have a piece that’s very … well, I think it’s beautiful — a painting that I made of the Hindu god Ganish. It hangs above the little shrine that I have in my living room. It’s a bit abstract but I really like it.
PGN: Do you play any instruments? RC: I play the kirtals, which are basically little hand cymbals that you use to accompany music. If I’m at a gathering of people doing kirtan, which is the sacred devotional chanting, if they need accompaniment I’ll go up there and play for them.
PGN: What’s a favorite course that you’re taking right now? RC: I’m taking a course on death and dying. Which is very, very fascinating because that is a very uncomfortable topic for many people, so taking this class has allowed me to wrestle with that kind of issue. I’m also taking a fascinating course called “The Body and the Bible,” which looks at a lot of very contentious body-related issues in the context of the Bible. It touches on gender and sexuality and race, what the Bible text actually says as opposed to the popular opinion of what it means.
PGN: When do you lose your temper? RC: Honestly, mostly over religious things. When I hear people making ridiculous arguments that God doesn’t like gay people. I just get irate and say you don’t know what God thinks so how do you presume to speak for Him?
PGN: I can’t resist a guy who … ? RC: [Laughs.] Has a beard. Or tattoos.
PGN: The feature I get the most compliments on is? RC: My beard!
PGN: Best Halloween? RC: A few years ago I went to a family party — I don’t usually go to those — but it was a really nice time. I brought some friends from school and I got to dress up as one of my favorite videogame characters, Luigi from Super Mario Brothers.
PGN: Any pets? RC: Yes, I have a little Shih Tzu named Bella, which means beauty in Spanish.
PGN: Last meal on Earth? RC: It would be some rice and some dahl with some flatbread to go with it.
PGN: Favorite piece of clothing? RC: I’ve always been a hat person. I love hats and right now I have a black hat that I wear all the time and don’t like being seen without. Actually I can’t believe you caught me today without it!
PGN: Tell me about the coming holiday? RC: Diwali is the biggest holiday of the year for Hindus and for other religions in India like the Jains and the Sikhs. It is marked by the lighting of lamps, which celebrates the triumph of good over evil, over darkness. There are also fireworks, and it’s a bit of a combination of Christmas and Thanksgiving because families come home and exchange gifts and it’s a time for togetherness.
PGN: Any plans for this year? RC: I’m going to be celebrating it with the young-adult group from here at the church. I’m going to do a very traditional Hindu worship ceremony and tell a few stories about the holiday. Then we’ll all share a meal. PGN: [Laughs.] Yum. I hope you have room for one more!
To suggest a community member for Family Portrait, email [email protected].