With Valentine’s Day just a heartbeat away, we thought we’d talk about relationships, love and, yes, sex.
So is your heart palpitating with anticipation? Will you be stoking the flames that have been mere embers lately? Or will you be celebrating your love for your friends and family? Maybe you are taking steps to care more for yourself this holiday?
We decided to ask around and get some real live questions from people in the community. Our first question comes from Nelson, 46, in Bucks County. Nelson described himself as single and searching for love this Valentine’s Day.
“I just tested negative yesterday at Washington West Project,” he explained. “I’m very relieved. However, I did just have raw sex last week. Does my tryst last week count? How negative am I? There is someone in my life I really care about, and I think we’ll be taking it to the next level, but I don’t want to put him at risk.”
Nelson brings up a good point. For many of us, sex is a big part of Valentine’s Day. It’s a fun reminder of the ways to express your feelings and an opportunity to deepen intimacy. Testing for HIV and STDs can be a component of reducing your anxiety and allowing yourself to really have a good time.
It’s great that Nelson was tested — knowing your HIV status is important if you are sexually active. Even though Nelson tested non-reactive (negative), that only clears him for any unprotected sex that occurred six months ago or beforehand. So unfortunately, that does not cover his most recent sex-capade. There is a window of time when it comes to HIV, and that is important to know for whenever you test. Nelson should follow up in six months and not forget to get tested for other STDs that have a much shorter window period than HIV and are highly transmittable. And remember, the easiest way to eliminate pre/post-testing anxiety is to use condoms consistently and correctly. For Nelson, it will be important to wrap it up, follow through with routine testing (every six months) and encourage his love interest to test. This is another way for him to deepen their bond.
Next we met with Pete, 27, from Second Street.
Pete and his boyfriend, Akil, are in a sero-discordant relationship, meaning that one partner is HIV-positive and one partner is HIV-negative.
Akil told us how he likes to celebrate and do something special on Valentine’s Day as a romantic reminder of the first time he and Pete met.
“We’ve been together for a while now and Pete’s positive status isn’t a thing for us. However, on our routine Saturday-night date night, the condom broke and Pete freaked out. I think the risks are low, since Pete takes his meds regularly and we stopped as soon as we realized the condom ruptured. Pete wishes there were more options to protect me. He doesn’t want Valentine’s Day to be stressful.”
Pete’s concerns are common. The couple has a loving relationship and the last thing he wants is to infect Akil. First, we want to say that Pete and Akil are doing everything right. They’re using condoms, they stopped the moment they noticed something was wrong and they are talking about what to do next. Life can have unexpected circumstances. Being prepared can help allay those “uh-oh” moments.
A lot of people may not be aware of an immediate option for someone who has been exposed to HIV called PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis). This month-long pill regimen is available through a health-care provider but needs to be started within 72 hours of HIV exposure. This method has been shown to greatly reduce one’s chances of being infected with HIV.
When it comes to an option for long-term protection, we told Akil about a recent study that has laid the groundwork for a new method of HIV prevention in HIV-negative individuals. This study found that HIV-negative men taking PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis, or medications that stop HIV from attacking and infiltrating your immune system) were at a much lower risk of contracting HIV. There are many things to consider before deciding if PrEP is right for you: the cost, the commitment and the potential side effects. With either option, PEP or PrEP must be taken under the supervision of a medical professional.
After talking with Akil about all of this, he said that he’s actually looking forward to another Valentine’s Day. We’re sure that continuing on this same path of solid communication will ensure their longevity as a couple.
Lastly, we talked to Kerry, 19, from West Philly. Kerry is not seeing anyone special this Feb. 14, but he insists that it doesn’t matter because he loves himself and has a lot of dreams for what he wants to do in the future. He started off the New Year with a commitment to test regularly. When he went and got tested, his test result was reactive (preliminary positive).
His question is simple: “What do I do next? I honestly never expected it to be positive.”
This is a great example for us to share with you because it talks about the most important love of all: self-love. Even though he’s not seeing anyone at the moment, Kerry felt it was necessary to get tested for himself.
We talked with him about how important it was to see a doctor he trusts and could build a good rapport with. He should find a doctor who specializes in HIV or a primary-care doctor who is up on the latest HIV research and treatment plans. If you live in or near Philadelphia, Mazzoni Center providers can act as your primary-care and your HIV-care physicians combined.
At the first appointment, the doctor will want to run bloodwork to see how your body is responding to the virus. These labs are a good measure to understand when it is time to take medications. Some people may have to start medications sooner than others, but no one can know when without proper medical care.
People often have a lot of questions in the beginning, so it is important to create a support network. This can be reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, support group or even a certified counselor (like Mazzoni). We also recommend Kerry be patient and loving towards himself. An HIV diagnosis can feel overwhelming and scary but, like a puzzle, the pieces will come together and from surprising resources. Know that you are not alone.
We’re so glad Kerry had the courage to talk to us about his testing experiences and share them with you. Whatever the outcome, it’s always important to know your status so you can take the best possible care of yourself.
Wellness counseling at Mazzoni Center is a free service that allows you to meet with a certified counselor in a safe and comfortable environment. Whether it’s Valentine’s season or any other time of year, we can discuss your goals around disclosure, safer sex, sexual health and overall well being. We work with HIV-positive and negative men who have sex with men. Gift cards are available for those who qualify, along with tokens for travel.
Sign up for wellness counseling in February and you’ll receive a free “Cupid’s Care Package,” with everything you will need for a hot and steamy evening (including special donations from our friends at Duross and Langel on South 13th Street).
For more information, contact Richie Rotonta at 215-563-0652 ext. 277 or visit www.mazzonicenter.org/content/wellness-counseling.