Can a threesome save a marriage? That is a question “You, Me & Her,” — a frothy and glossy romantic comedy-drama, now playing in area theaters — attempts to answer. When a straight couple, Ash (Ritesh Rajan) and Mags (writer and producer Selina Ringel), open up their marriage, they become open to possibility.
After ten years and one kid together, Ash and Mags are stuck in a rut. In bed, there is a physical distance between them — made greater when Ash sneaks off to the bathroom to masturbate. Mags confronts him, “You could have asked if I wanted to,” to which Ash responds, “Would you have wanted to?” Such is the state of their sex life.
Ash and Mags are also frustrated by their jobs. She works with her father who undermines her. He is close to getting a major distribution deal for his weed business and has borrowed money he can’t pay back to fund the arrangement. As “You, Me & Her” opens, the couple is about to head off on a vacation — their first without their son, Kai — to the Punta Sayulita resort in San Pancho, Mexico. The getaway should help ease their stress and hopefully, rejuvenate their marriage.
The resort is fabulous — the film should prompt viewers to book their own getaways — and something about the change of scenery changes Mags. On the ride in, she admires a young woman cycling in a way that suggests great interest. And when Mags sees Faviola (Marianna Burelli) embracing her partner Manolo (Roberto Aguire) at the hotel pool bar, the couple takes notice of her interest and ask Mags and Ash to have dinner with them that night.
That dinner gets interesting when Mags and Ash learn their new friends are swingers. “Lovers of people,” they correct, before heading out to a strip club where Mags learns Faviola and Manolo are married not to each other, but to other people. As Manolo puts his hand on Ash’s leg, then his crotch, Ash confirms he is not bisexual. In the film’s woke acknowledgment of sexual fluidity, Manolo responds, “It’s 2025. Everyone’s bi!”
Mags, however, is more adventurous. Not with Faviola, who flirts with her, but with Angela (Sydney Park) — the aforementioned cyclist — a beach yoga instructor she meets the next morning. As Angela flatters Mags, the two form a connection, and Mags along with the supportive Ash are both curious to see where things go.
“You, Me & Her” may sound like a sex comedy, but it is less about the sex and more about how Mags’ bi-curiosity helps her (and by extension, Ash) live more honestly, and more authentically. “Is it OK if I say I’m into her?” Mags asks Ash, as if seeking permission to be queer. “Maybe I’ve always been attracted to women and never done anything about it?” she later wonders. Perhaps.
The film is very upbeat, not uptight, about how Mags processes her attraction which is both exciting and confusing for her. When Mags and Angela dance, and they kiss, it is one of the best kisses Mags has ever had. She even claims to have “felt seen.” That Ash does not feel threatened shows that while bisexuality may not be for him, he is not narrow-minded about it. In fact, he feels like an “active participant.” And while he hopes for a threesome with Mags and Angela, that may or may not ever happen.
After their holiday ends, and the couple return home, they receive a text from Angela that she will be in town and wants to meet for lunch. Both Mags and Ash are enthusiastic about seeing her again and invite Angela to stay over. But the possibility of a threesome gets complicated by various factors, including the couple’s friends Ben (Graham Sibley) and Tiffany (Anna Campbell), dropping by for trivia night.
“You, Me & Her” gets a little silly as it becomes farcical with Mags and Ash trying to get rid of their friends, or when an unnecessary Viagra joke delivers its expected payoff. The humor is meant to lighten the mood, but the film is more perceptive when it philosophizes about relationships. Based on the real experiences of director Dan Levy Dagerman and his real-life wife, Selina Ringel, the film delivers lessons about self-love as the non-monogamous Angela encourages Mags and Tiffany to make different choices, and “do for you,” which helps them feel empowered. When Mags declares she enjoys “the permission to be a version of myself I really liked,” that is the key to the film, not whether or not the couple have a threesome.
Ringel is appealing as Mags, and she sashays through the film like a true girlboss. As Ash, Ritesh Rajan is affable, but the film repeatedly emasculates him—whether he’s getting seasick while taking Mags snorkeling or struggling with credit card issues at the hotel. What he hopes to get from the threesome may be to feel more like a man, and the film could have explored that idea further. In support, Sydney Park is appropriately serene and thoughtful as Angela, balancing out the anxieties of her costars with aplomb.
“You, Me & Her” advocates for communication with one’s partner, and importance of expressing yourself in a relationship to have a better one. And for some folks, maybe it takes a threesome for that to happen.