As I write this column, we are just a few weeks away from arguably the most actively and intentionally anti-LGBTQ+ federal administration ever. It’s going to be a rough few years for many of us. Here are 10 things we can do in the year ahead to support ourselves and our families legally, emotionally and communally.
Make sure our legal parentage ties are as secure as they can be. Taking additional steps to secure parentage is especially important for nongestational and nongenetic parents, whose legal relationships with their children may still be called into question because of bias and discrimination, even if they are married and on their children’s birth certificates. LGBTQ+ legal experts therefore advise both married and unmarried LGBTQ+ parents to have the security of a court judgment (an adoption, court order of parentage, or equivalent), not just a birth certificate, to protect their child-parent relationships. Visit lgbtqparentage.org for a brief guide that GLAD Law and I created which explains more.
Protect our families further with wills, powers of attorney, and health-care proxies. Trans parents may also have additional legal needs and concerns; see the Trans Legal Survival Guide from Advocates for Trans Equality for more information. For all of the above legal issues, it is important to get advice from someone well-versed in LGBTQ+ family law in your specific state. If you need assistance, the National LGBTQ+ Bar Association maintains a Family Law Attorney Directory of experienced LGBTQ+ family law practitioners. Additionally, several major LGBTQ+ legal organizations offer helplines that can address questions, provide attorney referrals, and direct you further: GLAD Law Answers Legal InfoLine, Lambda Legal’s Help Desk, NCLR Legal Information Hotline, and the Transgender Law Center. Find them all with a quick online search.
Talk with our children (if they are old enough) about their ongoing feelings around the election and the incoming administration. My son, when he was younger, would hear things from classmates and see headlines that could be frightening. I tried to assure him that not everyone thinks the same way, that we do have a system of checks and balances, and that his family will be here for him no matter what.
Be as out and visible as we feel we safely can. No matter what happens over the next four years, LGBTQ+ people aren’t going anywhere, and must continue to remind people of our presence. We should temper this with reasonable precautions about our safety and an awareness that our children may sometimes wish to come out about their families in their own way and time — but if we feel able, being out and visible in our communities can do a lot to spread understanding and to make people think twice before saying or doing something queerphobic.
Find community. We’re going to need each other more than ever for both practical resources and emotional support. This could involve being part of a local queer parenting group or online support group, engaging with other LGBTQ+ parents on social media, or turning to existing family and friends. Seek out the community (-ies) you feel you need, and welcome new members in turn.
Stand with and speak out for people of marginalized groups not our own. LGBTQ+ people won’t be the only ones targeted by the incoming federal administration. We will all be stronger if we can build a network of understanding, allyship and assistance.
Stay informed by reading reliable news sources, both mainstream and niche — but crosscheck facts across several sources to avoid spreading misinformation. Take time, too, to occasionally read niche news sites or blogs that focus on identities not your own. I’ve found this is a great way to gain perspective, and I hope it helps me be a better ally.
Continue to fight book bans and to support the publication of quality, LGBTQ-inclusive, diverse children’s and young adult books. Unite Against Book Bans (uniteagainstbookbans.org) is a good starting point for learning how to stand against censorship in your community and beyond. You can also buy LGBTQ-inclusive children’s books, borrow them from (and suggest them to) local libraries, and share ones you like with family, friends, and on social media.
Reach out to our elected officials about issues that matter to us. Even if they aren’t the people we voted for, we shouldn’t let that silence our voices. (See USA.gov for contact information.)Know that we are strong. The suggestions above are based on ones from a similar column I wrote eight years ago at the start of the first Trump administration. While the threat is greater now, I believe, since Trump and his allies have more experience behind them, I also know that our community is still here and still queer. That gives me hope for the next four years. It won’t be easy, of course. We will have to support each other — especially our transgender and nonbinary members, who bear the brunt of the new administration’s anti-LGBTQ+ attacks — as never before. We and our children have shown strength and resourcefulness time and time again, though, across millennia. May we hold that in our hearts as we and our families find joy in each other and resilience for the year ahead.