“We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
In 1993, Carrie Jacobs and Daren Wade started the Attic Youth Group. Since 2000, the organization has been known as The Attic Youth Center and their mission has been to “create opportunities for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning (LGBTQ) youth to develop into healthy, independent, civic-minded adults within a safe and supportive community and to promote the acceptance of LGBTQ youth in society.”
One of the people helping achieve that mission is this week’s Portrait, Brian Graves. Graves is the center’s Development & Communications Coordinator and brings their passion for writing, media and event coordinating to their job. On Jan. 18, Graves will be hosting their birthday celebration with a fundraiser and show featuring acoustic live music from local performers Persephone, Maiasia, and Cut’s by Christy. The event takes place at 7 p.m. at the DuBois-Robeson People’s Center, 4515 Baltimore Ave. The recommended entry fee is $10 but no one will be turned away for lack of funds. All proceeds will be donated to The Attic.
This conversation has been edited for length or clarity.
Happy early birthday! Let’s jump right in, tell me a little about yourself.
I’m from Lancaster City, in Lancaster County, PA. It’s a small city but there was a lot of diversity, and a lot of creative people. It was a surprisingly very blue city in a red county.
What was your favorite thing about growing up there?
Just growing up around so many different kinds of people, especially in high school where even the teachers came from all different backgrounds. Lancaster is a sanctuary city, so there were people there from all over the world. We had students who faced food and housing insecurity and students who were very rich all in the same school together. I think being around that spectrum translates to who I am now. It taught me compassion and empathy for others.
What did your folks do?
My mom was a nurse. She worked in a variety of caretaking roles, assisted living situations, etc. Later in life, she went into dermatology. My dad was a well-known barber in the Lancaster area, but he wasn’t in the household for much of my growing up. Both of my parents were very social and popular people.
Any siblings?
Yes, I’m the oldest of three in the household but I have many step- and half-siblings from all over.
What’s a fun family memory?
I have two. My grandmother lived in Florida so every summer, my siblings and I would spend the summer with her in Miami. And then every year at the end of summer, we’d go to Wildwood for Labor Day weekend. We always looked forward to that. Actually, we have a large extended family so anytime we get together, it’s like a party.
What were you like as a kid?
I think very much like I am now, just with different priorities and a little more knowledge about myself and the world. I was very nerdy. I was the kid who always had a fun fact to share and I would read the newspaper so I could learn new words. [Laughing] I was nosy too, so I was always listening in to the adult conversations. I was involved in music and theater in high school, but high school is also where I started noticing marginalization and discrimination toward myself and other students. It’s when I got really interested in advocating, for myself and others. It’s propelled almost everything I’ve done since.
What were some of your extracurriculars?
I was involved in student council, I tried sports — tennis, cross-country and swimming — but I was too invested in theater so there were a lot of time conflicts. And the plays always got priority!
What was your favorite show to do?
It was a Gershwin show called, “Crazy for You.” It involved singing and tap dancing. The act-one ending had a tap number with about 50 people! It was euphoric!
Fast forward to college. I read you went to Temple University?
I started at Temple as a journalism and poli-sci major. I’d been the editor-in-chief of my high-school newspaper and loved it. I was at Temple for one-and-half years, but 2016 was a hard time for journalists so I took some time off and then went to Millersville University as an English major. I knew that I still wanted to write, but I wanted more creativity. After three semesters, COVID hit and I tried to stick with it, but virtual school was not for me! I moved back to Philadelphia with the plan to be a sociology major at Temple, but I got an amazing full-time job and that was that! I’ll get back and finish school at some point.
What is the Lancaster Changemakers Collective?
In 2020, there was a lot going on in the world. A friend of mine and I wanted to create a space to have conversations about situations that were detrimental to the community and find ways to move towards sustainable, positive change for the Lancaster community. The idea was to find ways outside of the protests that were happening to empower local residents with knowledge of social and political issues. We had open discussions, book clubs, rallies, social events and community involvement opportunities.
The organization is still thriving and making changes to this day. In fact, this past spring there was supposed to be a drag queen story hour at the public library in Lancaster. A few of the country commissioners were not happy with it and made it clear on social media. The day of the event, they had to cancel it because there were bomb threats and suspicious packages sent to the library. My organization wrote a letter to the county commissioners on behalf of the event and got local businesses and organizations to sign on. The letter basically asked the commission to apologize for their role in what happened that led to threats of violence and destruction. That’s an example of the types of involvement we do.
You’ve also done a lot of work with young people, correct?
I’ve been everything from a preschool teacher to camp counselor.
And now you’re at The Attic Youth Center.
Yes, it’s great. The Attic is the only center that exclusively provides services and resources to LGBTQ+ youth, ages 14-23.
Were you an Attic kid?
No, I was in Lancaster where we unfortunately didn’t have an LGBT center for youth. But this job is the first one that really brought all of my interests together, all the things I’m passionate about. In Lancaster, I was a camp counselor and a pre-school teacher and worked with youth and young kids, preschool through high school. I also worked briefly here in an elementary school. I truly believe that children are the most oppressed demographic on earth so to be able to advocate for them in my role as the Development & Communications Coordinator and uplift their voices to make sure that they’re heard is fulfilling. I came of age along with the rise of social media so handling the communications comes easily to me. And I also get the chance to communicate with the youth to see what things are going on in their lives and in their minds and what they think about the state of the world.
How was coming out for you?
[Laughing] I don’t think I really had to! I was kind of lucky in that I think as soon as I was born, everyone knew. It was just apparent and I had a solid group of friends who were all kind of weird and we were all discovering ourselves together, so by the time that I was in high school I was very comfortable navigating that element of my social life. With my family it was like, “I have a crush and it’s on a boy” and no one was surprised. When I explored my gender identity and started identifying as nonbinary and using they/them pronouns, that was a lot harder. I had to come out again in a different way because I was asking everyone to view me and refer to me in a new and different way. Especially the adults who were so used to knowing me one way and now going, “Hey, this is me now and these are my new pronouns.” But that went well with the family too. I’m very lucky.
Nice. And I understand that you’re a poet as well.
Yes, writing poetry was something that just snuck up on me. I was keeping a lot of ideas and one-liners in my notes app on my phone for years. One day, I decided to start organizing them into something concrete and spent a few years compiling them into poems. I was able to put them together for my first book, a collection of poems called, “Peaches.” Last year, I did what I call a “remix” collection where I took some of the poems from Peaches, wrote some new ones, added some illustrations that I did, and released it as a new work, “Greetings From Down Here.”
What subject matters do you speak to in your work?
A lot of my poetry focuses on gender identity, relationships that I have with friends and family, romantic life, and mental health. I find that nature is also often a through line.
Why “Peaches”?
Peaches was a nickname for me that a few friends started using at about the time I started writing the poetry collection. Peaches is kind of my alter ego. The title for “Greetings from Down Here” comes because I was working at an elementary school and wanted to focus on my writing and wanted some of it to come from the perspective of my childhood self and the feelings I experienced as a child. So the title is like a child saying, “Hi! I’m down here…”
I’ve worked with kids before and it can be heartwarming and hilarious. What’s something that sticks out in your mind?
I think pre-schoolers are the really funny ones. They have huge, unabashed personalities and they soak everything up, especially language. Being a writer and communicator, it was so funny to see these little people try to understand and use language that they were just beginning to grasp. There was one time — and I think of this quite often — when I had a small kid, 4-years-old, and he was misbehaving. I said to him, “You need to behave” and he shouted back, “I am being hayve)!” It was so funny, the way they interpret language. At the time, a lot of the poetry for “Down Here” was being formed and it allowed me to start thinking differently, like, “hmmm, I never thought of that word that way.” I started looking at words in different contexts and playing around with them in new ways. As much as they learn from us, we also learn from them if we’re open to it.
[Laughs] Yes, and you have to be careful of what you say to the little sponges! My little nephew was visiting when he was 3 and he was upset about something and I said, “Hey buddy, what’s the fuss?” Well, the next day, something happened and he said it back to me, only with his little lisp it came out, “What the fuh?” which sounded a lot like something else and I thought, “Oh no, I’m sending him home with a questionable new phrase!”
[Laughs] I remember one little girl calling out to me from across the room, “Brian! Brian! He just stuck his finger up at me!” pointing to one of her classmates. I said, “OK, which finger was it?” and she held up her index finger. I said, “Well, I don’t think that’s a bad finger, but if you don’t like that we’ll tell him not to do it again, OK?”
It’s so hard not to laugh when they’re so serious sometimes. What’s something that moved you in your work at The Attic?
Working with any age group of young people is rewarding because there are so many opportunities to connect and make them feel seen and heard and affirmed. At The Attic, I’m not part of the programming, I’m more administrative so I don’t work directly with the young people, but I’m still around and available. And I’m 26, so I’m not that much older than some of the people in the program, but as a member of the staff, we’re often seen as role models or examples of queer adulthood, a queer person with a career and navigating life. And it’s heartwarming that even at that, too-cool-for-school angsty age, they still want to hang out with us for a few hours every day. It’s a chance for them to learn from our experience and a chance for us to be able to help them and learn from each other. It’s the best part of this job.
Lovely, so let’s do some oddball questions. Who in your life makes you laugh the most?
Oh my gosh, I think me! I laugh at myself all the time.
What’s your zodiac sign and three traits of the sign that you embody?
I’m a Capricorn through and through. Traits? Determined, loyal and earnest. I wanted to say “honest,” but I think “earnest” is the third.
Favorite genre of movies?
It’s a tie between drama and horror.
Who are you most surprised to find out follows you on social media?
The movie director Boots Riley. He directed “Sorry to Bother You” and he recently followed me on Letterboxd. That was pretty exciting.
Did you have a stuffed animal or blankie as a kid?
I did! I had a Teddy bear whose name was Mr. Bear.
[Laughing] Not Peaches?
No! And I never knew what happened to Mr. Bear. I guess my mom got rid of him at some point.
A favorite quote or line?
A lot of my poetic influences come from music and musicians. My favorite is Fiona Apple. Some of my favorite lyrics are from her song called “Red, Red, Red,” where she says, “I don’t understand about complementary colors/And what they say/Side by side they both get bright/Together, they both get gray.”
Well, here’s to being brighter side by side and a great birthday!