 in the LGBTQ+ community. Some names have been altered.){kind=link}
This story is the third part of a series on alcohol use disorder (AUD) in the LGBTQ+ community. Some names have been altered to protect the privacy of the interviewees.
Alcohol has been flowing for weeks, since Thanksgiving kicked off the holiday season. Parties have been non-stop — and with them, drinking. New Year’s Eve looms — the biggest party night of the year. Toasting the New Year is de rigueur.
Many people will opt for a “dry January” as their first New Year’s resolution. A body cleanse, some call it. “Dry January” is a public health initiative launched in 2013: Remove alcohol from your diet for 31 days. The idea is for people concerned they drink too much or too often to slow things down. It’s also for anyone looking to start the year on a refreshed, healthier note.
“Addiction sneaks up on you,” said University of California Davis Health patient navigator and substance abuse counselor Tommie Trevino. “When someone starts questioning whether they have a problem, I suggest they abstain for 30 days. I say, ‘If you can’t stop for 30 days, why not?’ Then we may need to reevaluate the person’s relationship with alcohol.”
That’s what happened to Geoff Montrose after his partner, Jack, died suddenly during the pandemic. As he told PGN, he wasn’t used to being alone so much. In addition to his grief and the isolation of his loss due to the restrictions of the pandemic, he began self-medicating with alcohol — a common response to trauma, experts say.
At 59, Montrose felt too young to “be a widower” and the feelings of having no support sent him to a dark place.
“It was like I was jettisoned back to the years before I came out,” he told PGN. “I was unmoored. I had friends, but no one could really grasp what I was going through when Jack died.”
He said, “And when you can’t have a funeral or memorial service, it’s like the death never happened. The loss isn’t real. It was just incredibly isolating and I was feeling so lost. Working from home just exacerbated everything. The minute I was off that last Zoom meeting every day, I was in the kitchen pouring the scotch.”
Dinner often was skipped because he was already buzzed.
“I began to lose weight,” Montrose said. “I was looking haggard and old and I was crying even more over Jack, not less. It was a really bad time and I had no idea how to get help.”
Montrose said he was fortunate that two of his closest friends, alarmed by his weight loss, staged an intervention and he has been working on his sobriety.
What the experts say
As Executive Director of Women in Transition for 30 years and as President of the Board of Directors of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Roberta L. Hacker addressed issues of substance abuse in her work as women often self-medicate to cope with domestic violence. Hacker told PGN, “The use of alcohol is quite common, as it is generally socially acceptable. Happy Hours sponsored by bars and restaurants, getting together with colleagues after work, or social gatherings with groups of friends and family often provide the opportunity to start drinking and developing a serious problem with alcohol consumption.”
She said, “People tend to use alcohol to escape from unpleasant and stressful experiences, like losing a job, going through a divorce, or dealing with a death in their family or a close friend.”
As was the case for Montrose.
It was also what happened to Laura Kimball after she came out as bisexual to her family. She and her husband of 22 years had recently finalized their divorce, “pretty amicably,” she said. So she thought it was a good time to tell the couple’s two children, a high school junior and a college freshman, that she was bi.
“I honestly thought that we were all coping so well with the split between me and Danny that it was a good time to say this so that if I started dating women — Danny was already seeing someone — it wouldn’t freak anyone out.”
She was wrong. Her son said he wanted to go live full-time with his father. Her daughter demanded to know if this was why the couple had split up.
“I felt so defeated and shamed,” Kimball said. “I felt like a bad wife, a bad mother and a bad person. Alcohol helped calm me down.”
Hacker said, “Drinking every day is not a prerequisite for developing an alcohol use disorder. Some of the most dangerous alcohol use conditions often involve binge drinking or drinking large amounts of alcohol in one sitting, rather than consuming a few drinks daily.”
She said, “It is when people can’t stop drinking, even when drinking affects their health, puts their safety at risk and damages their personal relationships that we are talking addiction.”
She adds, “Alcoholism impacts more women than men, who have unique experiences and challenges, displaying different issues and needs that may be essential to address in order for them to achieve and maintain long-term recovery.”
Women at higher risk
Excessive alcohol use is unhealthy for everyone. However, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), alcohol use poses other health and safety risks for women.
Women who drink are more vulnerable to brain and heart damage than men, according to scientific studies. Alcohol increases the risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, liver, colon and breast among women. Their risk of cirrhosis and other alcohol-related liver diseases is higher than for men. And women are at higher risk of developing an addiction to alcohol than men.
Addressing the problem, getting help
Dr. Jennie Goldenberg has been specializing in trauma for years. She spoke to PGN about the complexities of coming to terms with alcohol addiction and with accessing help to achieve sobriety.
“In my experience with clients struggling with substance-use disorders — particularly alcohol — they are often coming into therapy for other reasons: predominantly relationship issues, complex trauma histories, anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress. Although I always ask the questions during intake and assessment, it is often only after many sessions, and a therapeutic relationship has been established, that clients will trust me enough to speak more honestly about the role substance use plays in their lives — how much and how often they turn to it.”
Goldenberg said, “This is understandable due to the shame and stigma. Minimization of substance use and its effects is common in my experience. This is true for my straight clients as well as LGBTQ+ folks.”
Trajectory of recovery
Kimball said she has cut back her alcohol use, but is not ready to give it up.
“I don’t feel able to stop drinking entirely at this point,” she said. “I think I need the safety of alcohol to quiet the buzzing and bad thoughts in my head. And I also feel that I need a drink if I am going out to meet people, to help me relax and to feel more self-confident.”
But she does acknowledge that she has to keep her drinking controlled.
“I don’t want my kids thinking I am one of those wine moms on top of what they are already processing about their mother who is suddenly not just Mom, but a sexual creature,” she said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come out when I did, but they need to know who I am. And that it doesn’t change my love for them one iota.”
Addressing the whys of addiction
Goldenberg said, “Once admitting the prominent role alcohol and other substances play in coping with trauma — and this may take a very long time — help needs to be accessed, and it’s often hard to find. The scarcity of mental health providers in general and those trauma-informed providers who deal specifically with substance use disorders, is a well-known and entrenched problem. In addition, and unfortunately, not every provider is an ally.”
“Another important point I’d like to raise — and I know this might not be a popular view in the recovery community — is that AA and NA groups [Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous] have high recidivism rates. They simply do not work for everyone. And for marginalized groups, they may be harder to access due to the prevalence of homophobia and transphobia within many of these spaces.”
She adds, “The heavy emphasis on a belief in a Higher Power, the reciting of a Christian prayer and so forth, can also cause discomfort among many LGBTQ+ folks who have not had good experiences within religious institutions, to put it mildly.”
What care should you access
Getting help is more difficult than people think, which is another reason AA has been so popular — it’s free and it’s available daily.
Goldenberg explained, “For those with the most serious substance-use issues, inpatient treatment is prohibitively expensive, even if such facilities could be accessed.”
She continued, “In addition, for many of my clients who are struggling with post-traumatic stress, the underlying trauma needs to be treated as well as the substance use disorder. They are often seemingly inextricably connected and continuously influence each other.”
Goldenberg has concerns about the impact of minority stress and the incoming administration on people already in vulnerable communities who are dealing with trauma. She underscored how recovery from addictions is an ongoing process and takes time, dedication and good help.
She said, “It takes time, skilled mental health providers and non-shaming drug and alcohol counselors, and a supportive family and community to help someone struggling with substance-use issues. How LGBTQ+ folks can access such support while swimming in a sea of homophobia and transphobia, daily micro-aggressions, stigma and shame, is a daunting prospect.”
She adds, “As panic rises in the gay and and trans community, due to the frightening prospect of this incoming administration, I’m afraid more and more folks will be turning to substances as a familiar but self-destructive means of coping.”
PGN thanks everyone who spoke with us so candidly about their experiences with AUD. Not everyone was quoted here, but everyone PGN spoke with informed this story.
Resources
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
1-800-662-HELP (4357)
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
niaaa.nih.gov
The Family Center of Thomas Jefferson University
215-955-3792
1233 Locust St., Suite 401, Philadelphia
American Addiction Centers
LGBTQ+ Drug and Alcohol Rehab Centers
(888) 987-6393
americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/lgbt
Mazzoni Center Recovery Group
Wednesdays at 5:30 pm in-person at 1348 Bainbridge St., Philadelphia
Thursdays at 12 p.m. virtually
215-563-0652 x 215
mazzonicenter.org
Women for Sobriety
womenforsobriety.org
Read Part 1 in this series: Tis the Season: America’s Most Common Addiction
Read Part 2 in this series: LGBTQ+ people speak on alcohol abuse, addiction