Self-discovery amid the darkest nights

As I write this, both the presidential election and Halloween are looming. Yes, a time of monsters and dark evil, and also a holiday where candy is given to kids in costumes.

The election is surely weighing on all of our minds, thanks to Donald Trump’s shadow over the whole affair, and what a potential second term for him would mean for the LGBTQ+ community, for migrants and for anyone who prefers living in a democracy. Honestly, I am not sure if I will be tied to a computer that night, nervously hitting my F5 key to refresh every few seconds, or if I would rather hide under my pillow hoping against hope for good news at the end of the count.

Yes, as if you did not already know, I am hoping for a win by Kamala Harris.

I want to — for my own sanity, at least — to think more on Halloween at the moment, even if the holiday may be relegated to half-off candy sales somewhere behind countless hastily prepared yuletide displays.

You see, Halloween is a deeply, shall we say, magical time. Halloween — also known as All Hallow’s Eve — day begins on the evening of the 31st of October, and lasts into the first of November, celebrating the first day of winter. It is viewed as a liminal space, sitting between the light and the dark side of the year, Wirth May Day as its polar opposite.

As such, it was seen as a time when the veil was thin, when the boundaries between this realm and others was thin, and spirits could travel into this world. You can easily see how such beliefs have shaped what Halloween is today, with the focus on ghosts and ghouls.

Yet that “thinness” is also a time of magic and divination, where we can see our futures. It’s a time for new beginnings, and to travel new paths for ourselves.

More to the point, this then has deep connections to things transgender — particularly for those newly discovering themselves.

To me, Halloween should be a moment when we can share our desires, and explore ourselves. When we can dance in those peripheral spaces between the mundanity of our existence, and the fantastical spaces of our wildest imaginings. This is when we can show our wildest, most fantastical selves.

For many, Halloween may well be the first time we present in our preferred gender, under the safe ploy of it purely being a costume we’ll wear that one time. We get a moment to experience ourselves as we may have always pictured us, with less fear of repercussion, and when a greater moment of being treated as we might expect, even if it may be a simple pantomime of reality.

There is huge strength in this.

Then, the first of November comes, and we may just crash back to reality. Before you do, however, consider your desires manifested, and take this moment to consider what your next moments might be.

Perhaps you discovered…nothing. You had fun, and now you can put everything away. That is fine and valid. Life is, in essence, about discovery, and self-discovery is the more important of them all. Not all things are for all people, and you are all the better for knowing.

Perhaps, however, you felt something profound, and grasped onto a feeling that you need to feel more of. Of course, this too is fine and valid. You may have to do some deep thinking in your future. Take that discovery, and begin to think about the next steps you may wish to take. Again, maybe you wish to take no more steps, or perhaps these winter months will be a time of study. Curling up with a few good books this winter might be a nice pastime. Or, you may wish to consider the need to talk with others in your life about your feelings, and discover new allies as wintertime moves along.

I would, of course, be remiss if I did not also harken back to this election for a moment. Depending on the outcome, we could be in for some very dark years for transgender people, and this, too, is something to consider. There is wisdom in protecting yourself, and staying safe as long as you can in dark times, knowing that no one can take away whatever seed is buried deep in your soul.

I’m not going to sugarcoat things. Even if Donald Trump loses, these remain difficult times for trans and LGBTQ+ people. A large number of jackals have awoken across the world, and they are looking for targets. While some of them may indeed turn to knives and guns, know too that their biggest weapons may lay in crushing our spirits, and seeking up to turn to sorrow and despair.

I’m going to choose to hope, however, and know that, just as winter eventually turns to spring, that this election season will lead to blossoms of possibility for a better, and a happier future for a new life.

No matter what, however, I invite you to take whatever knowledge you may obtain as the veil is parted, and take heart in it. Know that there is boldness, and power, and yes, magic in knowing who you are and — as the time is right — sharing yourself with the world in whatever way you choose to.

Day will follow night, whether it is in the mists of All Hallow’s Eve, or in this reality of 2024, and we shall feel the sun on our skin once more.

Gwen Smith has always preferred the spaces between the margins. You’ll find her at www.gwensmith.com.

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