Jacob Kelley: Making history a drag

“Struggle is a never-ending process. Freedom is never really won. You earn it and win it in every generation.” ~Coretta Scott King

Recently I’ve had a chance to participate in a few workshops that paired older members of the LGBTQ+ community with folks from a younger generation. I was heartened to hear how eager the current crop of LGBTQ+ youth and allies were to learn about our history in order to avoid repeating it. It helped that the most recent session was run by Jacob “Jake” Kelley who hosted the event as their drag persona Trixie Valentine. Kelley made history fun with trivia games and discussion prompts and presided over the event with clarity, wisdom, humor and a vast knowledge of history and health information. Kelley is an expert in sex education, risk reduction, STIs, HIV, LGBTQIA+ related topics, and gender- and sexuality-related education. They also train individuals and corporate clients, locally and nationwide, on queer-inclusive sex education and LGBTQIA+ inclusion. They also do content writing and consulting under the banner of their company Mx. Kelley Queer Education, and their secondary company Juicy with Jake. Oh, and they’re also currently pursuing their doctoral degree at Widener University. They are a Human Sexuality Philosophy candidate. I had a chance to chat with Mx. Valentine about the state of affairs today. Some responses have been edited for length or clarity.

Which part of the country are you from?
I’m originally from Berwick, PA. I grew up in a rural town where being queer or identifying with the LGBTQIA+ community was considered a sin, a bedroom secret never to be talked about.

Yes, I heard you speaking about that at the workshop. But before we get into that, let’s talk a little about the family first. I understand you have two siblings?
I do. One is my twin and then I have an older brother.

Identical or fraternal twin?
Fraternal, but we look a lot alike. They’re slightly taller than me, and they serve in the United States Navy.

And the folks?
My father was in the navy too but he’s retired now. My mother works for a company where she counsels people and I think she retires in two years.

What was little Jake like as a kid?
I was actually a very quiet and reserved child. I was very active in several organizations that focused on making change. I re-started a diversity club. I worked on an anti-bullying club. I was in the marching band as part of the color guard. I was in theater. You name it, but when It came to being talkative, that was just not me.

I believe I read that like me, you are also biracial.
I am. My father is Japanese and my mom is white. They divorced when I was about 2 years old and my mom raised us until I was about 11 and then I went to live with my dad from the age of 11 on.

It seems like you got traits from both sides, the counselor side from your mom and the more disciplined side from your military father, and that you also have some traditional Japanese cultural values and traditions that you’ve incorporated into your life.
Yes, I was raised in a household where we had defined roles as to how we were supposed to act and behave. My actions were considered a reflection of my elders. As the younger people in the family, we were supposed to respect and take care of the elders. And yes, self discipline was a part of that. The notion of “all work and little play” was instilled in me by my father, who valued a strong work ethic, and it’s a quality I now possess. I genuinely cherish the traditions that were taught to me.

I know that most people don’t often realize that I’m Black or mixed and on top of that, didn’t peg me as lesbian either, so it’s led to some interesting interactions, mostly with white people either saying derogatory things in front of me, not realizing, or then trying to tell me that I’m not really Black.
Oh yes! I’ve had to “prove” myself as an Asian all the time! I actually went to a multicultural festival recently and I dressed in traditional Japanese clothing, a kimono etc. and someone actually confronted me, “Why are you dressed like that? Don’t you know that’s cultural appropriation?” And I was like, “No, I’m celebrating my culture because that’s part of the purpose of this festival…” Then they made another comment and I had to again reiterate, “I am literally celebrating MY culture.” Or people will meet my dad and not believe it or ask me if I was adopted. I was not adopted.

Oh yeah, my two siblings and I look like we’re from three different races, so we’d get that often as well. What would your folks say about you as a kid?
[Laughing] My mom would say I was stubborn! My dad would back that up. If I didn’t want to do something, there was no budging me. I think they’d also say I was too serious. I was all about school and getting things done. My siblings were more into going out and having fun, but I was more reserved.

Any twiny things?
Yes, we have a twin connection where I can tell how my twin might be feeling or doing even if they’re not around. We finish each other’s sentences and stuff like that.

Fast forward, what did you study and where?
For undergrad, I had a double major in psychology and communication with a concentration of interpersonal communication from Bloomsburg University.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a counselor, to do therapy. [Chuckles] That did not happen. After graduating, I enrolled into a master’s program and became a community health worker with a focus on HIV/AIDS and community organizing and outreach. I’d do educational outreach and testing for STIs and HIV. Then I moved up to case management.

How did you pivot to what you do now?
I finished my bachelor’s in 2016 and started my master’s in 2018 after taking a break for a year. My master’s is in Human Sexuality Education from Widener University. My work journey took me into working into the DEI field from 2021-23 and while all that was happening, I started a side hustle business. I was constantly being asked by colleges and companies to come give talks on sexual orientation and gender-identity development. It’s grown bigger ever since. I pivoted because I got tired of working for somebody else and wanted to do something I truly loved.

When you started, did you think you were going to incorporate drag?
No, I was just doing workshops, seminars and lectures when I started the company, though I’d been doing drag since 2014. I never saw myself teaching or facilitating in drag, until someone asked me if I could do a workshop on drag, in drag. I did and it was great fun. While I think I’m charismatic as me, I think in drag as Trixie, I’m much more animated and playful. It brings out a different vibe.

That must be fun.
Yes, I do a lot of corporate gigs too and they’re great, but a lot more structured and planned out. I really love when I can do the events as Trixie and do like I did with your group, drag trivia. I’ll also do drag bingo, story circles, all sorts of things. Even when I’m talking about things like STIs and infections and disease, I try to make it more interactive, not just “here’s a PowerPoint” on it. “We’re going to get juicy with it and talk about why we have feelings about not wearing condoms or navigating boundaries.

I saw the video with the little virus and bacteria-stuffed animals.
The plushies! Those are actually microbe STIs. They can be very effective in seeing representations of what we’re talking about.

I used to be on the local board of GLSEN and we did a lot of workshops with young people for the Unitarian Church and they had a policy that no questions were out of bounds. We didn’t have to answer, because we weren’t professionals but the kids could ask, which could get scary at times, for me more than the kids! What kinds of questions do you get?
A lot of the questions are around consent. They’ll ask things like, “If I get to second base, do I still have to ask?” They’ll ask what things count as sex and if they can get STIs if they’re only touching skin, and I also get questions about sexual identity and sexual orientation. A lot of it is trying to find terminology that’s appropriate.

What’s been the most meaningful feedback to you?
I’ve had a lot of people come out to me after the sessions. A student will pull me aside and say, “Can I ask you a question?” One student not too long ago said things just clicked for him after the workshop and that the way I talked about it made him feel like ignoring the things he’d read on social media about homosexuality and instead concentrating on how to personalize his own journey.

Tell me the theory about coming out vs. coming in?
Well, of course people are still coming out, but we’re adding the additional process of coming in. Coming out is finally speaking out despite what we fear which could be shame, rejection or vulnerability — that “we’re here, we’re queer” moment. Eventually, it’s just the norm for us. We’ve come out, We’ve established that we’re queer or whatever and now it’s about inviting people into our lives. Letting them — our families, our co-workers, etc. — know who we are, who we’re in a relationship with, what’s important to us. If we change that narrative, it gives us higher ground and lets people know that they are being given the honor of being invited in. That there’s more to it than just knowing our sexuality or gender expression. This is about getting to know our family, our interests, and our commonalities. That’s coming in.

Got it. I like to use the expression, “I’m not going to be in your face with my sexual orientation. I’m going to be in your life.”
That’s good!

Thanks. So how did you pick your drag name?
I just liked the name Trixie. I played around with several names but really liked Trixie. It made me think of a pinup girl from a calendar in the ’50s. And as for the last name, I started doing drag on Feb. 16, 2014 and two days after Valentine’s Day, so I went with Trixie Valentine!

I like it. What’s the first thing people say they notice about you?
A couple of things, one is my smile [laughing]. I’ve been told I have a really good smile. I try to be very kind and genuine with the way I interact with people. And the third thing is that even when I’m not in drag, I like fashion. I have an array of dresses and jumpsuits and a lot of jewelry to choose from.

I saw your pictures on your website and you’re very stylish dah’ling.
Thank you.

Have you ever been attacked by an animal?
Only the human kind. On two different occasions, I was harassed and chased by men, the first time when I was 16 and out for a walk when a blue Ford truck drove by and threw things at me from the windows of the truck while yelling out the F-word at me. The most recent one was in 2017. I was again out for a walk on a lovely fall night. This time, it was a white Chevy and it was a similar encounter. Both times, I ran home or to my safe space.

Was bullying a problem growing up?
Yes, I’ve been bullied since I was 6 years old. I was very accustomed to the ignorance of people. I was one of the students who started an anti-bullying club at the school.

What got you through that time?
Friends, and I had a good relationship with my guidance counselor. She was able to talk me through a lot, so that helped. I also relied on my siblings. My older brother was the captain of the football team, so letting them know I was associated with him helped as protection in a way. And the fact that I was ready to fight when I was in high school helped. I thankfully never have had to but I made it clear I was ready to if needed.

Is your twin queer as well?
Yes, we both got bullied.

Sorry to hear that, but I’m glad you had each other. OK, now for some random questions. Did you have a stuffed animal as a kid?
I did. My favorite animal is a tiger, so I had lots of those.

If you had someone you’d want to lecture, who would you pick?
My first thought would be a roomful of mayors and police chiefs and city leaders, but on second thought, I would like to add the school board from my hometown. They just passed or are about to pass some anti-trans policies and I’ve reached out to them several times to no avail, so I’d love to be able to educate them on the topic before they start making or changing policies.

How about two mentors/role models you’d want to meet?
One would be Lily Zhang and the other would be Laverne Cox. I’ve heard her speak before and it was very inspiring. She is full of wisdom that I appreciate.

Favorite piece of clothing?
[Excitedly] My favorite piece of clothing? That would be my dress. It’s a multi-colored dress with mostly orange and different colors. That’s definitely my favorite outfit!

And finally, a favorite quote or saying?
It’s something that I use for my business and to get me where I am today. It’s from Ayesha Siddiqi. “Be the person you needed when you were younger.”

Lovely!

For more on Jacob Kelley, visit juicywithjake.com.