There are some truly unusual beliefs about how a transgender person transitions, with the most glaring example being presidential candidate Donald Trump’s recent claims that elementary school students are going off to school, then coming home a couple of days later — and somehow managing a surgical transition during that time.
This claim is well outside the realm of reality and possibility, of course, but like anything that comes out of his mouth, there are adherents who might believe it. I personally suspect that the former president munched up several ideas and spat that out without much time spent on logic. Just more pablum to spew at his supporters.
The basis of this, though, seems tied to fears of the lack of parental control over trans kids at school. Some trans youths do indeed test the waters outside of the home, opting to use a new name and identity on campus, away from parents who most likely would not approve of their child’s transition goals.
I suspect that disapproval is, quite frankly, why their kids may opt to hide their trans selves at home, but I digress. If you knew your parents were going to disown you — at best — would you want to risk coming out to them first, or would you opt to seek out other people in your life whom you can confide in? I know which option I’d take.
It is important to separate the idea of a social transition and a surgical one, which is deeply conflated in the above. The former may simply be changing outward appearances with a different outfit, a fresh set of pronouns, and a name of their own choosing. Unlike Trump’s claims, it’s certainly not going to include surgery.
For the uninitiated, while some surgeries can be done on an outpatient basis, such as an orchiectomy, transition-related surgeries are not necessarily simple affairs. Many will require several days in a hospital, as well as weeks of aftercare. I feel like I don’t need to even bring up the obvious fact that the school nurse is not equipped with an operating room tucked somewhere in the administration building on campus.
Yet, many believe transition is a quick or easy process, so much so that they assume people will go from one gender to another via some sort of whip pan camera trickery. This is where you get the idea that a transgender person might transition to, oh, sneak into women’s rooms for nefarious purposes or to excel at women’s sports.
Additionally, some have claimed that the greater number of trans youth today is due to a “rapid onset” social contagion — versus better information being available — causing people to decide they are transgender or nonbinary with alarming speed, without considering what that even means for themselves.
This is not the reality of being transgender.
I’ll illustrate this with my own experiences. They’re not universal, mind you, as we all have different paths in this world, but I think they’ll be useful for illustrative purposes.
I first realized something didn’t add up when I was three years old, and first learned that transition was possible when I was eight. Again, this is not the same as every other transgender person, and there are countless reasons one might learn they are transgender or nonbinary at other ages — but it’s not uncommon for us to know in childhood, as I did.
I also knew my parents would not approve and hid it for many years. Heck, for much of my teen years, I buried my trans nature so deeply that I could almost fool myself into believing I wasn’t.
That is also not an uncommon experience. We spend a lot of time trying to understand this part of ourselves, and an even larger amount of time trying to figure out a way to “cure” ourselves of it. We may seek out pursuits that are strongly tied to our birth gender, assuming we simply need to try harder to fit that gender.
As I said above, I knew things weren’t quite right at three, and knew transition was possible at eight. I repressed my feelings as best as I could for years, and only started to come out around age 25.
Yes, a lot of people were pretty surprised I’d make such a rash decision back then, too.
We will spend years — decades — trying to deny our trans natures. It’s a dangerous world to be trans in, and getting worse by the day, so it should not surprise anyone that we might go deep into the closet and avoid sharing this — or try to suppress our feelings however we can.
For most of us, however, we do eventually need to come out.
This, I should note, is why people think it is “rapid.” If we went to great pains to hide our trans selves, and a non-trans friend or family member opted to ignore any possible “tells” along the way — as my own family did — then that moment of coming out will seem to come out of nowhere, and one might assume such a decision was made hastily.
What we’re not doing is rushing off to school and letting someone else perform surgery on us between 4th and 5th period. The notion is ludicrous — but consider the source of that.
It’s not like Donald Trump has ever been a close friend of the truth, no matter what he named his social media app.
Gwen Smith has lived more years in her correct gender than in the one she was assigned at birth. You can find her at www.gwensmith.com.
