It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting with my friend Sister Charlene Diorka, SSJ, struggling to come to terms with my own sexuality. I was trying to reconcile my faith with my desire to live as an out gay man and asked aloud if I needed to part ways with the church.
“I don’t blame you if you want to leave but I know how important faith is to you. Keep in mind, for us Catholics — we are all baptized, and all of us have an equal share in the faith. Someone’s title in this church doesn’t give them any more ownership. You have spent 16 years of your life learning in the Catholic faith — you know it better than anyone. If you believe the core of the faith, then the choice really is: are you willing to stay to change it or leave it behind?”
That was a painfully hard question to answer. Trying to do that here in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia has been nothing short of torture. Former Archbishop Charles J. Chaput took every opportunity, both in speech and print, to publicly name LGBTQ+ individuals as “intrinsically disordered.” When LGBTQ+ Catholics were outed, he went to extraordinary lengths to threaten and intimidate any Archdiocesan institution who did not follow his doctrine of discrimination. His intentionally public actions to label us as “other” were a despicable display of someone who grossly misrepresented this faith for his own personal hatred.
There were so many nights where I would walk past St. Paul’s Church praying that the doors would someday be open for me. Even with Francis bringing our Catholicism into the sunlight and personally building a bridge for LGBTQ+ Catholics, the church is saturated with bad actors who have led with intimidation and fear, distracting us from what Jesus really wanted us to do: pay attention to those on the margins, walk with the outcasts and give unconditional love to everyone, regardless of what they looked like or who they loved, or what they believed.
For the past two decades, I would give St. Paul’s a chance and always leave disappointed. This past March, I could not believe what I walked into. Here I was, sitting at St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi Church, the first Italian American Catholic Church in Philadelphia and heard the lector say: “Welcome to St. Paul’s Parish, where all are welcome, and we mean everybody!” Our pastor, Fr. Paul Galetto, OSA took to the pulpit and delivered a blockbuster sermon on faith, hope and love that was so passionately inclusive, real, transparent and inspirational, people erupted in applause at the end of the Mass. Week after week, new parishioners were flooding the pews. Diversity, equity and inclusion was being baked into everything under the Augustinian friars’ leadership, resulting in a shared community joy impossible to miss.
In my lifetime, I’ve never experienced a place so inclusive and affirming. Every fiber of my being is seen and celebrated at St. Paul’s and I am constantly reminded of God’s boundless love for me and the opportunity I have to share that love with others. This was my faith in the light of day, the faith I know and the faith that knows me. The data tells the real story: over the past year, mass attendance grew by a whopping 42%; for the first time in over a decade, we have had more baptisms than funerals, our parish ministries have seen record participation and the composition of our parish is now reflective of an intergenerational congregation.
Even after all of that, I never expected to get a text from Fr. Paul — just hours after Francis’ announcement — asking my input for our “Festival of Blessing” happening this Thursday, Dec. 28 at 7:30 p.m. at St. Paul’s Parish, 808 S. Hutchinson St. With Francis telling us that “every single person is able and worthy to approach the Lord and his church for prayers of blessing,” naming specifically same-sex couples and couples not married in the church, St. Paul’s wanted to be the first to welcome everyone (family, chosen family, friends, spouses, loved ones, neighbors) to celebrate the abundance of God’s blessings. For me, this is more than a blessing, it’s the answer to my prayer.
While many see Pope Francis’ actions as revolutionary, for those who know this faith, while courageous in his conviction and action, he is simply reminding us of our truth. We are the faith that holds space for everyone. The faith that celebrates all of our God-given gifts and sees all of who we are. Built on a foundation of acceptance, we value every person’s dignity and worth and know the promise of unconditional love. It’s time we stop asking ourselves the question of “should we stay or go” and claim the faith that was ours from the start.