The most important part of my life isn’t my history, my work on creating community, or even this newspaper. It is my marriage. In fact I’d go as far as stating my marriage makes everything I do possible.
This past Tuesday, President Biden signed into law the Respect For Marriage Act. It’s 2022, and we are still having to fight to be able to marry the ones we love. Those of us who thought that the Supreme Court’s 2015 Obergefell ruling was the final say on the matter were wrong, especially now that the Supreme Court majority has become, what some might say, a spokesperson for the religious right.
The signs of how much the court has veered into the religious right’s pocket, was made clear by their ruling that struck down Roe v. Wade which took away the right of abortion and women’s right to control their own health decisions. At the same time the court struck down Roe, Justice Thomas, flexing his conservative muscles, made the statement that maybe the court should look at marriage equality once again. That hint was crystal clear, since we know his position already. But let’s say it again, for the record: Justice Clarence Thomas wants to end gay marriage.
That is what led to Congress passing the Respect For Marriage Act. I support the RFMA even thought it makes our marriages different then heterosexual marriages. The differences can be summed up in two points included in the bill.
First there’s a religious exemption for anyone who doesn’t want to perform a same-sex marriage. There’s no similar rule for those who don’t want to perform a heterosexual marriage.
Second, the bill makes clear the possibility that future same sex couples will have to be married in a state that accepts marriage equality in order to have that marriage be recognized in a state that does not accept it.
So, a couple in Florida, Texas, Alabama, or Mississippi couldn’t have a legal marriage if they tried to get married in that state. But if they traveled and married in New York, Massachusetts or California and then went home, their marriage would be legal. States like Florida would be forced to recognize a marriage from Massachusetts.
I should add here that if you’re already married, nothing should change. But there is still much to be concerned about.
For those who are criticizing Congress for not going far enough for marriage equality, don’t forget what it took to even get the RFMA passed: compromise. The RFMA was done as a safeguard not knowing what, if anything, the Supreme Court will do in the future.
I’ve been a foot soldier in the fight for marriage equality. My battlefield was my own state of Pennsylvania. We were successful to the point that marriage equality in PA was legal a year before the U.S. Supreme Court legalized it nationwide. I’m proud of that achievement, but at the time in 2014, I had to have uncomfortable discussions with a governor who had, shall we say, wild ideas of who we were and what marriage for us would be. I had to endure what today we would call hate speech, but at the core I knew I had allies in his office and with those discussions we could get the actions we needed. It was hurtful, but when I think of all those who are now able to marry, the work was rewarding.
Unfortunately we find ourselves at that point once again where we have to fight for something we thought we’d already achieved. Although, here’s a fact that works in our favor: 71 percent of Americans approve of marriage equality. Decades ago, when we started this battle for our rights, that number was probably close to zero. A ruling against marriage in the Supreme Court would be unpopular and suggest that those justices are putting their religion and politics against what a vast number of Americans believe is right. Is this a Supreme Court of religion and politics or a Supreme Court of the people and the law?
My history tells me that time is on our side, but it depends on some factors you might not think of. One of the most important factors is voting. Pennsylvania, a purple state, makes that clear. Our departing Senator, Pat Toomey, is no friend of our community or our right to marry. He did not support marriage equality, he’s one of those Republican Senators who stood in the doorway, both by voting against it on the Senate floor and by confirming Supreme Court justices who would vote against us if the opportunity arose. I’m happy to say that he will be replaced in January by Senator-elect John Fetterman, a staunch supporter of marriage equality.
Senator Fetterman happened because people came out to vote and they voted on the issues that matter to them. And marriage equality was one of the issues that mattered to voters.
When I talk with the youth of our community, I hear their dreams for the future. Many times that future includes a marriage and family. We all need to be in this battle not just for ourselves, but for everyone who happens to have that American dream: being with the one you love.