Let ’em know that you’re here and you’re queer with these Pride Month product picks designed to strike fear in the hearts of all the Ron DeSantises.
Happy Pride! Cake
Mention cake in the queer community and two things come to mind: the Colorado bakery that courted controversy when it refused to bake the oft-tiered confection for a same-sex wedding in 2012, and, according to modern colloquialisms, dat ass. Those citations notwithstanding, you can perfect your Marie-Antoinette impression when you slice up Bake Me A Wish’s “Happy Pride!” message cake (with rainbow sprinkles, of course) that sends $10 of every purchase to the Ali Forney Center. $65, BakeMeAWish.com
Roma Sheer Jogging Pant
If Peacock can reboot “Queer as Folk” this month, there’s no reason why we can’t reboot the sheer tops and bottoms (the kind you wear, not fuck) of the same era – like Roma’s “LOVE”-striped fishnet jogging pant with matching briefs and tank. One more night at Nation and peak nancy nostalgia would be complete. $27-$50, Amazon.com
#LubeLife Party Flavor
Buttercream-topped birthday cake banned from your summer diet? Get your Funfetti fix with #LubeLife’s water-based celebration-flavored lubricant guaranteed to get the no-pants party started. Fifteen percent of June sales will benefit the It Gets Better Project, with a minimum donation of $10,000. $8.99, Amazon.com
Bi Pride Beach Towel
All the sun-seekin’ bennies will discover your lust don’t discriminate when you unfurl the quick-dry Bi Pride beach towel (the Jersey Shore’s Asbury Park is a queer mecca this time of year) that weighs and packs 10 times smaller than conventional versions. $19, Amazon.com
Nina West X Dearfoams
Your Sunday-best outta-the-house slippers get a ROYGBIV upgrade via the Nina West X Dearfoams collection available in seven solid-tone colorways and one pink-trimmed glitter pair that screams “I might be in Walmart right now, but I got Target money, honey.” $26-$40, Amazon.com
Tom of Finland Playing Cards
You and the boys planned a tame game of five-card stud on a night in at your P-Town share, but these erotic Tom of Finland playing cards had other plans. Hard to bluff in the buff. $17, Amazon.com
Every Man Jack Pride Set
Musky-fresh scents like sandalwood, cedarwood, aged bourbon, and sea salt comprise Every Man Jack’s Pride Body Wash Set, which are really just olfactory invitations for your trick to stick his face in your pits. A portion of EMJ Pride collection proceeds benefit Rainbow Railroad. $35, Amazon.com
Nautica Pride Swim Short
No self-respecting homo would be caught dead in Nautica’s sustainably crafted knee-length Pride swim shorts – because sky’s out, thighs out, baby! – but 10 bucks says your straight-when-sober roommate is eager to show his LGBTQ+ support this month (even though he’ll still vote Republican this November). $23-$45, Amazon.com
Adidas Harden Vol. 4 Pride Shoe
Stomp the yard and stand up to LGBTQ+ bullies with Adidas’s sporty (and surprisingly attractive) Harden Vol. 4 indoor court sneaks, featuring a rainbow rubber sole and gold metallic embellishing for that little extra tink. $96-$142, Amazon.com
“Protect Trans Kids” Graphic Tee
If you’re the type that can’t resist an inexpensive statement tee, at least choose a message with meaning. In today’s “Don’t Say Gay” society, this one is especially necessary. $16, Amazon.com
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels