In 1994, the Insane Clown Posse released a record titled “The Terror Wheel.” It featured heartfelt classics such as “The Dead Body Man” and “I Stuck Her With My Wang.”
Why am I telling you this? Well, it could come in handy on a bar trivia night. But also because 1994 was when I realized that I wasn’t straight, and ICP is what I thought of when reading John Horvat II’s garbage column about stopping the “LGBT reign of terror.”
Now, who is Horvat? Why, he’s the vice president of the American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property. And why should we care what he thinks? Well, we shouldn’t. But considering the anti-LGBTQ clown car running the country, we shouldn’t forget that there are still plenty of so-called Christians who are willing to use their religion as a weapon against LGBTQ people.
In a Jan. 27 column for LifeSiteNews, Horvat proclaims that abortion and the gays must be smote, and the only way to do that is a return to Christendom.
But don’t worry. Becoming a Christian nation is good for everyone! Separation of Church and State be damned. Like, literally.
“Christians cannot impose their Faith on those who do not believe because Faith is a gift from God,” he writes.
Even if Christians can’t impose their faith since it’s a gift and all, that doesn’t stop them from imposing their judgment — even though that’s supposed to be God’s job — and their animosity for LGBTQ people, nor does it stop them from working to enshrine this animosity in law, which Horvat is all for.
“Christians can and should enact reasonable laws based on the natural law that call for moral restraint to form a just and harmonious society,” he writes.
The fact that’s he’s claiming that only Christians are moral is gross. After all, if Christians were this epitome of moral virtue, they wouldn’t be worshipping Donald Trump like Jesus.
What does he mean by “reasonable?” Because to him, LGBTQ people are terrorists, and he wants to scrap women’s reproductive rights. Is that reasonable? Or is that an imposition of his brand of Christianity’s morals? Very curious how he thinks stripping the humanity and rights away from people will lead to “a just and harmonious society.” I know I’m not the only one who would revolt against our Christian overlords.
Other social ills Horvat mentions are divorce, what he calls “procured abortion,” nudity, being transgender, and “the current mainstreaming of Satanic movements.”
A couple of questions: what is procured abortion? Is it, like, bespoke? Artisan? Is this a hipster abortion I’m too old and unhip to know about?
Also, someone should tell Horvat that nudity is normal and is pretty much the number one way to shower. Perhaps he’s a never-nude like Tobias Fünke.
As for the “mainstreaming of Satanic movements,” I don’t know what he’s referring to, but it’s for men like him that I wear a pin on my jacket of a ghost giving the middle finger that reads, “See you in Hell.”
Horvat also warns of the “dark yearnings of Antifa,” which helps explain what he means by a Christian nation. Antifa, after all, means anti-fascist, and it’s telling when someone says they’re worse than, you know, fascists.
“We should not be afraid to proclaim our desire to see Christ as King,” he writes, as if Christians were an oppressed minority who can only worship in secret lest they be arrested or beaten.
Liberals, Horvat writes, “have no scruples about stuffing a Drag Queen Story Hour world of perversion down the throats of society, despite protests from concerned parents.”
Look, I don’t know about the budget and capacity of Horvat’s local public library, but I certainly don’t know of a library that can create a worldwide Drag Queen Story Hour.
And it’s cute that he thinks drag queens represent perversion stuffed “down the throats of society” when he is basically claiming that regardless of what people who aren’t Christian want, the U.S. should be all-Christian-all-the-time. If he wants that kind of thing, he can go to church or Bronner’s Christmas Wonderland.
So when Horvat claims, “Only Christendom can be a truly just society for all,” I call bullshit. Or holy shit. Anyway, see you in hell!
D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.