This upcoming year is going to usher in challenges for most of us. Will we retain hard-fought rights under a (gulp) Trump/Pence administration? Will we see our friends or loved ones deported? Will we be forced to choose between a trip to the doctor and shoes for the kids? Will there be border patrols monitoring the Burger King bathrooms to make sure that we have the proper genitalia to enter?
Buck up: This week’s profile is proof that we can make it through the tough times that life throws at us. Born with severe hearing loss and a learning disability in an impoverished area of North Philadelphia, Jose Colon-Laird had the definition of a hardscrabble childhood. Now he runs his own company, CLC Cleaning Services. His goal is to be an inspiration to others and “to show that a gay minority with a disability can make a difference.”
PGN: You said your life was a book. Tell me about the first chapter.
JCL: I was born and raised in Philadelphia, Third and Erie. My family is from Puerto Rico; my parents were born there but were raised in the U.S. I started out speaking fluent Spanish but when I got to elementary school I was forced to learn English. It was tough but I caught on quickly. One thing you may find interesting is that my parents didn’t find out that I was deaf until I was 17. So I missed out on a lot of my education because no one knew. All that time they just thought that I was slow and didn’t understand things or that what they were trying to teach me was just going over my head. They finally figured out that something else was going on and transferred me to a different school with all deaf people. My first day, I thought I was in the wrong building because everyone was signing and I didn’t know what that was. But then one girl asked the teacher if she could take me under her wing and she’d go to lunch with me and teach me American Sign Language. Fortunately, I’m a quick learner: You teach me something and I’ll pick it up pretty quick.
PGN: That’s pretty incredible. As you know, you speak very well but with a bit of an impediment; no one picked it up?
JCL: No, a lot of people who should have been able to help students learn how to speak and to educate them never stepped up. People would always correct me and tell me I was pronouncing things wrong and kids would laugh at me, but no one figured out what the problem was. And so I got bullied a lot at school. My mother used to always yell at me to try to get my attention but then they finally took me to St. Christopher’s Hospital on Erie Avenue. They sent me to the ear doctor and they said to my parents, “Duh, your son needs a hearing aid!” That’s when I was able to hear everything that I’m supposed to hear. But you can’t make up for lost time, all the things that I missed out on growing up, not going to college because I failed tests at school. Not just because of being deaf — I do also have a learning disability and I do have trouble reading and I do have trouble writing letters. My husband is a lifesaver because he does all the paperwork for the business. I always tell people if I send you an email and you can’t understand it, just call me and we can talk.
PGN: So you speak three languages?
JCL: Yes, English, Spanish and ASL. And I read lips too! [Laughs] That’s why I keep staring at your lips!
PGN: Ha. I thought it was my new shade of CoverGirl. Tell me a little about growing up. What was your favorite toy as a kid?
JCL: I never got a chance to play with boy toys. I was always playing with my sister’s doll babies. So I never got into playing with G.I. Joes or racing cars or anything like that. [Laughs] Just me and my sister with the dolls.
PGN: Is she your only sibling?
JCL: You know what, there’s four boys and one girl, but they’re my half-brothers and sister. I’m the oldest.
PGN: And the parents?
JCL: My father killed himself at age 23. For the longest time my family told me that he was shot and killed, but that was a lie. My mother was a housewife and my stepfather was the only one in the house who worked. My childhood was a rollercoaster ride; a lot of people ask me how I managed to survive it. Watching my mother get hit all the time, and not just her, I’d get hit too …
PGN: Were you close to your father before he died?
JCL: You know, I never got to meet him. That’s something I really missed. I flew to Puerto Rico two years ago and visited my father’s grave. It was really hard, I think that’s one reason why I was always attracted to older men. I was looking for that comfortable cushion … which got me into a lot of trouble at times!
PGN: How old were you when he died?
JCL: About 5.
PGN: Moving forward, what did you do after high school?
JCL: I moved in with my mom’s sister. There was a lot that went down in my childhood that was not good: abuse, neglect, wearing the same old shoes, going to school in the same clothes. I tried to get into college but they said my education level was that of a child. My reading, my math, were all behind what they should have been, so I left home and it was tough. I had to learn how to survive in the real world with no love or support from home. When I spoke before about looking for relationships, you’re looking for that love and the lost time and a man to give you the knowledge that a father figure should have given you. That’s not what I got at home. I was molested at a young age and I was scared to tell anyone. Forgive me for being so graphic, but I was bleeding back there and I took myself to the hospital but I refused to tell them what happened. I kept that secret and never told my mother until after I came out as gay. Unfortunately, they acted like it was the molestation that made me gay but it didn’t play any role. I can say that because I had a boyfriend in high school before I came out later. After my mother found out, she beat me almost every day thinking she could beat it out of me
PGN: Yikes.
JCL: So what I did was I started dating a female friend of mine as a cover up and once my mother saw her in the picture, the beatings stopped. But then it backfired on me because she got pregnant. Now I have a 17-year-old child!
PGN: That was a pretty rough beginning.
JCL: Yeah, but now I want to use my voice to help empower people. To say, “Hey I survived hell and back, and I’m still here.” I’ve been neglected and bullied and molested, I’ve been in and out of therapy, I’ve been in and out of the hospital, I’ve been suicidal, but I’ve been blessed to survive it all and have a second chance.
PGN: When you left home, were you on the streets or were you able to find a place to go?
JCL: I stayed with my aunt. But I had to get out of there too. Because of living there, I missed my prom and missed job opportunities too. I had a job with the IRS stuffing envelopes and they loved me, but living with her I wasn’t able to stay there. After that I moved from place to place, I got into some bad situations, but I’m happy to say that I never got into drugs and never had to live on the streets or get into prostitution to survive. I did party a lot to bury the pain. It was hard to find acceptance in the community because of my disability and not being educated or the fantasy that people have of gay men. I tried doing some modeling and got a certificate and everything from modeling school but they said I was too short and needed perfect teeth. It made me feel like a failure.
PGN: How did you start to turn things around?
JCL: I just decided to let go. To let go of the pain, let go of the anger and forgive and to forget the past. But the toughest and most important thing was I learned to love myself and to become my own friend. I used to try to please other people, going to the gym to try to have the perfect body and changing to make other people happy. Now, if you like what you see, great; if not, then too bad.
PGN: When did you start the business?
JCL: Last year. It was Steve’s idea. I’d been living on SSI and welfare and he encouraged me to find something I’d like and make it a career. Being on disability restricts you; it put my life in hold. Because I was afraid of losing my disability if I worked full-time, I could only take part-time jobs, but now I have five businesses and two houses that are clients. I gave up my disability last year and I don’t regret it. It keeps me busy, it keeps me going and it keeps my mind busy. And it lets me share my story with places like the PGN. I had my ribbon cutting last year.
PGN: How did you and Steve meet?
JCL: I met him at a social event in Media; we both were not looking for anyone. He was a massage therapist and he gave me his card. I didn’t call him for a week and then I invited him over for coffee. We didn’t jump into it right away, we went in slow motion. And now we’re going into our third year of marriage and we’re building a future together. It’s great, neither of us are into material things and we both respect and accept each other.
PGN: Are you in touch with your family at all?
JCL: To this day, I don’t have a relationship with most of my family. They’re very religious and are always trying to change me or force me to read the Bible. My mother and I have gotten close though.
PGN: What advice do you have for entrepreneurs?
JCL: If you have a dream and you’re afraid to pursue it because there’s always so much going on in life, just stop and start doing it. It’s hard, but if I can do it, you can do it!
PGN: Who inspires you?
JCL: Jennifer Lopez. She’s from Puerto Rico and she too had a hard time being accepted. She’s a really hard worker and whenever I see her I think, If she can do it, I can do it. I can work hard too!
PGN: Tell me about coming out.
JCL: I came out fully right after my daughter was born, when I was about 21-22. I was working at the Lowes Hotel in Philadelphia as a dishwasher and a friend of mine at the time invited me to go to a gay club. It was Woody’s and, believe me, I was nervous. There were a lot of men and it wasn’t easy to process so much but I went home with a guy and right then I knew where I belonged. I found myself again. It was like a light breaking loose, no longer living life in private. But it was scary. I had to say to myself, It’s OK to be gay. You’re not living at home anymore, you don’t have to worry that Mommy’s going to hit you again. [Laughs] It was a time in my life where I was on pills for depression and that night, I skipped my pills. It was a moment to live life again.
PGN: Are you in touch with your kid?
JCL: No, and it breaks my heart because she’s not living in a happy life. She’s not finishing with school and I think she’s going in the wrong direction. I definitely will get in touch when she turns 18 and hope I can show her what’s important. I want her to finish her education and pursue something that will make her happy.
PGN: OK, some random questions. Do you talk in your sleep?
JCL: Steve tells me that I mumble in my sleep and that sometimes I cry in my sleep. And on occasion I’ll fight in my sleep. It can actually get a little scary for him.
PGN: What’s your go-to karaoke song?
JCL: I’d have two. The first would be “I Will Survive” and the other is a song called “Finding Yourself Again.”
PGN: What questions do you get the most from people about being hearing-impaired?
JCL: Were you born deaf? And they ask if the way I talk has to do with my hearing loss. Yes, to both questions. And they’ll ask why I move my hands so much and I have to explain it’s from using sign language. I’m used to talking with my hands. But the funniest thing I get is, “Why are you staring at me?” It’s not that I’m staring, I’m trying to read lips. I’m not sure everyone always believes me!
PGN: Do you ever use your superpower to eavesdrop on someone’s conversation?
JCL: Oh yeah, in the supermarket I’ll hear/read things all the time. You hear a lot of bad words! But they have to be right in front of me for it to work.
PGN: What’s a pet peeve?
JCL: It hurts me when I see people get frustrated dating a deaf person. If they can’t sign they get tired of having to write notes back and forth to communicate. I wish people would be more patient; someday you might be in our shoes. And you’ll be like, “Wow, now I see what it’s like to be different.”
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