A chance run-in in a laundry room may not seem to be the start of a romantic tale, but for Dean Metzler and Anthony Falatico it spurred four decades of love.
The Collingswood, N.J., couple celebrated their 40th anniversary last month.
Metzler, 66, and Falatico, 81, met in 1976 in a common laundry area of their apartment building at 16th and Pine streets; Metzler lived in the back half of the complex and Falatico in the front.
The couple took things slowly at first, waiting several years to move in together.
“We would spend one night at one person’s apartment and the next at the other. We finally just thought, this is crazy,” Metzler laughed. “We were walking up and down Pine Street carrying our clothes for three years.”
The couple lived in Philadelphia until moving to New Jersey in 1993.
In their early years, even though the atmosphere for same-sex couples wasn’t what it is today, the couple said they were fortunate to have been surrounded by supportive family and friends.
“Both families were very understanding and loving to each partner,” Falatico said. “My family absolutely loved Dean and, without my even asking, when my parents passed away, Dean’s name was included in the obituaries. And this was many years ago.”
Outside of family, they took part in a number of social activities to build community, Metzler added.
Metzler joined theater and knitting groups, and together they took part in a couple’s club, volunteered for ActionAIDS and joined an Italian-language group.
“That was how, if there was discrimination, we took the opportunity to come together, share interests and create a safe space way back when,” Metzler said.
Their faith has also been an important unifier for the couple, Falatico added.
“We both really have the same sense of values and our spiritual life is very important to us,” he said. “We’ve both had good relationships in church life; Dean is a Lutheran and I’m a Presbyterian, and we’ve gone to church together.”
Part of Falatico’s professional training is in church music; he’s played the organ, directed church choirs and has sung as a soloist at several Center City churches.
Falatico, a native of Utica, N.Y., earned a bachelor’s degree at Westminster Choir College before moving to Philadelphia in 1959. He later received a master’s in music from Temple University and served as the director of music at Girard College. He is now retired.
Metzler grew up in Johnstown and attended Carnegie Melon University for architecture. He moved to Philadelphia after a stint in the Peace Corps and went on to build a career as an architect. He is also since retired.
The couple was joined in a civil union July 29, 2001 — their 25th anniversary — in Vermont. They later had a religious ceremony with family and friends in New Jersey.
They celebrated their 40th anniversary July 29 with dinner and reading cards and well wishes from family and friends.
Falatico said Metzler’s positivity has helped make any challenges they’ve faced easier to navigate.
“The best way to say it is Dean doesn’t have a mean bone in his body,” Falatico said. “He’s a great person: very understanding, very loving. And sure we’ve had our ups and downs, but nothing major.”
For Metzler, he said he most values Falatico’s humor, and how well they balance one another.
“Everybody appreciates Anthony’s great sense of humor, and I appreciate that too. He’s a sociable person, and I can be but that’s not really my nature. He’s also a practical person; he’s the practical half of this equation.”
Falatico said honesty has also helped them survive hard times.
“It is difficult sometimes, but you have to never be afraid to say what you’re really feeling. What a lot of people do is when they disagree or they’re not happy with something, they just don’t say anything, and that can cause problems,” he said. “You have to just find the way to talk, to say what you’re feeling.”
“You also have to be open to let another person get to know you, the good side and the bad side,” Metzler added.
“Which can be a little hard when you’re young,” Falatico interjected.
“It is,” Metzler said. “Because you may not know yourself when you’re young, but over time it happens. You just have to be patient with your relationship, with your partner and with yourself.”