“A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.”
— Marcus Garvey
The way we often find cultural identity is when we see ourselves reflected in art and in the media. It’s where many of us learned that we were not alone and simultaneously that we were everywhere, in every country and from all walks of life. Films can show us what we share and what challenges or customs are unique to us all. If you feel like I do, you’re in luck. qFLIX, Philadelphia’s LGBTQ film festival, starts July 5 and runs for six days, with a variety of comedies, dramas and fascinating documentaries that reflect all aspects of our community. (Full disclosure: I was in charge of the committee that selected the majority of women’s films.)
There are too many films in the festival to start naming them, but my faves are the “Keeping it 100” and “Damn Danielle” short-film programs, as well as a fun trans feature called “Two 4 One.”
My conversation this week is with one of the festival’s co-founders, James Duggan.
PGN: Tell me a little bit about James Duggan.
JD: I was born and raised in Levittown, N.Y., and when I was 17 I joined the Air Force. So I left home and became a nuclear-weapons specialist. I worked on the internal components of nuclear warheads. It was strange doing that at 18 years old.
PGN: Somebody must have thought you were a responsible kid!
JD: [Laughs] I guess they did! Well, I’d been an Eagle Scout and was always involved in community service growing up so I guess they thought I was up for it. They did do an FBI background check on me, though, which was also a little weird, for a teenager to be getting a background check.
PGN: And you were there at a time when it wasn’t OK for someone to be openly gay in the military.
JD: That’s right. I had to lie to get into the military and they did check. They asked me if I was a homosexual and I said no. I wanted to serve and that’s what you had to do. It was strange being there as a gay man, having to keep my identity a secret, especially when there were so many other gay men that I knew in the military.
PGN: So you obviously were out at least to yourself at that point.
JD: Yes, I knew that I was very attracted to men and I’d known that from a very young age. I can remember being 7 or 8 years old and my brother would look at the JC Penney catalog to look at the women in bras and I’d look at the men in underwear. So I knew there was a difference between my brother and I and that difference continued as I explored it while I was growing up. I started identifying myself, personally, internally as a gay person at 16.
PGN: Where do you think you got the desire to serve and do good work in the community?
JD: From my parents. My mom’s from Georgia and my dad’s from Brooklyn, and they both brought interesting dynamics and traditions to the family. They both felt it was very important to help people, to be there for people when they needed it. My father was an amazing man, he still is. He’s a lover, he always gave to people; it was amazing watching him with his employees and his customers, with his friends … the way he gave friendship and help so openly and my mother was the same way, she was a nurse. It imprinted on me.
PGN: So mom was a nurse and what did dad do?
JD: He had a landscaping business and nursery when I was growing up.
PGN: So even with a dad who worked with flowers you managed to avoid becoming a florist!
JD: I did, I did.
PGN: Tell me about your time in the service. How did you know about the other gay men?
JD: There were a lot. Actually I met my first lover in the service. His name was James too. We met and instantly fell in love with each other but he wasn’t gay! He’d never identified as gay, didn’t think of himself as a gay man in any way, but we had a non-sexual romantic relationship for two-and-a-half years. When he realized how much we loved each other, he was ready to take it to the next level and we became lovers.
PGN: That sounds like it could be a film!
JD: Yeah, the sad part is that he passed away the weekend we were going to move in together. It was a beautiful love story turned tragic.
PGN: Oh, my. What happened?
JD: He had a massive coronary, died of a heart attack. We were both 22 at the time and were making arrangements for him to move to Long Island. I was about to tell my family everything when he moved in. I woke up that morning — it was the first day on my new job — and he woke up not feeling well. I called my sister, who’s also a nurse, and said, “Please come check on James, he’s not feeling well and I have to go to work.” Things unraveled quickly and within a couple of hours I was back at the house, but he had passed away.
PGN: That’s a lot to deal with as a young person.
JD: It was, but you know, my father was the hero in all this. My father who, until that point, didn’t know I was anything but a heterosexual man, learned that I was in love with this man James. He held me and said, “You’re not going through this alone. You’re not taking his body back to Chicago by yourself and you’re not going to be alone at the funeral.” And he put aside any differences or thoughts he may have had and he came with me and stayed by my side through everything. So yeah, he’s one of my heroes.
PGN: Wow, that’s really a tale! I think he’s my hero now too. So when you left the military, what did you do?
JD: I was interested in the restaurant and nightclub-management business. I ended up working at a nightclub on Long Island and went to school to get my degree in marketing. From there, I moved into Manhattan and worked for Leona Helmsley.
PGN: The Queen of Mean?
JD: Yes, I was the manager for her Cafe de la Paix in the St. Moritz Hotel. I have to say I met her many times and she was always friendly to me. I had no complaints about her or her behavior or attitude. I was 23 and in a position of responsibility and she was wonderful to me and the other staff there. Though I did see her lose it on occasion with other people, so I can’t say she didn’t have that in her.
PGN: Did you ever see the cat she left $12 million to? Or was it a dog?
JD: It was her dog, Trouble. No, I never met him. I wish I did; that caregiver position was a nice job! After working at the café, I decided to go back to school and get a degree in psychology. After James died, I was searching for something and found it in the Catholic church of all places. I rediscovered my Catholicism and went to a very conservative Catholic university. I pursued my spirituality for almost 10 years in the church, where I studied to be a priest.
PGN: Ha. There was a guy I used to work with at the 2/4 Club ages ago who was a former monk. He said that he had more sex in the seminary than he did in New York in the ’70s!
JD: Oh really? That’s funny. I didn’t have that but my experience with the church was a very positive one. It helped me understand who I was and that being gay and Christian wasn’t an oxymoron, that I could be both.
PGN: I noticed that in your QUEERtimes post about Orlando, you ended it with a Bible quote.
JD: Yes, these days I consider myself a Catholic in exile. I think of myself as very much a Catholic but the church and I see each other very differently. While there are progressive voices in the church, the old guard is still entrenched. But my spirituality is strong. I work part-time at the Catholic church as a sexton but I don’t participate in the sacraments or in the services because I can’t be fully welcomed as an openly gay man.
PGN: How did you get involved in the queer community in Philadelphia?
JD: When I first moved here, I used to go to The Bike Stop a lot. One year, they invited me to be on their Pride float and as we were going down the street in the parade waving and celebrating, I saw antigay protesters with religious quotes on the signs. Something just set me off and I jumped off the float and ran over to them and started quoting the Bible right back at them. It became my thing and I staged a counter-protest every Pride for about five years. It gave me a voice in the community.
PGN: Nice, though I never pictured you as a Bike Stop guy.
JD: I was always on the second floor for the sports stuff. In school, I was more into the theater scene by the time I graduated, but when I was younger I played football and baseball and ran cross-country.
PGN: An actor, huh? What was a favorite role?
JD: We did “Bells Are Ringing” and I played Dr. Kitchell, and I also played Sky Masterson in “Guys and Dolls.” I loved that part because it was so different from me. He was the bad guy and I was always such a goody two-shoes.
PGN: How and when did you start QUEERtimes?
JD: I met Thom Cardwell at a GALLOP/GPPN Christmas party many, many years ago. We became instant friends and soon after started talking about doing some kind of Philly-centric food newsletter. At the time we were developing the idea, Michael Nutter was beginning to run for mayor for the first time. No one from the community was supporting him and I believed it was essential for us to get behind him and support his efforts, so I talked to Thom about QUEERtimes endorsing Michael Nutter for mayor. He got on board so we sent out a letter describing each candidate and explaining why we were endorsing him. It was a hit and I realized that people wanted to hear from us. That was almost 10 years ago and we’re still going strong. I think it’s important to have as many voices as we can speaking for and about our community.
PGN: And I guess your friendship with Thom got you involved with QFest and qFLIX?
JD: Actually, I started going to the LGBTQ film festival back in the ’90s when it was still the Philadelphia International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. I would go by myself and watch films. Then Thom and I became friends and I became more involved behind the scenes. I was devastated when the festival closed shop. I thought, Philadelphia is too big a city not to have an LGBTQ festival. It would have been the 20th year of the festival so I tried to see if we could take it over but that was a no-go, so I talked to Thom and we put a new festival together in two months! It was five days instead of the 12 people were used to, but it’s growing and I’m proud that Philadelphia didn’t miss a beat. It’s definitely a world-class festival.
PGN: I know why I think LGBT films are important but tell me what you think.
JD: To me it’s all about sharing stories. Without our stories, we can’t grow. Films help us become stronger, more passionate and more knowledgeable about who we are as a people. By telling our stories, from local to international, not only do we learn about each other but other people learn about us as well.
PGN: What are some of the things you’re looking forward to this year?
JD: The film I think I’m looking forward to the most is called “Play the Devil.” It’s an excellent film from Trinidad-Tobago that tells the struggles of different people. The film itself can’t be shown in that nation but we’re going to be showing it. But for me, I get most excited about the audiences, the people who come to the festival, making them feel happy and good about themselves. I look forward every year to seeing how people react to what we’ve programmed for them.
PGN: And speaking of people, are you single or partnered or other?
JD: I’m single but I like to say I’m on the cusp of discovery. I have wonderful people in my life but I haven’t settled down yet. And no one’s given me a ring so far!
PGN: What’s your favorite recreational thing to do (other than movie-watching)?
JD: Taking a long hike in the woods. I used to be a long-distance back-packer and once made a 143-mile trip across the New Mexican Rockies. Stealing time for myself is one of my favorite things, though I don’t often get to do it.
PGN: Remember your first boy kiss?
JD: Boy, do I! But the first one that meant anything was with James.
PGN: Celebrity you’d want to do a love scene with?
JD: Oh gosh, a young Brad Pitt!
PGN: I feel fiercest when …
JD: When my community is attacked.
PGN: Hobbies?
JD: I used to have so many but now there’s no time. I love to travel. I lived in London on a work-study program when I was 21 and spent some time traveling around. I back-packed through Europe for three-and-a-half months and had some amazing adventures.
PGN: Do tell.
JD: I met a man on the train in Stockholm and he fed me and took care of me all the way to Italy. He was very kind. And then in Italy, I met a ballet dancer on the street. He didn’t speak English and I didn’t speak Italian but we had a two-day romance that was very memorable.
PGN: Well, who better than a dancer to use body language?
JD: Oh yes!
PGN: I’ll tell you what I was surprised to find. [Laughs] When I first met you, you were such a big handsome guy, I was afraid you’d be a jerk or full of yourself. I was surprised to learn how thoughtful and kind you are.
JD: Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. It means a lot to me. What’s funny, though, is that when I look in the mirror I don’t see someone who would be attractive to me, so it kind of puts it in perspective. I just don’t see what other people seem to see. I like it that way.
PGN: Well, hopefully people will come out and see both of us at the festival!
qFLIX runs July 5-10. For more information, visit www.qflixphilly.com.