“Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That’s what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I’ll be on your side forever more
That’s what friends are for.”
— Dionne Warwick
OK, it’s corny but it’s true. And this weekend, friends old and new are gathering to support longtime community activist (and former Family Portrait) Tara Lessard, who was diagnosed with stage-three ovarian cancer in September. In charge of organizing is the owner of Freedom Massage (who’s bringing a team to perform free chair massages!), Diane Matkowski. We spoke to her about health and happiness.
PGN: Freedom Massage is out on the Main Line. Are you from that area?
DM: I’m actually from Philly, but my father liked trees so he moved us out to the middle of nowhere in the ’70s — a rural little town called Elverson, population 1,200.
PGN: Hmmm, never heard of it.
DM: Most people haven’t. But they just built a Walmart, so I guess we’re on the map now.
PGN: Family?
DM: I have a younger brother who lives in Washington state, my mom’s in Coatesville — she’s a nurse — and my dad worked for PECO but retired early and moved to Maine.
PGN: Wow, he wanted to be immersed in trees!
DM: Yeah, they took down a couple of trees in Elverson and he moved out and went really rural. His driveway in Maine is about 2 miles long. So I’m used to the woods. I love the city too, but I like being on the outskirts so I can be near nature.
PGN: What were you like as a kid?
DM: I was always friendly with everyone, even though I was a little shy. I definitely didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I left high school, it took me a while to figure it out. I was never great with the confines of formal education.
PGN: What was the newspaper that changed your life?
DM: I was doing landscaping and making $5 an hour and thinking, What am I doing with my life? I was still living at home and at that salary couldn’t afford anything. I happened to be looking at a newspaper and saw an ad for a car salesman. I picked it up and, you know, later on in life I had a client who told me, “When you see a door, walk through it.” So that’s what I did and I got the job. My parents never gave me much guidance, but I’ve been blessed to be able to just walk through those doors to the next step.
PGN: And the next step was at a car dealership.
DM: Yes, which in a weird way for me, was a real-life education. It was the craziest job and I learned a lot quickly.
PGN: What made it crazy?
DM: You’re helping people make the second-biggest purchase of their lives. And they all come in with stories. Most people’s initial thoughts of a car salesman are not warm and fuzzy. So there was a lot of learning about myself and learning how to meet a lot of different types of people where they’re at. I learned how to really listen to people and, as a result, learned a lot of interesting things. And I learned to trust people who’d been doing things longer than I had. At first, I bumped heads with a lot of people until I learned to surrender and allowed them to teach and mentor me. It was my first big lesson that I don’t know everything. It was a good thing. It got me to be the top salesperson in under six months.
PGN: What kind of stories do you remember?
DM: One of my favorites was a woman who just sat down and started talking and she said, “We’re all trying to reach the mountain, Diane. Some people drive VW Bugs, some drive trucks, some BMWs but we’re all looking to get to the same place.” That always stuck with me. Another was a woman who said, “There are a lot of valleys and plateaus but not many peaks. And the peaks are the smallest thing, so when you’re on the top of one, scream like hell and enjoy every minute of it.” I would watch the hawk across the street from the lot fly around and I became curious about hawks and read up on them. The nice thing is you have a lot of downtime selling cars so we did a lot of writing and soul searching. Through that, I went on to make some good decisions like buying my first home and setting off to become self-employed with the blessing and care of a lot of good men that I worked with. They took me under their wings and treated me like a little sister or daughter.
PGN: Who knew there was such depth at the car lot?
DM: Well, they say that you attract what you’re looking for. I received my first cassette tape — I’m showing my age — from Deepak Chopra on the car lot. I started my first drum circle through the car lot. It was in some ways very spiritual. But eventually I decided that I wanted to do something that made a difference and I didn’t think that selling Plymouth Neons was it.
PGN: You’ve apparently tried a number of things. I read that you were a landscape gardener and a lab aide.
DM: [Laughs] Yes, I’ve had many interesting jobs. I tended to just go with the flow and went where it felt like I should be at a particular time. It was always embedded in me to see everything good and bad as a learning experience. If it’s bad and you don’t ignore it, the likelihood of it happening again is less, and if it’s good you build on it.
PGN: And you’ve built on it all the way to your own business.
DM: Yes, it’s been pretty cool. It’s doing very well; I currently have seven employees. As soon as this interview is over, I have an author coming who wants me to co-write a book with him on massage. I don’t know if it will happen, but he’s driving three hours to see me so it’s a huge honor, even if it doesn’t work out. I wrote a book already but that was more on the business side of things.
PGN: You’ve done quite a bit of writing, articles and blogs. In one of them, you wrote about the intersectionality between nature and the body. Explain.
DM: One of the things I did in my 20s was to go to a survival school run by a gentleman by the name of Tom Brown. One of his sayings was, “Nature is not just a background,” and what he meant by that is that it’s not just a pretty picture, it also has function. Look at trees: They’re beautiful and majestic, but they’re also helping us to breathe. For me, my body is the same. It’s how the world sees me, it’s how I get around, it’s my home, it’s how I experience the world and how I communicate with it. It’s me, it’s everything. We polish our cars and make our houses look nice, but without our bodies, none of that exists. So to me, it’s the very nature of what and who I am. Not to get too deep and heavy.
PGN: And how did you get into massage work?
DM: I wanted a way to meet people so I organized a drum circle in Valley Forge Park and a guy named Rick O’Brian showed up. He’d been doing massage since the ’80s and got me interested. I started to think, I could do that. I love giving people massages. My parents were kind of hippies and always affectionate. I used to get paid 24 cents a back rub, so I was already in business! Back then, there weren’t many massage schools, maybe two and they graduated eight to 10 people. So I studied with him at his house. And then one day, I walked into the car dealership and went to the owner who I was close to, shook his hand and told him that I’d appreciated everything he’d done for me but that it was time to take a plunge and work on my own. Maybe I was naïve but I had no fear. I jumped in head first and slowly figured it all out.
PGN: What are things people should look for in a massage practitioner?
DM: I think there is something to experience. You may have innate talent, but it doesn’t match having worked with thousands of bodies. When a new therapist comes in, I spend a lot of time with them, so that even though they may be new, they have a mentor to teach them the ropes. But the most important thing is just to find someone you feel good with. I hire first by personality. You can teach the rest.
PGN: Is your girlfriend also a massage therapist?
DM: No, she’s the smart one in the relationship. She works in IT for a large company. Did I mention that she’s beautiful too? We’ve been dating for about two years.
PGN: I dated a massage therapist and everyone would say, “That must be so great!” but the last thing she wanted to do at the end of the day was give another massage. I think I ended up massaging her. Is your girlfriend a good masseur?
DM: [Laughs] You know I keep trying. I’m always leaning in and flopping my arm down on her lap to no avail, but she’s very good at tickling, which is nice. We’re a very touchy couple for sure.
PGN: What things do you like to do outside of massage?
DM: I 100-percent love being in my office doing my work and interacting with the people I work with. Otherwise, I like being outside, just sitting or going for walks. I’m very protective of my hands so I don’t play any sports or anything too crazy anymore. Life is really good right now. I feel like I’m in a beautiful prime.
PGN: But speaking of sports, you had some involvement as the official massage practitioner for the women’s professional soccer team, the Philadelphia Independence.
DM: It was awesome! I don’t even know how they found me, but it was a great timing for me. It was the year my stepmother passed away after a battle with cancer. Inadvertently, they really helped me through that whole time. I learned a lot more about the human body and how far it can be pushed and the importance of massage when people are really active. They were the sweetest, kindest, most grateful group of people I’ve ever worked with. Hands down. I give a hell of a leg massage after working with all those athletes!
PGN: Were you on the sidelines during the games?
DM: Yeah, they gave me VIP seating for all the games. Working on the team and then watching them play, it was a really cool experience. I got to work with gold medalists and people from all over the world.
PGN: Drop some names. Who were some of the medalists?
DM: Oh, there’s Heather Mitt who was super-duper sweet and kind. I can’t say enough about her. Lori Lindsey and Joanna Lohman were also really supportive, awesome people. I love the two of them.
PGN: Switching gears. Tell me about birthing babies.
DM: I’ve done some random things but seeing a newborn come into the world, fresh from its mother, is pretty extraordinary. My name got out as someone who could help if you wanted to have a natural birth without medications. I do breath work and massage and work pressure points to relieve the pain. And I’m five for five so I guess it worked. It’s very emotional, so much so that I’ve taken a little hiatus from it. You get very involved and attached to the couple. Labor can be days long, then the baby is born and it’s like, “Well, that was fun. Guess I’ll be going home.” I still get pictures and stuff, but I needed a break.
PGN: You mentioned that your parents were very hippie-like. Did that make the coming-out process easier?
DM: Well, when I told my mom her response was, “Wow. I’m really proud of you. I never had the guts to try that.” My dad said, “Oh really? You’re just figuring this out? Ha. I knew it a long time ago.” They had an easier time with it than I did. I honestly did not know that gay people existed until I was in my 20s. I thought that I was the freak that would end up in an asylum. I didn’t understand the way I was feeling. Even when I was with a woman in the beginning, I still thought there was something wrong with me, but friends out here in the ’burbs were kind enough to bring me into Philadelphia. I saw rainbow flags everywhere and was like, What are those? and they were like, “OMG, you poor, poor thing.” Then I stepped into Sisters for the first time and I don’t think I moved. I just stood there with my jaw to the ground. I couldn’t believe there were so many gay people. No one had ever talked to me about it, which is why I have so much passion for working with the LGBT community now, especially with youth. There’s a presumption that we understand ourselves, but how do you do that out in the middle of nowhere, where I never knowingly ever saw a gay person?
PGN: So we’ll close with passion and compassion and the event coming up.
DM: Yes, I love Tara Lessard. She and I are on the same page with a lot of things and when I heard she was sick, it was very upsetting and I wanted to do something to help bring the community together for her. Years ago, she and I spoke about doing a wellness day, an alternative to going to the clubs. People are really excited about it. I’ve never done a fundraiser before, so I’ll say forgive me before we’ve even started.
PGN: I’m sure it will be fine. What can people look forward to?
DM: Well, my award-winning team will be out in full force doing free chair massages and we might even bring a table. I will be providing a class for couples or friends on the healing power of healthy touch, as well as teaching basic massage techniques and self-care. I don’t know if you know Yogi Marcy Mackay. She has traveled around the world three times in a “bikini” with The Beach Boys and studied with some of the best yoga instructors in the world. She’ll talk about her experience with yoga and how it has changed her life. My friend Dawn Smesler from MotherHeart Studio is an icon in the wellness community and she’s giving a talk about slowing down and meditation. But it’s not all serious; we’ll have drag artist Jimmy Two Fingas there and a silent auction with some great stuff.
PGN: Yeah, I saw the kinky boots (and shoes) that were donated.
DM: Yes, we have a ton of stuff: some great artwork, a gym membership, an iPad and one of my favorite items, chef Joy Parham-Thomas is donating a three-course dinner for two!
PGN: Nice!
DM: And we’ll wrap it up with an intention circle so all who attend can send some love out for Tara and all those who are suffering from cancer.
The Tara Lessard fundraiser will run 1-4 p.m. Jan. 10 at William Way LGBT Community Center, 1315 Spruce St. For more information, contact Matkowski at 484-889-9749 or [email protected], or visit www.facebook.com/events/1530198497290334/. Donations for Lessard can also be made at www.youcaring.com/tara-lessard-485933#.Vmr-E77d20Q.facebook.
For more information about Freedom Massage, visit www.freedommassage.com.
To suggest a community member for Family Portrait, email [email protected].