There are those who are your run-of-the-mill anti-LGBT folks, and then there are the foaming-at-the-mouth, screamin’-to-the-heavens, shoutin’-at-the-devil anti-LGBT folks like Colorado pastor Kevin Swanson.
At the National Religious Liberties Conference earlier this month, homosexuality came up a lot. And Swanson, the conference’s host, made his position graphically clear when he warned the audience about “the sin of homosexuality.”
“Paul affirms that this particular sin is worthy of death in Romans Chapter 1,” he says. “So, granted there are varying levels of clarity/relevance relating to ethics, but still the Old Testament and New Testament, I believe, both speak with authority and we ought to receive it.”
It’s cute that he points out the “varying levels of clarity/relevance relating to ethics.” In other words, “We can’t just start executing gays because that would be logistically difficult and would upset some people.” But he’s basically saying we “ought to.” Because the Bible says so.
So you can only imagine what he thinks of marriage equality.
“There are families, we’re talking Christian families, pastors’ families, elders’ families from good, godly churches,” he says, “[and] their sons are rebelling, hanging out with homosexuals and getting married and the parents are invited. What would you do if that was the case?”
Um, I’d go? And since I’m the parent in this hypothetical situation, I’d support my child in his quest for love and happiness in his life.
Swanson has a different, grosser, idea. (Don’t read on if you’re eating.)
“Here is what I would do: sackcloth and ashes at the entrance to the church and I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body,” he says. “That is what I would do and I’m not kidding, I’m not laughing.”
Woah. Sackcloth and ashes is definitely not appropriate wedding attire. It’s an Old Testament thing where people wear super-uncomfortable shirts made from, like, goat hair or burlap or something, and rub ashes all over themselves to show repentance or grief.
But Swanson is all, “Nah, ashes are too tame for me,” and takes it to the next level. The poop level.
But wait, in his effort to win the Crazy Olympics, he levels up to the pus level. And let me clarify before you read this that “pussy” means “full of pus” and is pronounced as such. He is not talking about cats or vaginas.
“I’m grieving, I’m mourning, I’m pointing out the problem! It’s not a gay time,” he says, shouting and near tears. “These are the people with the sores, the gaping sores! The sores that are pussy, and gross and people are coming in and carving happy faces on the sores. That’s not a nice thing to do. Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open, pussy sores. Don’t you ever do that. Don’t you ever do that. I tell you don’t do it!”
It sounds to me like Swanson is confusing a same-sex wedding with a “Walking Dead” wedding. He has a really sick imagination.
“Sackcloth and ashes,” Swanson continues. “This is what America needs. America needs to hear the message. We are messed up.”
Speak for yourself, Swanson. You’re the one having fever dreams about carving pus-filled smiley faces, which is one of the most messed-up things I’ve ever heard.
Thankfully, nobody would ever take this guy seriously.
Unless you’re Republican presidential hopefuls Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal and Ted Cruz. Then you attend Swanson’s hatefest. Because you want to be publicly associated with a man who wants to smear shit all over himself and thinks gays should be killed.
To borrow a phrase from Swanson’s own rant: “That’s not a nice thing to do.”