It’s nice to have allies, especially one who can be there for you in life as well as in death.
Deborah Cassidy is one of those people. In charge of marketing and other duties at West Laurel Hill Cemetery, part of her job is to make sure that WLH is not your usual grim graveyard. Built to serve as a park as well as a cemetery, it has a number of regular events for the living that you might not expect. You can limber up with regular yoga classes, get some learnin’ with the Boneyard Bookworms, hear fantastic music at a concert under the stars or attend any number of special events. As an ally, she serves on the board of the Independent Business Alliance and recently hosted its second-annual Halloween-themed ConnX event. On Oct. 29, WLH will again host the Run4UrLife 3k Fun Run benefiting MANNA. If running is not your thing, event organizers are also looking for talented and spooky volunteers to join the ScareCrews to help craft and staff haunted vignettes along the race.
PGN: What’s the typical response you get when you tell people you work in a cemetery?
DC: [Laughs] Would that be verbal or should I describe their expressions? It’s usually kind of an [looking shocked], “Oh, but you’re such a happy person!”
PGN: You are a very effervescent person.
DC: Yes, I think that’s one of the reasons they hired me. In the death industry, everyone thinks it’s morbid and solemn, and that’s part of it, but there’s a lot more here. People come out to walk our grounds or to meet with us beforehand to check the place out and we’re pretty upbeat. We have activities and events, even a few weddings!
PGN: What are your responsibilities here?
DC: My title is director of sales, marketing and family services. Sales is self-explanatory, we sell our properties and services. The marketing is making sure that people know about us and what we do, as well as supporting the communities around us; we do a lot of community work and partnerships with other organizations to help them further their mission. You wouldn’t think that happens with a cemetery/funeral business but it’s important to us. Family services is a team that meets with families to do customer service after the funeral director has done his or her part. We look at you as part of the family here so we keep in touch during the first year and see how you’re doing, send anniversary cards and invite you to events; we don’t just end the relationship after the funeral. We have 187 acres and plenty of reasons for you to come back and visit. We have people who’ve come in for years just to talk to someone. It’s very special.
PGN: Why is it so important to you to give back?
DC: We are about the only cemetery around not owned by a large corporation. Along with Laurel Hill, which is our sister cemetery, we are nonprofit and nondenominational. As marketing director, I didn’t want everything to be about promoting us; of course we want people to choose our property and/or funeral services, but it’s also important to give back and be a responsible business model, so we partner with groups like the Sustainable Business Network, the Independence Business Alliance, DVLF, fire and police organizations, pet organizations — we hope to have a pet cemetery in the near future — all sorts of groups.
PGN: I didn’t realize that you were nondenominational.
DC: A lot of people don’t know that. We have everyone buried here: Muslims, Catholics, Protestants, Atheists, Jewish people, green people, you name it. It’s neat, we get to learn about all sorts of practices. I’m the kind of person who’s interested in learning about people. I love to listen. I wish everyone would learn to embrace others. I mean, why would I be upset that someone’s culture was different than mine? I was raised in a working-class family but my mother always taught me to put myself in someone else’s shoes. I think the world would be a happier place if we all opened up a little more.
PGN: Tell me about some of the interesting people buried here.
DC: We have a lot of beer barrens buried here. Stetson hats, Breyers ice cream, Hershey and Whitman Chocolates all have connections to the cemetery. In fact, we’re putting together an educational children’s program and hope to have reps from the company here. We have Anna Jarvis, who created Mother’s Day and then spent most of her life fighting its commercialization. And Charlotte Cardeza, a Titanic survivor who sailed around the world on her private yacht and was a big-game hunter. She had the largest property claim of anyone on the Titanic, including 32 pairs of shoes.
PGN: I noticed that you have Eldridge Johnson, who basically created the record player, as well as a number of musicians, including Teddy Prendergast and Grover Washington, Jr.
DC: Yes, we actually have an app that you can download onto your phone and tour the cemetery. You can also click and get videos, bios and photos as you go along.
PGN: So tell me about yourself.
DC: I was born and raised in this area. I have a husband and two daughters, both at Temple University. I started out as a meeting planner in Wayne at a company where I met my husband. I left work to have kids and when I decided to come back to work, I saw an ad for this job. It looked interesting so I applied and I’ve been here for 15 years!
PGN: What made you get involved with the LGBT community?
DC: There were a few things. As I mentioned before, we’re very interested in giving back. Most marketing plans are about building revenue and increasing sales, but we also ask, What are we going to do for the community? I feel very strongly about relationships and helping other communities further their mission. We contribute about $45,000-$55,000 a year to the LGBT community.
PGN: Wow! That’s not chump change.
DC: Well, we’re going to be here forever and people are always going to come to us eventually, whether it’s for themselves or a loved one, so let’s work to help make life a little better. What really got me personally involved with the LGBT community is that prior to gay marriages being legal, I was a firsthand witness to what could happen when a relationship was not honored by a partner’s family. You may have been together for 30 years and still have no legal say in the funeral arrangements if the family chose to exclude you. It was very hurtful and unfair for the surviving partner. We’d do whatever we could to intercede but often our hands were tied legally. It was so sad to sit at the table and hear someone being told they had no recognition or rights. Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that as much. We try to be advocates and help the community as much as we can.
PGN: What are some of the organizations you sponsor?
DC: Philadelphia FIGHT, DVLF, IBA, Equality Forum. They all do different things so we try to spread it out.
PGN: Do you have any LGBT staff members?
DC: Oh yes, our funeral director Pat Quigly and my rep Thom Cavanaugh are both LGBT, and some of our support staff as well. I’m the ally that has been pushing for gay rights for some time! I have two daughters and I want them to grow up in a world where they feel free to love whomever they choose, no matter what race or gender or religion they are.
PGN: I remember hearing about funeral homes turning people away during the AIDS crisis. Have you heard stories about those days?
DC: Yes, I’ve heard the horror stories. I don’t think that ever happened here. Being nondenominational helps as does the fact that we’ve had other LGBT funeral directors in the past, so I’d hope not, but I can’t be sure.
PGN: What was the most emotional service you’ve experienced here?
DC: There was a 16-year-old girl who was killed in a gruesome car accident. I think the mother was out of the picture and the father was devastated. He didn’t want to leave her so we set up a bed for him to sleep here and the staff would take turns staying with him to keep him company because he was grieving so terribly. He stayed here for three days. We put up memory boards and friends came and put up pictures; it was very touching. On a different note, we had a wonderful service where they used our horse-drawn hearse. They had musicians follow the hearse along the entire route and it was beautiful. We also had one family that came to us and didn’t know what to do. We asked them about the mother that had died, what hobbies did she have, etc. They mentioned that she knitted and that each family member had an afghan that she’d made, so we brought in all the blankets from everyone — cousins, etc. — and displayed them with their stories printed out.
PGN: What was the wackiest service?
DC: There was a lovely lady who was always hours late for everything throughout her life, so the family decided she would be late to her own funeral. They asked our funeral directors to intentionally hold her body until everyone was beginning to fidget with confusion. We set everything up and everyone arrived and made the attendees wait about 15 minutes before our funeral directors brought in the deceased and announced, “She’s sorry she’s late for her own funeral.” There was a roar of laughter. A few years back, we buried a gentlemen with a working cell phone in his casket and while everyone was finishing the prayers and they were about to lower the casket in the grave, the cell phone rang. We also had a guy who was a fanatical football fan, and made sure to have a flat-screen TV brought in so that while the services were going on, he wouldn’t miss the game!
PGN: Fun! And I understand you have another TV connection.
DC: Yes, apparently one of the characters on the show “Mad Men” was diagnosed with some fatal disease and as they spoke about what was going to happen and where she wanted to be buried, they mentioned Laurel Hill several times. We have no idea why they picked us. We researched to see if we had any connection with the director or a writer and we couldn’t find any. It was very cool!
PGN: Have you done any LGBT funerals recently?
DC: Oh yes, of course they’re all special but I can’t say that the LGBT services were any different from the others. We do have a group of four gentlemen — two couples — who are very close friends and they bought four properties together. One of them passed and they bought a beautiful headstone, very elaborate and quite unique. You should see it. We also did an LGBT wedding here! They got married on the grounds and had the reception in the conservatory.
PGN: Has there ever been any backlash because of WLH being so gay-friendly? Funerals often are very tied with religious beliefs.
DC: Not at all, and that makes me feel really good. And it’s not like we are secretive about it: We promote the LGBT groups we support on our website; everything we do here is very transparent. And I’m happy to say we’ve never had a single complaint. Well, one complaint, but nothing to do with LGBT stuff. We were doing a concert and an elderly lady was upset because she thought people would be literally dancing on her husband’s grave. We assured her that that wasn’t the case.
PGN: Since you work in a place some would find scary, what are three things that scare you?
DC: Hmmn, the death of my children or husband and … you know, I think that’s it. I’m OK with spiders and snakes and even going into the cemetery at midnight. [Laughs] That’s probably why I’m so good at this job!
PGN: Any paranormal experiences?
DC: About 10 years ago, our alarm system went off. I live nearby so I was the first to get here and as I was getting out of my car I saw a white swooshy kind of thing in front of the funeral home and then it just drifted off. I don’t know what it was — a ghost or a trick of the lights — but I couldn’t explain it. So, paranormal? Maybe. They do a lot of ghost hunting at Laurel Hill and there are a lot of reported sightings of a little girl named Sarah.
PGN: What’s your favorite death-themed movie?
DC: Oh my gosh, “Death by a Funeral.” There are two versions and you have to see them both. One is with Chris Rock and the other is the original British version. Peter Dinklage, the guy who is in “Game of Thrones,” is in both versions. We’re going to have a movie night here for the staff with popcorn and snacks after hours and show it. It’s all the things that would be appalling if they really happened — putting out the wrong body for a viewing, etc. — but it’s hysterically funny. We’re working on starting regular movie nights outside that will be open to the public as well. We just always want to do things in ways that are respectful because we are an active cemetery — we do about 600 burials a year and almost 200 funeral services — so we don’t want to get in the way of anything going on or offend anyone. But that being said, the whole purpose of our cemetery is to bring people together. We’re a park, and whether it’s an event or just someone walking around and enjoying the history on the headstones and imagining what life was like back then or coming here for quiet reading, we want this to be a place for the living as well as those who have passed. We have an untold number of different species of trees, so arborists love coming here; birdwatchers too. In fact, our arborist did a tour and at the end of the walk, everyone got to try tea and jams that he’d made from the shrubs that they’d seen on the tour. It was pretty cool.
PGN: I was watching “Late Night with Stephen Colbert” and he asked Tom Hanks, “If you could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would you choose?” To which Hanks replied, “Oh, dead of course.” If you could have lunch with three dead people, who would it be?
DC: That’s funny! I’d say Anne Frank. I was fascinated with her story, “The Diary of Anne Frank,” when I was a little girl. Katherine Hepburn — she is one of my favorite actresses and I love her fierce independence and spirited personality, which describes me. And God. I’d like to be able to ask and understand what is my purpose on this earth … Why am I here?
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