Jane and Joe Clementi had just dropped off their youngest son, Tyler, at Rutgers University in the fall of 2010.
Their oldest son, James, had already graduated from college and Brian, the middle son, was a senior at the time. The Clementis knew the routine well.
“Rutgers was a big school, a good school,” Joe said. “It was close to home. I think Tyler liked the idea of being at a distance that he could come home.”
The Clementis were a close, but not clingy, family. In the beginning of the semester, Joe said he and his wife exchanged just a couple calls with Tyler, mostly about Homecoming. The family needed to make travel plans and buy tickets to the football game against Tulane on the first weekend of October.
Joe said he didn’t notice any red flags before Port Authority Police called his home in Ridgewood, N.J., on Sept. 22, 2010, to say his son’s wallet and cell phone had been found.
Just three weeks into his freshman year, Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge. His body was found a week later in the Hudson River.
The investigation
Police investigation revealed Tyler’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, had used a webcam to secretly live-stream Tyler kissing a man in their dorm room. Ravi publicized a viewing party for the footage on Twitter. This all happened a few days before Tyler committed suicide.
In the five years since Tyler’s death, his parents started the Tyler Clementi Foundation and championed the Tyler Clementi Anti-Harassment Act, which was reintroduced in Congress in March.
The bill would require higher-education institutions to have an established policy and resources for dealing with harassment. It also would provide grant opportunities for institutions to receive federal funding to develop anti-harassment programs on campus.
“We didn’t want to see other kids and other families go through what Tyler did,” Joe said.
“There isn’t just one magic thing to take care of the problem,” he added, noting that harassment and bullying have to be addressed socially and legislatively.
Joe said the most important thing is to prevent harassment instead of trying to respond after it happens. He follows this motto now: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
A happy kid
One of the harder things for the Clementis to face was the fact that Tyler was never bullied before in school or other community groups.
“He was a happy kid,” Joe said. “Around us, he was extroverted. In public and big groups, he tended to be a little shy, but he enjoyed getting up and performing.”
Tyler played the piano and violin. He frequently made first chair for violin in his school orchestra and won coveted solos. At Rutgers, he earned a spot on the orchestra for graduate students, Joe said.
Tyler enjoyed the rigor of classical music and was thinking about majoring in a bioscience field, perhaps to become a physician.
He told his parents he was gay a few weeks before starting college. It didn’t upset the family. Tyler’s brother James is also gay. Still, it was a difficult time for Tyler.
“For whatever reason, the harassment would’ve been hurtful,” Joe said. “Since he had just come out, getting challenged so soon in his coming-out process, it’s very disappointing.”
Ravi, Tyler’s roommate, was put on trial and ultimately convicted in 2012 of bias intimidation, which is a hate crime, as well as invasion of privacy and other offenses. He served 20 days of a 30-day jail sentence. Both sides are appealing.
Joe said Ravi has not reached out to his family and they have not reached out to him.
“I’m at peace that Tyler is with God,” Joe said. “I don’t like what happened. I don’t think there’s a need for forgiveness. What I have a need to do is to prevent other people from suffering in the same way.”
Day 1 Pledge
The latest initiative of the Tyler Clementi Foundation is the Day 1 Pledge. It’s a script that clearly outlines what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not. The pledge also calls on witnesses to intervene if they see an unacceptable action.
“When people don’t know the limits, they have a constant urge to test them,” Joe said. “People tend to comply with limits when they know what they are.”
Since the pledge launched over the summer, a slew of celebrities have tweeted their support with photos and the hashtag #Day1. Caitlyn Jenner, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Susan Sarandon, Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are among those who have backed the initiative.
Mark Cortale’s Broadway @ Town Hall concert series held in Provincetown, Mass., this summer benefitted the Tyler Clementi Foundation.
The American Federation of Teachers also supports the pledge.
“It feels great,” Joe said. “It really validates the work we’re doing.”
Ridgewood, where Tyler grew up, strongly endorses the Day 1 Pledge. Village council adopted a resolution Sept. 16 officially recognizing the importance of the pledge and calling upon community leaders to adopt and promote the initiative, said Ridgewood Mayor Paul Aronsohn.
Aronsohn added that he personally wrote the resolution for council.
Officials are still working on a rollout of the pledge, which is supposed to take place on the first day of school, first meeting at work or first practice of a sports season. Aronsohn said local leaders have been discussing events to take place in January to set the tone for the new year.
“It’s so important to set the example right from the start,” Aronsohn said. “It’s such a good, smart and needed initiative. It makes it easy for people to know what’s acceptable.”
The 25,000 people who live in Ridgewood’s nearly 6 square miles like the community because of its inclusive and welcoming environment, Aronsohn said, adding that the village started a civility initiative last year to keep proper treatment of people at the forefront of the community’s identity.
“We all felt it when Tyler passed,” Aronsohn said. “We all admired the Clementis for their strength and taking a lead on this.”
Rutgers response
Rutgers students took the Day 1 Pledge at freshman convocation in August. Joe said it was a big step for the university and shows that officials are willing to actively combat bullying and harassment.
Joe said things spiraled out of control so quickly for Tyler at Rutgers. He added it’s hard to know whether the university should’ve acted differently at the time. He didn’t know if there were warning signs his family missed.
In 2013, Rutgers unveiled the Tyler Clementi Center, which has researchers working on methods to help people transition to college and come of age in the digital era, with a special focus on LGBT youth.
Susan Furrer, executive director of the Tyler Clementi Center, said a “very powerful and important collaborator” with her center is the Center for Social Justice Education and LGBT Communities.
The LGBT center at Rutgers opened in 1992, making it one of the oldest in the country, according to Zaneta Rago-Craft, the center’s director.
She said partnering with the Tyler Clementi Center has brought experts on digital citizenship into the LGBT community discussions at Rutgers and beyond.
“Tyler’s story has created a national shift in higher education,” Rago-Craft said. “It furthers our national presence in this conversation. His story creates an opportunity for everyone to show they care and can be a strong LGBT ally.”
Also part of Rutgers’ freshman convocation was training for students on some roots of bias and how to report a bias action they see, Rago-Craft said.
“We’re hoping over time that we find some ways to concretize the pledge into behavior,” Furrer said.
She said the newly arriving students are too young to remember Tyler at the university, but noted faculty and staff would not forget his story. They would work to make sure the Rutgers community knows about all the resources to combat harassment.
Going forward
Joe and Jane spread their son’s story to as many schools, companies and faith groups as they can. Anything that keeps people aware of the problem is useful, Joe said.
For the first time, the Tyler Clementi Foundation is partnering with New York Law School to host an Internet safety conference. AT&T is sponsoring the event. It takes place Oct. 3 and 4 at the law school. It’s expected to become an annual event.
Policymakers, political and business leaders, attorneys, social scientists, academics and nonprofit advocates will gather to discuss methods to combat cyberharassment. The agenda also includes a direct-outreach portion, a pro-bono initiative to help victims of online harassment seek justice.
For more information, visit www.tylerclementifoundation.org.