I had the opportunity to see “Kinky Boots” earlier this week at the Forrest Theatre. I knew going in that there was a drag-queen component that had our community especially engaged with the show. What I didn’t expect was the excellent job that “Kinky Boots” does of presenting the challenges of the trans experience.
It reflects on the struggles of “Lola,” who was born male and who faced ongoing rejection throughout her life due to her need to express femininity in a small, conservative British town. At one point, she sings, “Look at me, powerless and holding my breath, trying hard to repress what scared him to death. It was never easy to be his type of man, to breathe freely was not in his plan and the best part of me is what he wouldn’t see. I’m not my father’s son.” These lyrics speak so eloquently and powerfully to the almost-impossible task that many trans men and women face before deciding to come out: hiding.
Repression is a form of hiding. The definition of the word is the exclusion of unwanted feelings, desires and thoughts from the conscious mind. The ability to repress is a defense mechanism or, in other words, something that humans do to protect themselves in the face of perceived danger, whether psychological, physical or both. It is figurative protective armor worn by the individual who understands, most likely on an unconscious level, that failure to hide certain thoughts and feelings will result in potentially grave negative consequences. The best defense mechanisms effectively conceal the dangerous content not just from others, but also from the self. Of course, most of my trans clients discuss having had an innate knowledge of their true identity from a very young age, but the ones who repressed these feelings most effectively managed to hide their desires almost completely from themselves, leaving them only with a deeply rooted sense of emptiness and incompleteness.
Even now, as you read this, there are countless boys and girls and men and women hiding their true identities because of fear. But I can’t help but wonder how many people from the largely heterosexual audience at “Kinky Boots” left the performance feeling like our society is right where it should be on trans issues. Heck, we have a black trans woman, the beautiful Laverne Cox, socializing with the president and First Lady of the United States, and we’ve got Bruce Jenner declaring “For all intents and purposes, I am a woman” on national television. I wonder how easy it is for mainstream America to give themselves a few pats on the back and turn in peacefully after a night at the theater seeing “Kinky Boots.”
After all, “Kinky Boots” ends, as any good musical should, happily. Lola is free from the constraints of society’s harsh judgments and dances joyfully around the stage in all of her femininity (and, of course, her Kinky Boots). In reality, however, such happy endings are still not as easy to come by for transgender individuals. Many trans men and women are currently engaged in a painstaking struggle to find a tolerant corner of the world where they can be themselves without fear. (It should be noted that tolerance is not the same thing as acceptance but, sadly, far too many trans people are in a position where finding just tolerance is the absolute best-case scenario). So while the Lolas, Bruce Jenners and Laverne Coxes of the world are helping to pave the way towards a more tolerant and accepting society, we must not forget that suicide rates among the trans community are astronomical, with more than 40 percent of trans individuals attempting suicide at some point during their lives. Depression and other mental-health disorders are also substantially more prevalent within this community than society at large; however, the rate of trans individuals seeking help for such issues is very, very low. In short, trans men and women are merely at the beginning of a long fight for tolerance, acceptance, strong and accurate representation in the media, legal protections, appropriate health and mental-health services and equality overall. Let’s all remember that as we high-five one another for being so open-minded.
Please note: I have written this article as a cisgender woman and, as such, I do not wish to suggest that I fully understand the experience of transgender men and women. I have utilized my professional knowledge as a therapist actively working with trans clients in various stages of transition to write this article in the hopes that it serves this community well.