As we all suddenly find ourselves existing in a reality of a proposed act to execute gays and of same-sex couples being legally denied service at a pizza shop, the assumption that the conservative right wing in this country is distinctly anti-LGBT feels like a safe one. In fact, their disdain for the LGBT “lifestyle” is far from a secret. Instead of quietly containing their hateful feelings with the awareness that it is conventionally wrong to express hatred towards an entire group of people, their hatred has been legitimized with religious justifications. The Bible and God have become your average homophobe’s first line of defense for explaining their phobia. Without further exploration, perhaps such defenses could sound justifiable but upon taking the slightest bit of a closer look, it’s easy to see the only real defense in play is hate.
What fuels hate?
Hate is grounded in prideful feelings and is a strong-enough emotion to provide the possessor with perceived heightened inner strength; however, hate is something that must be resolved, not refined, in order for true personal, psychological growth to occur. Hatred has a great potential to be destructive, as it contains both unconscious and conscious drives to protect oneself, to hand off feelings of negativity to others instead of turning them on yourself. Hate also inadvertently nourishes one’s self-esteem; through the active hating of another individual or group of people, it becomes easier to view yourself more favorably since they are “so bad.”
Hatred also thrives within groups. As we saw back in September with the mob of 20-somethings who attacked a gay couple on the street, there is power in the group. When a group of individuals shares a common belief, especially one rooted in hate (and therefore possessing that added gusto), a sense of community ensues that is often accompanied by feelings of superiority towards anyone who is not aligned with them. In fact, the community is strengthened as more and more hatred is directed at those outside of the group.
Group dynamics are certainly not the only means of fueling hate. Hate is also perpetuated by forces such as discomfort with the unfamiliar and fear of the unknown. Often, people who are ill-equipped to tolerate learning about seemingly difficult subjects gravitate most naturally to making snap judgments and harsh criticisms, a role that offers a false sense of safety because it generates feelings of power.
For instance, why would an educated man, a lawyer, in California take his hateful feelings to the extreme stance of suggesting death for sodomizers? One explanation is that there is likely a level of instinctive fear intertwined with his hatred, which is activated when faced with the topic of homosexuality. (The reason for said fear can’t be known, although some may suggest he too is gay.) This fear could very well be the propelling factor in his absurd endeavor to pass legislation to legalize executing gays. Through focusing on the passing of legislation, he gets to experience a sense of control that helps the fear to retreat. He makes a perfect example of how, like hate, fearful feelings are meant to be processed and worked through, rather than utilized as ammunition for spreading hate.
The psychology of hate is complex; it is rooted in many primitive feelings, including the instinct to protect the self. This is, unfortunately, part of human functioning at times, especially when minimal effort is made towards managing negative feelings. The larger problem is why, at this point in our evolution as a society, would so many people still find LGBT-identified individuals and couples to be fear-inducing, worthy of hate or even better off dead? With more empathy, less judgment and just a small amount of effort towards finding common ground with someone different, this current social attack on our community would be nonexistent. More people would be able to recognize that we all are thinking, feeling, fully dimensional human beings first and foremost, and that any and all differentiations are secondary to this basic fact.
Kristina Furia is a psychotherapist specializing in issues and concerns of the LGBTQ community in addition to depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other mental illnesses. Her private practice, Philadelphia LGBTQ Counseling, offers both individual and couples sessions (www.lgbtphillytherapy.com).