“If everybody is doing it one way, there’s a good chance you can find your niche by going exactly in the opposite direction.”
—Sam Walton
I hate to quote the founder of Walmart on anything, but it seems to fit for this week’s Portrait. Tyler DeSouza is the owner of Suddenly Fem, a line of women’s clothing for men and transwomen that has been filling the niche for over 20 years.
PGN: I understand that your mother was the founder of Suddenly Fem.
TD: Yes, my father left us when I was very young and we fell on some destitute times. My mother, Laine Alexander, had been a hair stylist and she saw a program about cross-dressers on “Phil Donahue.” She realized that helping people transform might be a good niche to fill. She started doing makeovers for cross-dressers when I was 13 or 14. I’ve been around gender-variant people for most of my life. So when people have adverse reactions to it, I’m always surprised because I’ve never seen it as anything strange or different.
PGN: If your mother was doing this back when Phil Donahue was on, she must have been pretty progressive for the day.
TD: Yeah, I think that was back in ’82 or ’83. But it was more of a business decision. She and my father had the hair salon together and when he left, it was too much for her to do on her own so she needed something to keep afloat. This was something that she could do out of our house and be home to watch us. [Laughs] I don’t think she really had an opinion about her clients, she just enjoyed putting makeup on people.
PGN: Was there a particular client who stands out in your memory?
TD: We had one guy who was either a plumber or mechanic — I wasn’t allowed in for the makeup and hair sessions because most of the clients wanted discretion — but she’d show me the pictures, which I found fascinating. Especially as she got better with working with the guys, it was amazing how much she could transform a rough-looking guy into an attractive woman. So this particular guy had really thick hands but when she finished with him, he was fascinatingly beautiful. He wanted to be photographed in a wedding gown so she asked me to put on a suit and stand in as the groom for his wedding pictures. I was about 16 at the time.
PGN: Where did you grow up?
TD: Well, we went back and forth as my parents were working out their divorce. My father was Brazilian so he went back there at first and then to San Francisco. He had family in San Francisco so we lived there shortly when they tried to reconcile but it didn’t work. He wasn’t really cut out for fatherhood. So we ended up in Cheltenham, a suburb of Philadelphia.
PGN: What were you like as a child?
TD: I was a loner. I didn’t really enjoy interacting with other children. I’m completely different now. I didn’t have any interests, so at the urging of my mother I started a business at age 12. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but it taught me a work ethic where I worked every single day — holidays, weekends, it became my life. My friends were my clients, mostly old Jewish ladies and housewives. [Laughs] I still have the same work ethic. I have to try to force myself to take time off.
PGN: What was your first business?
TD: It was an odd-jobs company. I’d do almost anything: clean out your garage, babysit the kids (which I was terrible at), serve at your party, dust your furniture, wash the dog, you name it. I used the money to buy a car, in cash. I got an ugly old beater, white with steel bumpers that I smashed into everything. I hauled equipment in it and it lasted forever! Then at 16, I started a car-detailing business, which was pretty successful. I did that through college.
PGN: What was an early memory?
TD: That’s hard to say because a lot of the early years were kind of dark years. [Laughs] I have a twin sister so my early memories would probably be of her taking things from me.
PGN: How many kids?
TD: Just my twin and me.
PGN: What was your worst job?
TD: Probably the first time I babysat. I had no control over the kids, I let them do everything and anything: get in the pool, make coffee and their own smoothies, they destroyed the shower and played Nintendo all night. The parents came home and were horrified; the house was a disaster.
PGN: You should have offered them your cleaning services! So what was a fun job?
TD: I was with a band for a while and I did audio production in California.
PGN: Were you in the band or just doing audio?
TD: I was the lead singer. I heard that you do karaoke. I love that. I just tried out “The Jeffersons” theme song at Tabu and it was fun but in the wrong key for me, so I had to break out my falsetto. But usually I’m pretty good with it. It actually relaxes me. I want to try to do more of it. I want to start doing some video production too.
PGN: Any other hidden talents?
TD: Well, some people call me “MacGayver” because I’m pretty handy at fixing things. With my business, I do a little of everything, from computer coding for Suddenly Fem to home repair with my real-estate properties. I can usually look at a task and figure it out.
PGN: Was your mom like that?
TD: Nooo. But apparently my dad was. The one thing he did do for me was to show me a way of looking at things to figure them out.
PGN: What does your twin do?
TD: She’s a spa manager/fixer. When they have performance problems, they send her to figure out how to fix it. Right now she’s at a country club in Florida.
PGN: You should do a TV show with her, “Spa Hunter” or something!
TD: That’s funny. I do call her the “Tabitha” of health and wellness. She’s one of those people that when she goes in, no one likes her but, of course, those are the people who don’t want to do their job. But when she leaves they rate her at 95-100 percent, so she’s doing something right.
PGN: Tell me more about your business.
TD: We started over 25 years ago. When I got out of college my mother was dealing with some health issues. I’d gone to college for business and had planned on going into agricultural imports but made the decision to work with her business and launch Suddenly Fem. In the beginning it wasn’t clothing — it was essentially a transformation business — but she had a hard time finding clothing and accessories for her clients. So we started a mail-order catalog and sold pieces that we found from other vendors. We started with nothing and it began to grow. Then I started using my design skills and began doing the clothing engineering and fashion engineering that makes our company and clothing special today.
PGN: What makes Suddenly Fem unique?
TD: It’s the one and only fashion label for cross-dressers and transitioning women. What’s different about it is that we create specially engineered clothing. It’s not just clothing in bigger sizes, everything is custom designed and there are a lot of gadgets and engineering built in to make them fit right and look good. My mother works more on the design and I work on the mechanical aspects such as pocketbra cups that hold breastforms or specially molded silicone hip and buttock pads that create a feminine, hourglass figure. We just released the first pants designed to look feminine but to fit a biological male body. They’re tapered enough to look feminine but relaxed enough to fit the average larger leg of the cross-dressing or transgender person. There’s a little more room in the crotch, they’re a little higher fit and made with extra stretch material. There are about seven points specially designed. With all of our clothing, my job is to create not only ridiculously sexy and functional dresses and lingerie, but to make sure they complement the contours and ridges of a male or male-to-female form.
PGN: I looked at the website and was surprised to see how much goes into making the magic happen. I’d never even heard of a gaff before.
TD: Yeah, we probably have the largest selection of gaffs available. A gaff is an undergarment that helps make the male genitalia look like it’s disappeared. We recently added a line that’s really innovative. Most gaffs are thongs because they are stronger and you can tuck and get a nice flat appearance; however, with thongs, you can’t sit down and cross your legs. We created and engineered a panty that is strong enough to keep everything in place but you can wear them all day and run around town in them and you can comfortably cross your legs. It’s great!
PGN: I learned a lot just browsing your website. With every product you offer, there’s a lot of information with it, from how to measure your face to get the appropriate wig size to choosing realistic nipples. There was information on applying makeup and how to hide a beard or shadow, hormone and supplement info, how to hide or tuck for the most feminine appearance, even choosing clip earrings with a “pierced-style” closure.
TD: Yes, we want to educate our clients so they have the best experience.
PGN: I read one of your blogs about trying out the dresses yourself.
TD: We usually have fit models to help but if someone doesn’t show up, I have no problem getting into a dress. I think it’s important for me to get our products on my body to see how they fit and feel, but it’s not really in my genes. Mother always said, and I’ve heard from many trans people, that the first time they put on a dress was transformative — it’s something that’s in the genes — but I don’t have that same feeling. Now for Halloween, I’ll rock something that’s a little gender-variant, but it’s usually more Adam Lambert-ish than truly cross-genderish.
PGN: When did you come out?
TD: I was a little late to the game. I came out as bisexual when I was 28. It was tough, mostly because of the social stigma. So I went to a therapist to try to come out as gay but what we realized was that I was truly bi. So that’s where I am. It wasn’t a big deal in my family. Of course my mother doesn’t care, and neither does my twin. But in general society, it can be difficult being bi. People want to try to tell you what you should be, but after therapy I was more comfortable in my own skin and I did a heavy dose of things to boost my confidence and empower myself. I tell people that my life really started after 35. I took karate classes and public-speaking courses, I faced every fear that I had. I cut all the people out of my life who didn’t want to accept me for who I was, packed up my little convertible and drove downtown and found a place in Center City and started my new life. It’s been the happiest time of my life and as I have each new birthday, I get happier.
PGN: Good direction to be heading. Are you seeing anyone now?
TD: I was with a woman for a while and we broke up and my current partner is male. It’s funny, he was just coming out of a relationship and didn’t want anything serious and I was ready to settle down. I usually don’t put the screws to people but I was like, “If we’re going to be together I need a commitment” and he went for it! It’s been a year-and-a-half and we just moved in together.
PGN: The thing I like most about myself is …
TD: I always want to help people better themselves.
PGN: Celebrity you’d like to transform?
TD: Oh, I think it’s fun and sexy to see someone with a beard in a dress, so I’d pick someone like Ben Affleck. He’d be a fun project.
PGN: Right now I’m excited about?
TD: The holidays. Unlike me, my boyfriend’s all about balancing work with vacation time. He has a place in South Beach so we’re going to Florida. I have family there so it’ll be fun to visit them too. I’m trying to be flexible and not think about business, but it’s a work in progress.
PGN: What’s new at Suddenly Fem?
TD: We’re partnering with Passional Boutique. People always ask if we have a retail location but we’re more mail-order. I met Kali Morgan at the Trans-Health Conference and I liked the professional set-up she had at her booth. I went down and checked out the store and a lot of her staff members were trans or transitioning so I knew my clients would feel comfortable there. It’s a great location too, so people can go fully dressed without fear. I did a training with the staff and we’re all really excited about it. We have a selection of almost everything we carry in the catalog along with educational materials.
PGN: Something you’re proud of?
TD: We do a lot of philanthropic work. Suddenly Fem participated in the Philly Trans* March on Oct. 11 and donated $5,000 worth of clothing to the Mazzoni Center for their Sisterly Love Trans Wellness Project, and we’ve made donations to William Way and other groups. I‘ve really enjoyed getting involved. I want to start an entertainment company that empowers LGBT youth, whether through books or audio or music, however best to get to them. I want to make being LGBT cool and work with the straight community so that they too start seeing gay people as cool too. I want to do something that will help bring the suicide rates down and help us be empowered within ourselves and within the community at large.
To learn more about Suddenly Fem, visit EnFemmeStyle.com.
To suggest a community member for Family Portrait, email [email protected].