“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
This week’s profile, Dirk Allen, doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he’s inviting the whole community to come celebrate his birthday this weekend at The Ascend Lounge at Tavern on Camac. An original founder of the Blue Redo fundraisers that ran in conjunction with Blue Ball weekend, Dirk (aka Azure), along with his partner Glenn (aka Perriwinkle) and friend David (aka Cobalt), has decided to do one last Redo-type event, a fun fundraiser and tea dance to raise money for the LGBT Elder Initiative. Fittingly named “Forever Young,” the bash is being held Oct. 12.
PGN: Tell me a little about yourself and familia.
DA: I come from a sports family. I have what I call good jock stock. My dad, John “Johnny” Allen, played center for the Redskins for four years. It was kind of cool growing up in D.C. and having your dad be a former Redskins player. A lot of people mistakenly thought I was the son of Ray Allen, who was the coach as I was growing up, but we’re not related. My mom taught swimming year-round for 55 years and she taught several future Olympians how to swim. My sister was a good athlete as well but it was before Title IX, so she didn’t have as many opportunities as girls do today. Now two of my three nieces play Division I lacrosse in college. And my brother also played football at Boston College. I was a cheerleader in college and got a varsity letter for it. It was nice because my dad and brother were both as proud as could be about it. My dad stayed involved with Redskins alumni for a long time and I got an internship at one point with the NFL Players Association while I was in college. I actually thought that was going to be a career path for a while. I didn’t have the athletic ability of my dad or my brother but I thought I would go into some sort of sports management. They never pushed me necessarily into sports but I truly enjoy them, though I have to say it’s difficult living in Philadelphia being a Redskins fan. Especially now with the name controversy.
PGN: Speaking of name controversy … is Dirk Allen your real name and, if so, were your parents hoping for a porn star?
DA: [Laughs] Yes, they were very forward-thinking! Actually it’s a funny story. My sister’s name is Vicki and my brother is Vinny and I was slated to be Vernon. Thankfully, my Uncle Tom interceded at the 11th hour and persuaded my mom to rethink it. At the last minute, she came up with Dirk. My dad thought she’d said Kirk — named after Kirk Douglas — so for the first week of my life, my dad was calling me by the wrong name!
PGN: That’s hysterical!
DA: Everyone always thinks it’s short for something or somehow manage to mangle the name. In grade school my classmates called me Derek and I was too shy to correct them. Or if they got it right, they would twist it to make a joke out of it. Kids can be cruel so I would get called Dirt or Dick or Dork. I like to think it toughened me up.
PGN: What sort of things were you involved with as a kid?
DA: A lot of sports — football in the fall, basketball in the winter, baseball in the spring and swimming in the summer. I was a lifeguard for six years. I was shy but energetic. I was involved in a lot of scholastic stuff, the vice president of my senior class, etc. The president was a friend who came out shortly after I did. We still get together with a small group of other friends for a “Big Chill” weekend about once a year.
PGN: When was it that you came out?
DA: It was in stages. I was a curious lad, born in the district, then my family moved to Maryland when I was little. We were close to the University of Maryland and I had my first gay sexual experience there on the campus. I was 15 and discovered a few cruisey areas where I was able to connect with people. I was still in high school and dating girls but had my secret life.
PGN: Wow! You might have gotten someone arrested!
DA: I know! I look back at it and think, Oh boy, the things I did then! Ironically, my parents were the first people to officially know, when in my mind they were going to be the last to know.
PGN: Why was that?
DA: They are both from a small town and always espoused conservative values. My dad was a wonderful man but would occasionally crack gay jokes at the dinner table. I just didn’t think they would be very receptive or welcoming to a gay son. But to my surprise, my mother asked me when I was least expecting it. I went to the University of Maryland and was living in a fraternity house. I would go home about every other weekend to do laundry and visit the folks. I had girlfriends but didn’t parade them around like my brother, who had lots of great-looking girlfriends. Growing up, we never really traveled much — the annual Easter car trip to visit my grandparents in Ohio and that was about it. It wasn’t until I became a cheerleader that I got to travel to different cities for games. We were on our way to a game in Detroit and the pilots let us into the cockpit — probably because they wanted to see the female cheerleaders — but it made me think this would be a cool job once I graduate. I got flown out to California to interview with Western Airlines and I decided to stay in California with family members and see how I liked it out there. I thought it would be easier to come out and be out in California than it was in D.C. My family was somewhat prominent and there was always a fear that someone would recognize me in a gay bar. I was always looking over my shoulder. Even in college, instead of going to the bars near me in D.C., I would drive to Baltimore. So after a month-and-a-half I came back East to pack my things and move to San Diego. I was living at home during the interim and, as I was packing, my mother stuck her head in the door and said, “If you have a minute, I’d like to talk with you.” Now I have a wonderful family but we were never the type to display much emotion or reflection or have heavy conversations, so I knew it was something major. We were in the kitchen and she prefaced the conversation by letting me know that she and my father loved me very much and that they didn’t want me to move 3,000 miles away because of something I didn’t think they could handle. She said it was regarding my sexuality. Can you say “gulp?” Growing up I had never heard the words “I love you.” I knew I was loved; they came to every sporting event and anything I was ever involved in, but it was just never spoken. To hear those words was powerful and a relief to know that they cared so much about my happiness. I played it off by saying, “Well, I like women and I like men.” Then she said, “I’m going to have to tell your father about this.” I got down on my knees and pleaded with her not to tell him. I didn’t think the old man could actually handle hearing it confirmed. They went out to dinner the next night and I was in the living room pretending to watch TV when I heard them come in. I was steeling myself for a negative response from my father. I felt his presence behind me and when I turned around he was standing in the doorway and he … [There’s a long pause as Allen’s eyes fill with tears.]
PGN: Do you need some water?
DA: No. [Smiles] I still have a hard time getting through this without getting emotional. He just came up to me and gave me a big bear hug and told me he loved me. He pretty much reiterated what my mother said: “I just want you to be happy and healthy and I don’t care if you’re gay.” It was one of the bigger moments in my life. I realized I didn’t give them enough credit for who they were. And it actually brought the whole family together even more; now we never end a phone call without saying I love you. My dad passed away four years ago and, though it was sad, I was able to celebrate the fact that we had such a rich life together. Both of my parents took advantage of my job and we did a lot of traveling. My dad and I especially had some really fun trips together: Often times we would just fly off to see a Redskins game in Arizona or Dallas, just because we could. We’d fly to Chicago or St. Louis or Pittsburgh for a baseball weekend. I was very lucky to share those times with him.
PGN: What was your scariest moment as a flight attendant?
DA: It was about 15 years ago. We were taking off from Portland, Maine. It was a bright September afternoon. At that airport you take off going straight towards the ocean. We were about half-full, maybe 70 passengers, and as we were taxiing there was a huge boom and a fire flash and the plane began to shudder violently as an acrid smell filled the air. My colleague grabbed my arm so hard that I had a bruise for two weeks. We coasted up into the air for about a minute and then the pilot dumped fuel as he turned the plane around for an emergency landing. We were the lead story on all the Portland news channels that night. It turns out birds had flown into one of the engines and blown it out. The captain was so calm about it, I didn’t realize how precarious a situation it was until the next day, when he told me that if we’d had a full flight, he wouldn’t have been able to lift the plane and we would have probably gone into the ocean. After seeing “the miracle on the Hudson,” I realized the magnitude of what had happened. But in 27 years, that was it. Normally if you’re on a flight with me you know it’s going to be smooth sailing. I’m fortunate through my job and its perks to be able to have seen a lot of this big wide world. I just got back last Tuesday from a great week-long trip to Ecuador. That was my 94th country. They’ve all been good to great, with varying degrees. New experiences, new things to see and do, new foods to try — it has become a passion of mine, and one that I plan to continue for the next 50 years.
PGN: What was a best experience?
DA: I finally completed my 50th and final state this past spring. I had been in a holding pattern for almost 15 years, stuck at 49 states. With my approaching 50th birthday, Glenn suggested we try to finish off the list. He had four states to go to and one of those four was my last one. So on a sunny April day we flew from Philadelphia to Oklahoma City. That was in one of his states. Then we proceeded to rent a car and drive through Kansas (state 48 for him), parts of Nebraska, Missouri, Iowa (repeats for us) and onward to South Dakota (49). Then together we crossed into our 50th and final state, and that would be the Peace Garden State of North Dakota. Which incidentally turns out to be the least-visited of the 50 states. When we went by the Visitor Center in Fargo, they asked us what brought us to North Dakota. When we told them that it was the last of our states to visit, it was as if we said the secret word. Practically balloons and confetti rained from above. We were given an official Last State certificate, got to sign the logbook stating that it was our last of the 50 states, given bunches of mementos such as a refrigerator magnet, which stated “North Dakota: Saving the Best for Last.” In addition, we got to take a picture with the actual wood chipper from the movie “Fargo,” fake leg with sock in the chipper and all. So even simple road trips turn out to be great trips in my eyes.
PGN: Jumping ahead, how did you end up in Philadelphia?
DA: Well, I didn’t move to California. Just days after having that conversation with my parents, I interviewed for a job with U.S. Air in Maryland. They hired me and I figured I would do it for two years — travel and see the world and then get a “real job.” In another pivotal moment, my mother was smart enough to suggest that, instead of quitting, I take an educational leave of absence. So I went to Northwestern in Chicago for grad school and that’s where Glenn and I met, in the campus gym. I thought perhaps I go back and get into management with the airlines but at that time there was a recession, the Persian Gulf War was raging and job opportunities were limited. Because I’d accrued seniority while I was in school, I was actually making as much as a flight attendant than I would have in management so I stayed with it. Glenn was originally from this area and we both wanted to move back. He worked with Citibank and managed to get a transfer to Newark, Del., so he moved to Philly and I moved back to D.C. and we saw each other on weekends. I really grew to like Philadelphia: the friendliness, the affordability, the culture. Plus, D.C. was going downhill. The final straw for me was when Marion Barry got reelected. I thought, Do I really want to live in a town who would reelect this guy as mayor? On the flipside, Rendell was the mayor here and there was a very progressive energy in the city. So I transferred here in the spring of ’94. And now Glenn lives in London so we have an even longer commute! Thank goodness for the wonders of telecommunication, FaceTime, etc. Between that and my job we’re able to see each other pretty regularly.
PGN: How did you get involved with Blue Ball?
DA: So when Glenn and I first moved here, we didn’t really know anybody. We’d worked on an event in Chicago that was a successful fundraiser. It was similar to the Blue Ball event here in Philadelphia. Two of the first people we met when we moved here were Dave Rumsey and Heshie Zinman, who helped us get involved. There were about 10 of us who worked tirelessly to pull it off each year. Dave, Glenn and I decided to do a welcoming party in our house, called the Blue Redo. It got so big that the second year we had to move it to Fluid and then later to the Trocadero. I like to think we put the fun in fundraising. And we did some good: On our best year we raised $150,000 for AIDS Information Network. This birthday party is in the same vein and will be the last Blue Redo of them all, with benefits going to the LGBT Elder Initiative. It’s more of a friend-raiser than a fundraiser, to make people aware of them. We have a great DJ, Brian Norwood, Brian Gannon is helping us with a video and Keith Fledderman has been invaluable. It’s going to be an intimate and fun tea dance.
PGN: Best celebrity encounters?
DA: In D.C. we had a lot of politicians, including David Mixner, who tried to hit on me; that was unpleasant because we were stuck on the runway for about six hours, so there was nowhere for me to hide. Ronald Reagan’s advisor and ambassador, Jean Kirkpatrick, who was nice enough but left a mess on the floor, and Olympia Snow who was a very classy woman. Celebrities? Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who was a real sweetheart; Toni Collette, who was completely unrecognizable; Monique, who was a scream; and Kim Kardashian was on my flight about a year-and-a-half ago but she had a blanket over her head the whole flight. She’s about 4-foot-2.
PGN: In this era of terrorists and shoe bombs and Ebola, does your family worry about you flying … Do you?
DA: No, not really. The only time my mother asked me not to fly was when I was going to Israel about 10 years ago. Ironically, flying El Al is probably one of the safest airlines to fly.
PGN: So why is Dirk Allen so loved?
DA: I think I’m a good person, a kind person. I try to treat people as I wish to be treated. A friend once called me “pathologically social” and I take that as a compliment. I’m truly interested in learning about other people and listening to them. I enjoy meeting new people and having different experiences with friends. And I get back a lot of what I give, so I’m very blessed in a lot of ways. I have an exceptional family, an exceptional partner and exceptional friends. I’m a lucky guy.
Forever Young will be held 4 p.m. at Ascend Lounge at Tavern on Camac, 243 S. Camac St. For more information, visit http://foreveryoungdjnorwood.wordpress.com.