A noted out author and therapist will this week lead a discussion on the evolution of relationship-building among gay men this week.
Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, will be the featured speaker at “Sex, Intimacy & Relationships in the Digital Age” Sept. 11 at William Way LGBT Community Center, 1315 Spruce St. The free event is co-presented by Elements Behavioral Health and Mazzoni Center’s Open Door counseling program.
Weiss is senior vice president of clinical development at Elements, based in California, and the founding director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles. He is an expert in intimacy disorders and addiction.
Weiss, 53, noted that the sense of community among gay men is largely framed in the context of the larger LGBT-rights movement — and that, with evolving LGBT acceptance comes the need for new ways of thinking about community.
“All of our existence we’ve struggled with equality, prejudice, violence, being told we’re mentally ill, being put in jail, not having public places to gather. Then we reached the ’70s and there was the beginning of acceptance and then HIV/AIDS hit. But now we’re approaching this period of what looks like the beginning of true equality, in terms of a governmental stance — it may be a while still for culture,” he said. “But my question is what now? All of that energy that went into the struggle — watching over our shoulders, marching — what happens to all that when we don’t have to struggle anymore? What happens to our ministry acceptance when we have acceptance? Do we assimilate? Turn to the ‘hedonism’ of the ’70s? Disappear into the larger culture?”
Individual relationships among gay men, Weiss said, are of particular interest.
“Men struggle with intimacy, gay men and straight men. Women are better at being empathetic, understand ego vulnerabilities men have,” he said. “So when you have two men in a room who compete, butt heads, there can be difficulty building longterm, committed relationships — and I’m not talking abut monogamy, but commitment in terms of intimacy. We’re men first and gay second. So when you put two gay men together, even if it’s not about sex or romance but friendship, how do we get past or work through these innate, gender-based characteristics to build strong relationships?”
Weiss said the concepts of the evolving LGBT-rights focus and relationship-building are linked.
“The broadest question is, What is the meaning of the gay community in a world where we’re not in a struggle anymore? How do we build relationships when gender challenges us, when technology makes it so easy to satisfy our physical desires without having to do anything more than stopping off at someone’s house for an hour? If freedom allows us to bond in public and private ways that have never been before, how do we figure this out?”