“I’ve preached the importance of having role models, mentors and friends who support you. It took a village for me to be who I am today, and it still takes a village to assist me in the journey ahead. While the struggles were mine alone to grapple with, I am a product of my support system — a community that included straight parents and siblings, gay and lesbian classmates, gender-nonconforming teen support group members, drag queens who practiced at the community recreation center where I hung out as a kid, queer volleyball teammates, and older trans women who used their transition experiences to light my path.” — Janet Mock
Janet Mock is one of the keynote speakers at the upcoming 13th annual Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference. The conference was founded in 2002 by a group of transgender activists, allies and service providers who saw the need to educate providers on transgender care. They gathered in a few rooms at a Friends school for a day of education, with about 150 people attending the event. Last year at the conference, 3,200 people attended, 250 workshops were offered and there were more than 50 additional activities during the three days of the conference. This year’s conference will again gather a village full of people, providing support and community — and, best of all, the three-day conference is free to all attendees.
This week we find out more about Samantha Jo Dato, the logistical coordinator for the conference.
PGN: Once upon a time … SD: I was a not-so-office-oriented transitioning woman from New Jersey — Atlantic City, I’m a saltwater taffy girl.
PGN: I don’t know too many people who actually grew up in Atlantic City. What was it like? SD: It was really fun, it didn’t seem like everything was so far away or so distant like it does now. The casino, tourist part didn’t start until after I got older so we grew up knowing who our neighbors and our elders were. It was very intimate.
PGN: Tell me a little about the family. SD: I am the middle child; we have two girls, one boy. I have a younger brother and an older sister. I’m the black-sheepish one: stubborn, always fighting for attention, but we have a good relationship now. I think we’ve all grown to … um [laughs] tolerate each other!
PGN: What was your favorite thing to do as a kid? SD: I don’t know. I guess playing dress-up was my most favoritest thing to do. I would go in my mom’s room and put on all her make-up and accessories. It was the highlight of my life! I still love dressing up.
PGN: Was that with or without your mom’s permission? SD: Without! Of course, without! But with repercussions and several beatings!
PGN: What was school like? SD: School was effortless when I was younger. But then as I got older I started getting into fashion, and into trouble trying to be grown-up and popular. My attention span disappeared. So I dropped out of high school and went to New York, but I made my mom a promise that I would graduate, so I did go back to school in 2006 and got my GED. I wouldn’t recommend dropping out, but I did learn a lot about the world.
PGN: So when you went to New York, was it to get into fashion? SD: Oh, no. I was just trying to be grown. I was hanging out and playing with friends. I didn’t want to obey any rules and Atlantic City was just too small and isolated for me. My mom could find out anything and everything about me. Anything I did, by the time I got home my mother already knew about it and was waiting for me. I was like, “This city is not for me. I want to see the stars and the lights.” So I went to the Big Apple.
PGN: What was that like? SD: Well, that was when I started transitioning and living like a woman. Well, I guess I wouldn’t call it transitioning that early, but I was starting to piece it together and answer a lot of unanswered questions. But then I realized that being a woman costs a lot of money, so I needed to move back home and get a job and get some more education. I’d had the dessert before the meal so I went back to school and got a job and got my act together.
PGN: Since you’re such a fashionista, what is your favorite piece of clothing? SD: I don’t know about favorite, but the most talked-about would be a pair of sky-blue Moschino jeans that I had as a kid. Fran from “The Nanny” used to love designer clothes and one episode she was wearing the same jeans. First the uproar was that my sister had to go tell my mom that I was wearing women’s jeans and then the second uproar was that a piece of clothing that I owned was shown on such a popular sitcom! It was really cool.
PGN: How do you get along with the family now? SD: As I said, my siblings and I tolerate each other but my mother’s come around. I was just on the phone with her and she’s always like, “You’re in Philadelphia, I’m in Jersey, let’s get together!” She calls … a lot.
PGN: When did you first become aware that trans people existed? SD: There are two different scenarios. I had always been comfortable in women’s clothing. Since I was about 5 or 6, I remember playing dress-up in my mom’s clothes and I remember wanting to go out in the world like that. At age 11, I got fully dressed up and ran through my neighborhood and everyone was like, “That was like Haney in drag in his mom’s wig!” In my mind I already felt comfortable and present there. My first realization of a transgender person was at work. After school I used to work at an apartment- complex gym. There was a woman that I’d seen work out before and never thought anything about it until a group of guys were saying, “Oh, that’s a man.” And I was like, “Is it? What? What do you mean she’s a man?!” That experience came to me when I was about 12 and I think it struck a note: I can do that too!
PGN: You’ve been working for a long time and had a varied career, from cocktail waitress at Bally’s to preparing taxes. What’s a favorite moment? SD: I’ve always worked, I know nothing else. I would say I’ve had three careers. I was a cocktail waitress for 10 years and I transitioned on the job. I started off as a male server and then as I became more comfortable and fluid, someone told me that they were going to fire me because I’d become so androgynous. I found the Mazzoni Center; the Link To Care program was the only one of its kind on the East Coast and it was an uphill battle learning how to be treated, how to be a woman and how to finesse things especially when you’re an alpha woman. I’m really a tomboy and most people don’t know that: I love trucks and pit bulls, swimming, jet skiing. [Laughs] I’m not as prissy as people think I am. But then I found therapy in doing make-up, and that became my second career. Of course I wanted the best so I found myself working for Mac makeup. It feels wonderful to enhance beauty, taking it from its raw and natural state and putting finishing touches on it. A lot of intimate moments came from it. You have someone in your chair for 40 minutes and you have to find things to talk about. I think it was my first chance to give back and care about someone and something else. It was very enlightening and prepared me for work as an activist. The Mazzoni thing kind of fell into my lap, and it’s been my third career.
PGN: Tell me about your work as an activist. SD: I’ve seen a lot of bullying and a lot of transwomen with self-esteem problems. I’ve seen women suffer because of not knowing where to go to get the right resources or not going because the resources didn’t look like them. There can be a barrier when the person helping is a cis man or cis woman, even if they’re gay. I felt like I’d done OK with myself mentally with a good head on my shoulders and hoped I could encourage and inspire other women to find their power too. I also worked to help doctors and service providers be more trans-friendly. Then the job for trans health coordinator opened up and I applied and got it!
PGN: What are some of the problems you see? SD: A lot of transwomen don’t seek help until it’s near-fatal because dealing with the medical profession often reintroduces trauma. You go in with your guard up and only tell them what they need to avoid questions. You skip important things like mammograms and prostate exams and other things you need to live a happy and healthy long life. There’s work to be done on both sides to educate service providers and the people who need them.
PGN: What women are inspirations for you? SD: It’s scary that I am my mother. As much as we didn’t see eye to eye when I was a teenager, I’ve come to find that I’m just like her. She’s definitely an inspiration to me. Aside from her, I don’t have any one person — everyone is inspiring to me. I try to take a little something from each person I meet.
PGN: Describe the first time you fell in love. SD: Oh! I thought I knew love many times. But the first time was with someone who is now my best friend: Sh Á Ruan Gantt, she was the first person who accepted me totally for who I am. All of my bad, my chaotic, my delusional and my crazy, she made me look deep within and find the good. It helped me refocus and change how I viewed myself.
PGN: What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever lied about? SD: I don’t know! I used to lie all the time when I was a kid. I was always trying to stay one step ahead of my mother’s detective work but she always caught me. Now I can’t lie. I’m like, “I did it and I’m sorry.” I’m glad I got it out of my system then. PGN: Three things on your bucket list? SD: Jumping out of a plane, definitely. Getting married! And getting a doctorate. In what, I don’t know, but I’m going to get one! PGN: So the Trans-Health Conference is coming up soon. What was your reaction the first time you went? SD: It was two years ago and I was like a kid in the candy store: There were so many trans people about and so many things to learn. I was like, Oh! Oh! I want to talk to you! I want to learn this! I want to listen to that person! I don’t think I got as much out of it as I could have because I was just all over the place. One of the things I’m looking forward to this year are some of the new things we’ve implemented, like the welcoming orientation, which is designed to help people get the lay of the land so they can get the max out of the conference. I’m also working with the workshop presenters so that they can be powerful and enthusiastic and impactful for every person who takes the time to hear them present. And we’re doing a volunteer station because I know that often, you have people show up to volunteer and nobody knows what to do with them. Now we now are better organized and I’m excited because it helps people feel empowered when they join or help.
PGN: I read you said that this conference is not just important to our area, but important to the world. SD: It is! Whether people want to believe it or not, trans is the new “in thing.” There are so many people transitioning or finding their place on the gender line that soon the world is going to realize how big the trans community is, that we are relevant to society and that we are your neighbors too. People are going to be impacted by the trans community, whether it’s a family member or neighbor or coworker. It’s important for those around us to really understand us and become intentional allies. And that’s something you can learn at this conference. We provide training and ally safe spaces and ongoing education and learning experiences. We want intentional and unapologetic allies. Just a small conversation on the elevator can change someone’s attitude.
PGN: What’s something that we don’t know about you? SD: Most people call me Samantha Jo Dato, but it’s really Samantha OJ Dato. My middle name is actually Olivia Jasmine, and somewhere along the way the initials got switched for entertainment purposes and it stuck!
PGN: You once said that, “Transgender identity is not dependent upon medical procedures. It’s about aligning yourself with your gender identity. There are still many misconceptions about transgender individuals and the trans community that prevail within mainstream society. In the not-too-distant past, many people believed that trans or transgender people were suffering from mental illness. Others believed transgender means a man wants to have surgery to be a woman. The true definition of transgender is not limited to those two narrowing perspectives.” SD: I did? Ha! I don’t remember saying that but it sounds about right.
PGN: What are some misconceptions that people have about the trans community? SD: One of the craziest stereotypes that first comes to mind is that not every transwoman is interested in every man they come across. Because I think you’re a nice neighbor or friendly mailman and I say hello does not mean I want to sleep with you. I love having male energy around me but I don’t want any of them. I have a boyfriend and I have standards. One of them is called employment, one of them is physical attraction. You’ll have someone who’s 4-feet tall with no teeth and a pot belly, who thinks just because you’re trans and act friendly you want to sleep with them. No!
PGN: Is it because there’s an over-sexualization of trans people in the media? SD: Yes. It’s uncomfortable. I’m a corporate person and I’ll have guys hooting and hollering or pulling their cars over to yell things. But we are more than our physique or looks. Unfortunately, I think that’s how many people were introduced to us, and the learning curve hasn’t happened yet. But I think it’s well on its way. I think seeing people like Janet Mock and Harper Jean Tobin — both keynote speakers at the conference — in the mainstream media is changing people’s perceptions. Seeing people like Laverne Cox and Chaz Bono and other trans people helps them realize that we’re important people with brains and thoughts and feelings and not just sexual objects.
PGN: Yes, people sometimes mock the importance of role models but I think they’re important. As the saying goes, “You can’t be what you can’t see.” SD: That makes sense. It’s something that I work on every day, to be better and greater than I was the day before. I’d like to think that I’m more than my oppression. It’s an exciting time.
For more information on the Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference, visit www.trans-health.org.
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