“I was in shock. I didn’t know how to deal with it all. My parents threw me out when they found out I’m trans, and it still causes me stress and pain to think about.”
These are the words of a young person participating in a recent mindfulness class I taught. Fortunately, she was able to find a job and a safe place to live. And I was heartened to hear that, even for someone in a traumatic situation, taking part in our mindfulness class offered some concrete relief. As she explained: “I know that when I come to mindfulness class, I get to experience calm and can cope with it all better.”
I see it in almost every class I teach: People realize that life can be painful and challenging, but they also start to see they have the inner resources to cope — and maybe even to enjoy life. They are able to locate some calm amidst the storm. And it starts with paying attention to life, right now, in this moment.
Mindfulness, or paying attention to our present-moment experience, has been shown in clinical research to reduce the symptoms of stress. More specifically, people who practice mindfulness regularly over a period of four to eight weeks experience lowered symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression and the effects of chronic illnesses, while increasing concentration, problem-solving and conflict-resolution abilities, and empathy.
With such wide-ranging benefits, mindfulness and the eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course are being used in all kinds of settings, from hospitals to corporations to schools, to combat stress, to help reduce chronic pain, to improve productivity and teamwork and to help school-aged children focus in class. It’s all part of what Time magazine dubs “The Mindful Revolution.”
As a mindfulness instructor and a member of the LGBT community, I am excited to be partnering with Mazzoni Center to offer what we hope will be the first in an ongoing series of mindfulness classes specifically tailored to LGBT individuals, starting in June.
“Not only do LGBT people experience the everyday stresses of life that everyone else experiences, we also deal with coming out, transitioning, fearing rejection and other stressors,” says Mazzoni director of behavioral health Judy Morrissey. “It’s important for us to not only have the safe space to discuss our issues in a supportive setting, but also to benefit from the valuable skill of mindfulness.”
I can attest to the power of mindfulness in changing my own life. I sometimes describe myself as having been a “highly functioning anxious person.” For years I worked hard to try to prove my worth, and to cover up a sense of inadequacy and a fear of rejection. I worked with amazing people, and on projects that were deeply meaningful to me, but I didn’t enjoy life much.
I can see now that a layer of fear kept me from feeling truly present and “showing up” for life. Mindfulness changed all that. Learning to focus my mind, I tend to see the moment more clearly. I recognize the old thinking that is causing me anxiety, and this gives me the opportunity to choose what to do next, rather than simply reacting.
It’s not that I don’t experience moments of stress and anxiety — it’s just that I no longer allow them to run my life. I can notice the anxiety is happening and choose to act anyway. I can take a deep breath to help me relax. The point is, I have the choice because I’m aware of what’s happening. And I can also notice the joy that happens when I do the things I love. I still get scared sometimes, but mostly I feel grateful for the opportunities I have to participate in life, and to help others experience the same thing.
I think this is especially important for LGBT folks, because we have so much to contribute to the world. My goal is to help people be themselves as much as they can. Unfortunately, “showing up” for life by paying greater attention is more challenging that it would seem. A recent Harvard study suggested that 47 percent of the time we are lost in our thoughts, rather than paying attention to the present. Our attention goes to thoughts of regret for the past, or worrying about the future. Compounding that is the reality of our increasingly busy schedules, and the frequency with which our thoughts are interrupted by the technology we carry.
“Paying attention” itself has not been viewed as an actual skill that can be learned and nurtured — it’s been assumed that people can do it. But with training, we can actually improve our ability to focus our attention, to block out distractions and concentrate on what matters. The benefits of this are well worth it.
Mindfulness is like exercise for the brain. We train the mind through a variety of “drills” to stay focused on a particular area, and it strengthens our capacity to concentrate. Studies show that the brain literally changes structure as we teach it how to focus attention. And beyond that, people report changes in their quality of life.
One person who attended a recent course told me what she’d learned from mindfulness: “I try to take one moment at a time, to be present and find more joy in each activity.” Another said: “I learned how to conquer fear by recognizing it, and doing the fearful action anyway.” Another said simply: “I’ve learned how to accept myself more.”
Mindfulness is not a cure-all, and is not appropriate for everyone. But it can be so easily applied in so many different situations, and there are so many varieties of practices, that many people find it extremely helpful.
It all boils down to paying attention. Once we see and accept what IS, we learn that we can be ourselves and cope with life’s challenges. We can also then make powerful decisions about how to change our life. It starts with learning to notice our life — right here and now.
For more info on the upcoming class at Mazzoni Center, visit www.mazzonicenter.org/mindfulness or email [email protected].
Bob Pileggi is a facilitator, meditation and yoga instructor, spiritual director, Interfaith minister, ceremony officiant and documentary photographer. He is passionate about helping people be more present to life and its unique moments. He teaches simple skills with powerful effects that people can practice in daily life to be more self-aware and find well-being. His life has focused on the empowerment and civil rights of LGBT people. Learn more about Bob at www.bobpileggi.com and www.pagayweddings.com.