I do not watch The Disney Channel. Mind you, this is not any kind of elitist pronouncement. It’s just that I’m more than 7 years old.
The Disney Channel does play a small role in my life, however, as my son sometimes watches it. Or, more accurately, it is frequently on the TV in the kids’ area at the gym where I drop off my son while I go work out in the hopes that it will help me live that much longer so I can keep doing the important work of being his mom. Which I love doing because I love him.
At times when I pick him up, his eyes are glued to one of many weird Disney sitcoms where children and adults try to approximate real-world snarky humor, except because it is a show for children, any and all rough edges are not just smoothed, but are melted into an edgeless blob of mindless pap.
Which leads me to the show “Good Luck Charlie,” a show I never would have intentionally sought out except for the fact that the show recently featured Taylor, a little girl with two moms who comes over to have a play date with Charlie, the show’s namesake.
So Charlie’s mom, Amy, and dad, Bob, meet Susan and Cheryl, Taylor’s two moms. And Amy and Bob kind of bumble their way good-naturedly through the whole two-mom experience. The big gag is that Susan goes to watch “the game” in the basement with Bob, and Cheryl stays upstairs and chats with Amy. Except the pairs don’t really mesh (Bob won’t shut up about the bugs he exterminates for a living, and Cheryl won’t stop finishing Amy’s sentences) and so a headache is faked and the play date is over.
It’s all really dull, honestly. Though I have to say, good for Disney for daring to show that lesbian couples can be totally boring and annoying just like the straight couples they usually parade in front of us.
Do I need to mention that people are upset? Because people are upset. The largely pretend One Million Moms are threatening to boycott or some such bullshit.
But it’s Peter LaBarbera’s anger that most amuses me. LaBarbera, of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality, warns, “This is probably The Disney Channel’s first ‘baby step’ into more aggressive homosexual advocacy — which is not unexpected given America’s moral decline, but tragic just the same.”
Yes, how tragic that my kid might see another kid with two moms on TV. Or, worse, that kids who don’t have two moms will be subjected to something so commonplace.
“If you are a Christian and/or moral-minded parent who wants to teach your children that homosexuality is aberrant and wrong behavior — i.e., you don’t want to model sinful relationships as normative to your kids — YOUR morality and faith, and your child’s innocence, are being undermined by Disney.”
He’s right that Disney is undermining your child’s innocence, though. Disney doesn’t care about anything other than making money. Which is hardly a virtuous enterprise.
But are Cheryl and Susan going to deflower America’s kids? Not so much. Granted, this was not an antigay episode. Cheryl and Susan aren’t run out of Charlie’s house. Bob doesn’t threaten to “rape them straight” and Amy doesn’t smack them in the head with a crucifix or anything. Perhaps such a rewrite would help LaBarbera sleep better at night. n
D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world, she reviews rock ’n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.