PGN has recently marked Valentine’s Day by celebrating both love and lust, and who better to speak to those topics than Dr. Timaree Schmit? Some of you may know the good doctor from her days dancing as part of the Sexy Sirens at Sisters, or from firing up the crowd with her flexibility at a Stimulus event. Others may have attended one of the lectures on human sexuality or sex in the media that she’s taught as an adjunct professor at Widener University, or perhaps you’ve read one of the many academic papers she’s published. Could be she has helped you bend and stretch in her role as a fitness instructor in one of the eight gyms where she teaches as an American Aerobics and Fitness Association-certified instructor. There’s not much she hasn’t done.
Schmit has worked in the field of sexuality education for over a decade, as an HIV-prevention counselor, advice columnist, diversity-training consultant, community organizer and lecturer, but she is best known for her sexuality columns and podcasts, which are syndicated on a number of websites and can be found at SexWithTimaree.com.
PGN: How does a kid from Nebraska end up in Philadelphia talking to people about sex? TS: When I was teenager, I was fascinated with the subject and the moment I heard that sexuality education was a career, I knew that I wanted to go into it. I’d originally planned to go into cinematography but as soon as I learned about this field, I moved to Philadelphia, where Widener University had the only nationally accredited doctoral program in human sexuality in the United States. I got my master’s and my Ph.D. there.
PGN: What got you so interested about sex as a youngster? Most kids are pretty freaked out about it. [Laughs.] I think back on the first time someone explained French kissing to me and my friends, and our reaction was, “Ewww! Someone puts their tongue in your mouth!” TS: I know. But there’s so much that we do as little kids that, looking back through an adult lens, is very sexual. The experimenting that you did with a friend or cousin that was innocent but you look back and with an adult eye and attach shame to it. But bodies are interesting; they’re a normal thing to be curious about. And anything that you don’t explain to kids, they get extra curious about. The body does so many fascinating things and it feels interesting to touch it. That early experimenting is us trying to figure out ourselves and how we fit into the world, which is what a child’s job is. Then, as adults, we put all this stuff on top of it, labeling it bad and sinful and shameful.
PGN: You’ll grow hair on your palm … TS: [Laughs.] Yes! So much misinformation.
PGN: How did you learn about sex? TS: My first time “learning” about sex was probably from seeing something in a movie, which is pretty common because no one wants to talk to kids about sex. I decided to teach myself and read voraciously about sexuality and became the go-to sage for friends who had sex questions.
PGN: What questions did you get from your peers about sex? TS: Mostly questions about pregnancy and the menstrual cycle. A lot of “how to” technical questions. The answer was usually, “She needs to be aroused and perhaps you need to use lubrication.” The impression most kids get from movies is that you kiss and the girl should be ready for you to shove something into something. No. Ouch. The school really should’ve been teaching a lot of that stuff but sadly most don’t.
PGN: What really sticks in your mind? TS: A lot of the girls refused to ask their boyfriends to wear protection; they didn’t want to be perceived as pushy. There’s one girl who I was friendly with who I think came from an abusive background so she wasn’t terribly empowered about her body to start with. She wouldn’t use birth control or condoms. She considered herself anti-abortion and pro-life but then she would get pregnant and drink enough to miscarry. She carried one pregnancy to eight months and had the baby but then it died a few days later. It was a tragic story because she was otherwise a bright girl. Now she won’t leave that town because that’s where her child is buried. That was pretty heavy to deal with in eighth or ninth grade.
PGN: What were you like as a kid? TS: I guess I was a “weird” kid growing up in a very homogenous area. I went to a small, almost-entirely white Catholic school in Eastern Nebraska. I knew I was queer and I wasn’t quiet about it. I’d argue with theology teachers and didn’t care if someone thought I was bad or going to hell. I just was always myself.
PGN: And how did you even become aware of what homosexuality was? TS: When I was young I always mixed things around: My Barbies dated other Barbies, my Barbies dated Kens, some of my Ken dolls dated each other, no one ever told me it was supposed to be just Barbie and Ken. It wasn’t until I heard someone make a gay slur and I asked what it was about that I learned what gay meant, and that was when I learned that you weren’t supposed to just love whomever you wanted to, you were supposed to pick a team and that you were supposed to pick the right team. When I got a little older I realized, That’s stupid. I don’t need to follow your rules.
PGN: What were your parents like? TS: They’re both educators. My mom is an English professor and teaches theater. She was my speech and debate coach and was very involved in the arts, which I thank her for introducing me to. It helped me get out of Nebraska. Art can be so transformative, especially for a young queer person. Seeing queer representation in films can be the difference between life and death for a small-town kid. My dad was a high-school principal, then he bought a bar and now he plays poker for a living!
PGN: OK, I see where you get your rebel spirit. What were your other hobbies? TS: I was into everything. That was the upside to a small town: You didn’t have to pick a track and stick with it. I was president of the National Honor Society, secretary of student council, I was in speech and drama, I was a cheerleader, I ran track, I played volleyball, I was on a trivia team, Spanish club, I did community service. You name it, which translates to today. I still want to do everything I can.
PGN: And what is it that you do? TS: Well, I’m a sexuality educator, which means that I teach at colleges and do workshops where I’m asked to speak or do consulting. I also have a website, Sex with Timaree, and I do a regular podcast. I’m also a fitness instructor and I teach at about eight different local gyms. I teach Pilates, dance, Zumba, Flirty-girl fitness, piloxing, spinning, kickboxing and cardio/sculpting. I do boot camps too, everything but yoga. Though I love yoga, nothing against it! I also write, I have a thing with Philadelphia Weekly in the works, and I write for Kinkadelphia. That’s some of it …
PGN: What were your first experiences in Philly? TS: I moved here with two girls, a couple, who also wanted to escape Nebraska. Right away, I fell in love with Sisters; I lived there on Karaoke Thursdays. I love dancing so the idea that I could go somewhere every night of the week and dance was amazing. Life-changing.
PGN: And you became a dancer with the Sexy Sirens there? TS: Yes, I won a whipped-cream bikini contest at Sisters that I entered because my friend needed rent money and there was a $200 prize. I told her, “I’m gonna go get you some money,” and I did. I had so much fun performing and dancing that the manager, Denise, asked me if I wanted to perform regularly. We held auditions and the Sexy Sirens were born. We lasted for about five years. I don’t dance with a troupe now, but you can catch me at a lot of the Stimulus events.
PGN: Give me one good reason we should be lifting weights with our vaginas? TS: [Laughs.] Oh, you’ve been looking at my website! I didn’t write that piece but, generally, women do not do enough with their pelvic-floor muscles, which is important for multiple reasons — for sexual pleasure and control and for utilitarian reasons. Having strong pelvic-floor muscles makes pregnancy and post-pregnancy easier and is really helpful with incontinence and other aging issues.
PGN: Which leads into the intersection of health and fitness and sex. TS: Yes, they are very interrelated and when I’m teaching fitness, I try to make it fun. I’ll suggest that a particular exercise may have extracurricular applications. I try to keep it classy and subtle but still make it clear. And when I teach classes on sexuality, I may emphasize that fitness is not just about being a size 4 or buffed-up to be sexy, it’s about being empowered and learning what your body can do. Going back to when we were little kids, in my opinion that’s part of our purpose: to find out what your vehicle is capable of. There’s plenty of science to support the idea that regular exercise is not only important for your physical health, it also makes you feel better and feel better about yourself. If you’re comfortable and love your body, you’re more likely to make decisions that respect yourself. Many times, people who don’t love themselves or their bodies do things they don’t want to do because it’s how they get affirmation from other people or it can cause you to put up a wall and/or obstacles, both emotionally and physically, that keep people away. Like not wanting to come out from under the covers or turn lights on or letting a partner explore your body without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
PGN: So true. Changing gears, what is the DTF? TS: That’s the Darryl and Timaree fun hour! That’s where me and my friend Darryl Charles do a sex-ed comedy game show. We discuss current events and topics pertaining to sexuality, gender, porn, love and relationships. We also play crazy games, it’s very interactive. In fact, we’re doing a show Feb. 14, which I highly recommend as a Valentine’s Day activity. It’s BYOB, and you can get entertained and educated all about your sex life before you do whatever it is you’re going to do to celebrate.
PGN: Are you a big Valentine’s Day person? TS: I think any time you have a chance to celebrate love and positive feelings towards another person — whether it’s a mother, father, friend or lover — it’s a great time to commemorate the love you have for other people or yourself.
PGN: You have a Ph.D. and you also dance. How do you straddle the line between being sexy and being objectified? TS: What makes the issue of objectification problematic is when someone is viewed as an object only. In our culture, we have a notion that a woman can be either an object or she can be a person worthy of respect, not both. We let men exist in both those spaces; a man can be sexy and also considered respectable but we have difficulty conceptualizing that a woman might be sexy and sexual and intelligent and kind and worthy of listening to and respecting. I love it when women are like, “Nope, that’s bullshit. I can be both things. I don’t have to cover myself up for you to treat me like a person.” It’s still a taboo for a woman to say “I’m intelligent, I want you to respect me and check out my ass.” We are not supposed to let people view us as sexual beings if we want to be respected. But the reality is if we want to be treated as full people, that means hot asses and legs and tits too. For me, I love being able to express my sexuality through dance and if other people enjoy it, then I enjoy it that much more. When we can have an exchange of energy and spirit that we both get enjoyment out of, it’s great. The only time there’s a problem is where someone has limitations in their mind and wants to impose their own stuff on it. For me, I’m walking the walk: I’m not saying one thing in my academic life but not practicing it. A lot of sexuality educators feel that they have to dress up like schoolmarms to teach about sex. Not me.
PGN: In one of your posts, you wrote that you were going to speak to some people who practiced polyamory and you didn’t know what to expect. Do people surprise you often? TS: Oh yes. In this case, they were a lot of older, for the most part wealthy, white people in the suburbs. Swinging and polyamory are terms where there is a lot of whiteness. Not to say that people of color don’t engage in those sort of things, there’s probably just different vocabulary around it. But researchers tend to focus on white people, so we know more about them. Anyway, it always just pleases me when people find out what they like and run with it. Whenever I talk to someone who’s into BDSM, I always ask them how they figured out that it was an interest in the first place. It usually traces back to when they were kids, the first time they were turned on by a pain thing or saw something that got them aroused. I’m so proud of people who aren’t cowed or controlled by what society tells them is the norm.
PGN: Let’s do some random questions. Favorite part of the museum? TS: If we’re talking Academy of Natural Sciences, you’ll find me by the dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs.
PGN: Favorite poet? TS: This may be cheesy but Shel Silverstein. He influenced me as a kid a lot. I have a tattoo of one of his drawings.
PGN: What actor should play your life story? TS: I’m told that I look like Claire Danes but I’d want someone with a bigger ass.
PGN: Worst date ever? TS: I went on a date on my birthday, and the person spent the entire time — three hours — talking about their ex. I wanted to say, “You don’t need to be dating, you need to find a good friend and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.”
PGN: Best celebrity encounter? TS: I try not to kiss and tell.
PGN: If heaven exists, what do you want to hear when you hit those pearly gates? TS: This is assuming I’d get in? I guess I’d like to hear that the Buddhists were right and I’m coming back.
Catch DTF at 10:30 p.m. Feb. 14 at Philly Improve Theater, 2030 Sansom St. For tickets, visit www.phillyimprovtheater.ticketleap.com.
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