For decades, conservative Christian yapping head Pat Robertson has made a living by saying really crazy shit. He says it on TV, he writes it in books, he’s on the Internet. So this crazy shit gets a lot of attention. And the shit just gets weirder and weirder.
Take the time when he blamed 9/11 on “pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the American Civil Liberties Union and the People For the American Way.” Or when he made fun of people who have plastic surgery, saying they’ve “got the eyes like they’re Oriental” and then pulled his eyelids to either side and squinted. Or when he asked if mac and cheese was a “black thing.” Or when he compared homosexuality to demon possession.
But the man was not content to stop there. He had not reached the apex of his insanity. And while some people said it couldn’t be done, the man may have finally maxed out his crazy card.
On the Aug. 27 episode of “The 700 Club,” while discussing AIDS with cohost Terry Meeuwsen, Robertson said, “There are laws now. I think the homosexual community has put these draconian laws on the books that prohibit people from discussing this particular affliction. You can tell somebody they had a heart attack, you can tell that they’ve got high blood pressure, but you can’t tell anybody they’ve got AIDS.”
Huh? So homosexuals have made it illegal to talk about AIDS? It’s not clear from what he says if he means that gays have made it illegal to disclose your own status to people, or if he’s talking about the legality of disclosing someone else’s status. Either way, it isn’t true. There is not a gay mafia gag order on AIDS talk.
Robertson continues, and this is when shit gets real, “You know what they do in San Francisco? Some in the gay community there, they want to get people so if they got the stuff they’ll have a ring, you shake hands and the ring’s got a little thing where you cut your finger,” Robertson said.
Meeuwsen replies, “Really?” Which is probably the closest one can come to saying, “WTF?” on “The 700 Club.” She also is giving Robertson an out, a chance to say, “Just kidding, LOL! No one would possibly believe such a thing or say something so completely untrue and inflammatory on national TV!”
But that’s not what he says. He says, “Really. It’s that kind of vicious stuff, which would be the equivalent of murder.”
If slicing AIDS handshakes were a real thing, that would be shocking in itself. But that someone would say such a thing out loud and believe it is the real shock here.
So I got to thinking about how Robertson’s not afraid to say ignorant, offensive, racist shit and, considering the derision he receives, he’s not afraid to be laughed at.
And that’s when I realized the truth about Pat Robertson. He’s a stand-up comic on the down low. These aren’t just the ravings of a fringe lunatic, they’re bits. All this time he’s been punking us.
Granted, he’s not very funny. But it doesn’t seem fair to hold him to the same quality standards as mainstream comics. I mean, that’s how it works with Christian rock.
But his secret is out. And the fact that no one in his audience gets the joke helps explain why he’s trying out more shocking material, like the AIDS-ring bit. It’s sad to watch a comic bomb. And sadder still that Robertson doesn’t have people in his life who have the heart and the guts to tell him to get off the goddamn stage.
D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world, she reviews rock ’n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.