People often ask me where I get the subjects for my Portraits. Most of the recommendations come from friends and family — my mother’s always chatting people up, telling potential subjects that her daughter writes for PGN. Some come from people who have been profiled. A good number come from dear readers like you and, every once in a while, I’ll just see someone who looks interesting and approach (which can be interesting in a non-gay setting). At a recent Our Night Out event, I kept finding myself staring at a very dapper fellow sitting at the next table. Sean Doan had his circle of friends laughing as he engaged them in conversation. I decided to find out more about the man.
PGN: In the beginning … SD: I was born in Vietnan. I came to this country when I was about 6 years old, to Allentown. I didn’t know a word of English. Now I know a few more.
PGN: I’d say so! We closed down Our Night Out. SD: I know, it was fun. I love Philadelphia. I’ve been here about four years; before that I was in the suburbs off the Main Line. I love living right in the heart of things. I love the hustle and bustle of the streets, horns honking, people yelling, everything. I‘m definitely a city guy. I could never go back to the suburbs.
PGN: Tell me about the family. What did the parents do? SD: They’re both retired but my father was a professor and my mother was a nurse. [Laughs.] And I have an older brother who, in typical Vietnamese fashion, owns a nail salon.
PGN: Do you have any memories from Vietnam? SD: None whatsoever. None. I just know what I’ve seen in textbooks and from pictures. It looks wonderful but I have no desire to go back.
PGN: Really? I’d love to go there. SD: It’s supposed to be a big tourist destination now, but that flight? Oh, no! I just couldn’t handle it. My brother and other relatives go back all the time but it’s too much for me. I’m too impatient to sit on a plane for 20-plus hours.
PGN: How much of the family is here now? SD: Everybody. Over the years, every last one has migrated here. Uncles, cousins, grandmothers; there’s no one left to visit there!
PGN: Tell me about a favorite relative. SD: My mom. I’m very fortunate. My mom and dad separated when I was young. I have an aunt and uncle who don’t have any kids and they became second and third parents. We’re Catholics and they actually met in the seminary. My aunt was a nun and my uncle was a priest.
PGN: What? SD: I know, they’re going to kill me for telling this, but they met and fell in love. They left the religious community about 30 years ago and have been inseparable ever since. I’m very blessed because most kids nowadays are lucky to have even one good parent and I have three. I love all three of them; picking one is like picking your favorite child. But if I had to, I’d say my mother. We have a special relationship. We don’t always see eye-to-eye on issues, but over the years we’ve built a bond that gets stronger the older I get. I’ve really learned to appreciate my parents, all three.
PGN: So what was life like in Allentown? SD: Boring! There was one gay bar there — no, two.
PGN: Ha! I meant as a kid. I’m assuming you weren’t clubbing in grade school. SD: Whoops. Well, it was a very white suburban area. So we always felt we had to prove ourselves. People just saw us as a minority, like, “What are these people all about? Are they collecting welfare, what’s up with them?” We tried to show that we were churchgoing, hard-working, stand-up citizens and as a result we were pretty much accepted. My mom bought her house in 1986, then my cousin bought the house next-door in 1987, my aunt bought the house on the other side in 1990, then another cousin bought a house a block away and it kept growing until we had about eight houses clustered in the area.
PGN: Your own Kennedy compound! So did you still face discrimination, people thinking you were on welfare when in fact your father was a professor? SD: A little. Actually, he stayed in Vietnam, just my mom moved to the States.
PGN: Ah, that would make it hard to see him very often. SD: Yes, and visiting Vietnam isn’t like going to Mexico back and forth; there’s a lot more paperwork involved.
PGN: Do you have dual citizenship? SD: No, I’m a U.S. citizen, but it can get tricky.
PGN: What was a favorite class in school? SD: I was never a bookwormish person. I’d probably say social studies. Do they still call it that? History, whatever. I was not your typical Asian, I hated math! I was horrible at it.
PGN: What was a favorite toy? SD: Oh gosh, Sheera. Remember Sheera and the power of Grayskull? I also liked the original Transformers. I loved them, and what else? I didn’t have Barbie dolls, I wasn’t that gay yet, but I loved Care Bears and Garbage Pail Kids. Remember they had little flash cards with them?
PGN: And what was your brother like? He was a year-and-a-half older? SD: I actually didn’t grow up with him. When my mom and dad separated, he stayed with my dad in Vietnam and I came to the States with my mom. He didn’t move here until he was 23. So I was pretty much raised like an only child. We’ve bonded since he’s been here. He’s your typical straight guy, likes to go out on dates and has four kids.
PGN: [Laughs.] Still going on dates with four kids? SD: No, no, no, no. He’d better not, his wife would kill him!
PGN: That must have been odd to suddenly have a brother who was full-grown. SD: Yes, but I did make him into a diva. He wears Deisel and Armani Exchange, he’s a true metrosexual now. That was my gift to him.
PGN: How did you first figure out that you were gay? SD: Grade school. While all the boys were knocking each other around playing tackle football and wallowing in the mud or whatever guys do, I was busy using colored chalk to make hopscotch boards and playing with the girls. I knew right then and there. And TV: I watched more of the girly shows like “Jem and the Holograms.”
PGN: “Jem and the Holograms”? SD: You don’t know “Jem and the Holograms”? Oh my gosh, Jem was truly, truly outrageous and she had a special pair of earrings that gave her magical powers. It was cool.
PGN: Skipping ahead, did you go to college? SD: I did. I went to a Catholic high school and then went on to Catholic college, DeSales University, where I studied business administration and human resources. I worked during the day and went to school at night. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with myself, so I went back after I graduated and I’m actually pursing a Ph.D in criminal justice now.
PGN: What was your first job? SD: My aunt and uncle owned a seafood store and I worked the cash register when I was about 10. Then when I was about 15, I worked at Burger King, the Home of the Whopper.
PGN: What was your worst incident at work? SD: Got burned by the deep fryer. I still have the scar.
PGN: And what’s your day job while you’re in night school? SD: I’ve worked in the telecommunications industry for 17 years.
PGN: That’s exactly how long I was at Sisters! SD: I heard about that. So many bars are closing. Splash Bar in New York closed after 22 years. It was iconic, I remember going there in my 20s. A good night out used to be dancing all night and coming home smelling like cigarettes with a bunch of phone numbers on cocktail napkins. I think that now, with the Internet and sites like Grindr and Scruff or whatever the hell they use — I don’t use that stuff — people don’t need to go out to meet people.
PGN: Good point. My nephew just turned 16 and is in no hurry to get his license. We were just talking about how when we were kids you couldn’t wait to start driving so that you could meet up with your friends at the mall or wherever. Now they just all text and Facetime each other. SD: It’s crazy. Since I work in the telecommunications business I see the stats. There are some kids who send 7,000 texts a month!
PGN: What’s in store for the future? SD: I want to do something that serves the LGBT community. I want to make a difference. I’d love to do something that helps unite us. There’s so much division and we could use something to help us create bonds. There’s too much discrimination amongst the community. Bullying is such a problem too.
PGN: Break down what you mean by discrimination. SD: It’s hard to articulate, but we are very cliqueish in Philadelphia. I think in part because Philadelphia is so affordable, many of us live and work and socialize all in the same area. As a result, we know everyone’s lives and business for better or worse. It makes it hard for anyone to penetrate the scene. Whereas in New York or a lot of cities, it’s too expensive for the average person to live in Center City so it’s not as much of a hard-core group of all the same people. We discriminate on all sorts of things — socioeconomic status, the kind of person they’re attracted to, drug use, you name it.
PGN: Yeah, I interviewed Jay McCarroll last week and he spoke about how mean people were to him until he became famous. You’re such a handsome fella, what discrimination have you faced? SD: You’re too kind, Suzi. There’s a lot of superficiality in the community. For me, I’ve just learned that you have to be comfortable in your own skin. I love RuPaul’s show, especially at the end where she gives a quote for the day. One of my favorites is, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?” It’s so, so true. Once you have that, you won’t give a fuck about what people think. When I go out, I do whatever outrageous thing I want, whether it’s throwing on fishnets and stilettos or rocking a suit and tie. I live life for me. If you need the acceptance of others, you’ll never be happy.
PGN: Tell me about coming out. SD: Because I’m of Asian background, it’s not something that’s exalted. I.e., I wouldn’t exactly invite the folks to ride the float with me at a gay Pride event. It’s tolerated but not celebrated. But I act the same way here or at home or at work, always have. You accept it or you don’t.
PGN: Partnered? SD: Single. Very single. Please note that! Hey, since this is a newspaper interview, say that I’m 5-foot-8, 135 pounds, muscular, 24 years old with 2.5 percent body fat.
PGN: Will do! What prompts you to want to give back? SD: I grew up in a family where we were taught that if you have something, you share it. If someone needs help, you step up and help them. I don’t know if it’s from my mom being a nurse or what, but life is not about how much you accumulate, it’s about helping your community. Whatever you do, if you’re an engineer or a janitor, you can be a productive member of society and share your talents with others. We all have a gift to share and I think it’s an obligation to do so.
PGN: You seem so self-assured. Where does that come from? SD: I think being Asian and gay both carry stigmas. It was tough getting into the gay community — that discrimination we spoke about — but instead of crying about the fact that I’ll never be 6-foot-3 and muscular, I strive to be the best me I can.
PGN: Do you find a reverse racism, as in being sought after because you’re Asian? Eroticized? SD: Oh, all the time, all the time! They’ll think of me as something exotic [laughs], but as soon as I open my mouth, I destroy all those illusions! I think because of the way I dress and carry myself, they imagine I’m some kind of little gay Asian bottom boy, but as they get to know me, those stereotypes go away. I don’t even like using chopsticks. This is funny, there are a bunch of Asian restaurants on Washington Avenue that serve pho, the Vietnamese noodle dish. My friends and I go there and I’m always like, “Excuse me, can I have a fork please?” The people always look at me like I’m some kind of traitor as I sit there with all my non-Asian friends who are using chopsticks.
PGN: I had an ex whose parents were from China but she was from Jersey. She actually spoke Chinese but she would get mad if someone, especially guys, would try to talk to her in Mandarin. She’d be like, “Dude, I’m from Piscataway. I have no idea what you’re saying.” SD: That’s funny! I actually speak fluent Vietnamese too.
PGN: Hobbies? SD: I never participated in sports but now I find I really like keeping in shape. I go to the gym five days a week. I do Bikram yoga and I’ve started pole dancing. It takes a lot of strength! It’s no joke. It’s like gymnastics. A lot of people associate it with sex and seduction and it can incorporate the art of seduction, but you have to have a lot of core and upper-body strength. And you get crazy pole burns; you’re holding your whole body up with just your thighs sometimes.
PGN: Do you know Alfie Sosa? I did his column, he’s big into pole dancing. SD: Yes, yes! I saw him perform at Boys of Summer. He’s amazing. I’m nowhere near that level.
PGN: You’re a very dapper dresser. SD: I love to shop, that’s my other hobby. I love clothes. My favorite designer is Versace. I try to wear something Versace every day, whether it’s a belt or tie or just the cologne.
PGN: What’s a favorite line from a movie? SD: I don’t have the patience to watch movies but I do love “The Devil Wears Prada.” It’s my all-time favorite movie, no big surprise. I love the scene during the interview where Meryl Streep’s character looks Anne Hathaway up and down and says, “Before today you never heard of me, you don’t read as runway and you have no sense of style …” Anne starts to interject and Streep says, “No, no. That wasn’t a question.” And I loved the way whenever she gave a task or assignment, she’d say, “That’s all” and wave people away. So funny. And I love RuPaul, especially the way she claps! “Silence … bring back.” That’s my girl.
PGN: Are you a summer or winter person? SD: Summer, without a doubt. I go to the beach all the time. I prefer the heat. Less clothing!
PGN: What celebrity would you want to do a movie with? SD: Lady Gaga. I’m infatuated with her. Or Cher, I love anything to do with her.
PGN: I interviewed Chaz Bono for the column. SD: You did? That’s awesome. And now you’re doing me! PGN: Yup, you’re now one degree of separation from Cher.