Dr. Michael LaSala, director of Rutgers University’s Master of Social Work program, received a grant two years ago to interview 65 gay and lesbian youth and their parents about the family coming-out process — and recently published “African-American Gay Youth and Their Families: Redefining Masculinity, Coping with Racism and Homophobia” in the Journal of GLBT Family Studies. LaSala, who is also the author of “Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child,” had both a personal and professional interest in conducting the study as an openly gay male and as a psychotherapist and social worker. “I have been trained in family therapy and what I understood from my training is as a child goes through adolescence to young adulthood, families need to support a child’s economy and maintain connections, and it needs to be done in a reciprocal way,” he said. LaSala was also interested in exploring potential racial and ethnic differences in the process. “ A lot of the material out there about gay and lesbian folks tends to be about white families and white LGBT individuals, so I was careful when I was selecting my families to get cultural families,” he said. Among the participants, LaSala studied 17 African-American and six Latino individuals and saw many commonalities among the different ethnic groups and their families. “The parents are often surprised and self-blame no matter what race they are,” he said. “Parents said one of the most helpful things was finding someone to talk to.” In LaSala’s study, he wrote that “when they realized they were gay, but before they came out, African-American youths, like their white counterparts, distanced themselves from their parents for self-protection and to avoid conflict.” LaSala said, however, that young black males also faced double stigma around issues of gender and representation in the African-American community. “According to black parents, gender-role expectations among African-Americans made life particularly tough for black gay men and the families who love them,” he wrote. “It has been asserted that there is great pressure on black men to be ‘hypermasculine.’” Although parents across the racial and ethnic board had similarities in self-blame, LaSala found that “black parents were less likely than their white counterparts to report that they mourned the loss of a normal life for their children when they initially learned they were gay.” LaSala said that because of the “elevated risk for poverty, illness and incarceration faced by blacks, such a future vision of a ‘normal’ life was perhaps less of a ‘sure thing.’” LaSala said he was surprised to see that when families are willing to face the struggles that accompany the coming-out process, they often get to a point where they build stronger and closer relationships. “If families really work hard at this, stay connected, work at getting rid of the stigma and adjust, they can say that this was one of the best things to happen to their family,” he said. In his study, LaSala said it was important for the correct information to be provided to parents about homosexuality myths and misconceptions, referencing previous studies that found how open discussion about racism can be healing and empowering for African-American families. “In keeping with this idea, a family discussion of expectations regarding masculinity as well as the intersection of racism, sexism and homophobia that includes both mothers and fathers (or father figures) might be helpful to families with a coming-out African-American son,” LaSala wrote. LaSala said the study showed him that those who are ready to come out to their parents or guardians should be guided by one piece of advice: Consider the potential outcome. “They need to go through their own pace. The coming-out experience is not a race; do it when you are ready,” he said. “If you are thinking about coming out, consider the possible rejection and potential outcome and consequences.” LaSala said youth should be prepared for a variety of reactions and have a plan for potential responses. He also said that during the process, youth need a support network. “They want their parents to say ‘I love you’ and not reject them, but parents may not be available for the reassurance that these kids are looking for. The question is how will the youth take care of their emotional needs while this is happening,” he said, noting that the questions raised and findings identified in his study can fuel discussion on topics not often given adequate attention. “People in the community, such as social workers, educators, psychologists, etc., are hungry for this knowledge. I also hope those who are not therapists and social workers get a lot from reading about these experiences.”
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