Over the last few months, this column has been chronicling the successes on the road to equality. They have come hard and fast. Some are just at the beginning stage: We have learned when you take on the Catholic Church it backs down; when you set out to educate the people on marriage equality then have a good political strategy, it brings success. All of this has not gone unnoticed by Republicans such as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who appointed an openly gay man to the New Jersey Supreme Court. Or even the last three Republican presidential debates, where not one of the candidates brought up the “gay” issue. And just think: It’s been just over a year since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was signed into history.
This has led me to thinking about what is the benchmark of victory. Actually, that’s a question that has bothered me for many years, and it took a fast-food hamburger and fries to give me the answer.
On the road and not wanting to get off track, many of us just stop to grab a bite to eat at the most convenient place possible, often a diner or fast-food outlet.
Last week, while I was sitting in one of those places having a quiet lunch and watching CNN, a story came on about the grandson of mega-right-wing evangelist Oral Roberts. The story outlined how difficult it was for him to come out and how his grandfather really didn’t talk about it with him, but at the end of the interview he was proud to announce that he was soon to marry his partner.
At that moment, from out of nowhere, a maintenance man came over to me and said, “He doesn’t know how to read. The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Now I didn’t know this guy, and I don’t think he knew me. I hadn’t even glanced at him before he spoke to me.
Well, imagine my reaction. It was immediate. I stood up in the middle of the restaurant and demanded to see the manager. While waiting for the manager, I lectured the man on his homophobia and that I, as a customer, would not tolerate that. This was all done very loudly so that each and every person in that restaurant would hear it. Why?
Because it was at that moment I knew what victory was. That man just assumed that I agreed with his position and it was safe to mention his view to a personal stranger. How often do we hear someone say something homophobic and there is no challenge?
Victory in LGBT rights will come when people feel the need to censure their homophobia, knowing that it is not a popular position. There may always be homophobes, just like there are racists and people who are anti-Semitic or anti-Muslim. The difference is that speaking publicly about your disdain for gay people or joking about the LGBT community is still acceptable.
Well, it wasn’t in that restaurant. The manager came over and apologized and I requested that the incident be put on his personnel file. I know that man will never do that again, and I also know that each and every person in that restaurant learned that day that there were consequences from hate speech. It is my belief that none of them would ever make that mistake again.
While we can legislate almost all forms of equality, real equality will not happen until we engage with our friends, relatives and others. Our best tool to promote equality is not what I did, but rather if each and every LGBT person talks with their friends, relatives and coworkers. When we do that, we become flesh and blood rather than the story of Sodom and Gomorra they have been taught.
Mark Segal, PGN publisher, is the nation’s most-award-winning commentator in LGBT media. He can be reached at [email protected] .