The tagline for the Hanover Area Historic Society Newsletter reads “Pride in the Past — Faith in the Future.”
It has nothing to do with being gay, but it kind of sums up how I’m feeling after speaking with this week’s profile, a dynamic young man determined to make a difference in the world. In explaining why Dashiell Sears was the recipient of a scholarship award, HAHS stated, “Sears was very active in student council, chairing and organizing annual blood drives, homecoming and Halloween parties. He was a writer for the student newspaper, The Chariot, and this past year he was a member of the first BrainBusters Quiz Bowl team from Hanover.” Now a Temple student, Sears has gone from Brain Busters to becoming this year’s Mr. Gay Philadelphia, wowing the judges in the talent portion of the competition with his gymnastic skills.
Sears, a sophomore political science major and member of Temple’s men’s gymnastics team, will represent Philadelphia in the Mr. Gay USA pageant in November.
PGN: You’re just a small-town boy … DS: Yes, I was born in Waynesboro, just north of the Mason-Dixon Line and grew up in Hanover. I came to Philadelphia to go to Temple but it wasn’t my first choice. I was on the waiting list for William and Mary but decided I wasn’t a waiting-list kind of guy. Turns out choosing Philadelphia was the best decision I could have made. As a political-science major and a gay person, Philadelphia was perfect. I didn’t grow up in or near a gay community, so coming here was eye-opening. My first night, the first time I went out … everything. It was amazing. I wouldn’t have had the same experience in Williamsburg [Va.]!
PGN: How did you first know you were gay? DS: I think I knew at about 12. I knew I had a secret, but couldn’t quite put a finger on it or why it should be kept secret. Once I identified what it was, I said, “Nope, nope, I’m just going to ignore it.” I was afraid of what would happen if I told anyone. I assumed it would be only bad things.
PGN: You’re Mr. Gay Philadelphia, so I guess you told someone! DS: [Laughs.] Yeah, when I got here, I met two teammates who were openly gay and had been for a while and I thought, “Wow, they’re just so happy and joyful and nobody seems to care that they’re gay.” Seeing that, I realized there was no need to stay in the closet. We had a competition in Annapolis on my 20th birthday, so after it was over, we all went out to celebrate, my parents, my teammates, everyone. With everyone gathered at the table, I made the big announcement that I was gay!
PGN: What was the reaction? DS: Everyone was great. My parents were really supportive. My mom had a gay best friend in high school. They did theater together — she was Peter Pan to his Captain Hook. When he went to college in D.C., she’d go visit him all the time. He died of AIDS and she always missed having a gay best friend. Now she has one in her son and she loves it!
PGN: I read you have siblings with special challenges and that was one reason you didn’t come out earlier. DS: Yes, my older brother was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when he was a child, my younger brother has Down syndrome and he’s autistic and my sister is bi-polar and has an auditory disorder, where she can’t hear and process things that are recorded mechanically. Like, dolls that talk or video games. She has trouble understanding people on the phone too. They already got teased enough going to school; the last thing I wanted them to have to deal with was people saying, “Your brother’s a faggot!” Especially my older brother who is autistic. People thought it was so funny to try to get him riled up. When he got mad or upset, he might do things like hitting himself or do repetitive motions or say things that would make them laugh or get him in trouble. I didn’t want to cause any more stress for them.
PGN: Other than sports, what was a favorite class? DS: I liked history and economics. I actually didn’t like P.E. at all. Gymnastics was my physical ed, and I liked it because it was solitary. I trained three-and-a-half hours a day in the gym to go to the Junior Olympics and didn’t want to risk getting hurt in gym class because some Neanderthal wanted to show how hard he could tackle. For me, I didn’t need to ram somebody into a wall or hit them in the face with a ball to be an athlete. I never felt the need for that kind of physical roughness toward another person. You don’t need to push someone out of the way to get on a high bar. It’s a very controlled personal sport.
PGN: What was a favorite gymnastics experience? DS: When I was 12, I went to my first Junior Olympics in Houston. My mom came with me and after the competition we went to the beach with some teammates and then came back to the hotel. Lo and behold, the hotel was hosting “Houston Splash,” which was a huge black and Latino gay Pride event! I was just starting to realize that I was gay so I was a little freaked out and enthralled at the same time. My mom was hanging out with everyone and they were buying her drinks and she kept introducing me to everyone — it was funny.
PGN: Most embarrassing moment? DS: My last nationals. I knew the coach from Temple was going to be there and I had to do high bar, which is not my best skill. My specialty is the rings. I got on the high bar and just kept falling off, my shoulders tightened up and then I had to go to pommel horse and fell off of that. It was terrible. I don’t do pommel anymore!
PGN: You’re a lifeguard … so Speedos or board shorts? DS: Board shorts! I work at a kid’s camp. Now as Mr. Gay Philadelphia, that’s another story …
PGN: You were featured in Instinct magazine. DS: Yes, It wasn’t about the title though. Gary Kramer wrote a web exclusive about the out members of the Temple gymnastics team — Evan Burke, John Gaffney and me.
PGN: Do you feel like a role model now? DS: Oh boy, to say that you’re a role model implies that you’ve done something. It’s also not a title you can give yourself. For me, Brian Sims is an amazing role model. He was openly gay and the captain of his college football team. But to some people, he might not be. It’s very subjective.
PGN: Why do you feel it’s important to be out? DS: In a team dynamic you have to be who you are. Gymnastics is about 90-percent mental and if you’re not happy with yourself, you’re not going to perform at your best. The team doesn’t care about anything as long as it doesn’t affect your gymnastics. We’ve had gay alumni who have gone on to Cirque du Soleil and made a living at the sport. People respect what you do, not who you sleep with.
PGN: What do you say to people who say, “You’re a gymnast, why do you need to speak about your sexuality?” DS: Because that’s who I am. In our sport, if there’s something outside of gymnastics blocking you, not associated with the sport, the gym or your teammates, it will show up in your performance. Your teammates will be like, “OK, what’s going on, is there something you need to tell us?” It could be I failed a test or my girlfriend left me, whatever; the team needs your complete focus. Being closeted takes a lot of energy. It’s 24 hours a day; it’s fear seven days a week. It’s never a good day. But when you realize how much happier you are being open, it makes a world of difference on and off the rings or the floor. You see life in a different way and you want to throw 100 percent into it. And as a result the team is happy for you. It’s a morale thing.
PGN: It’s bringing the whole package of who you are. DS: Yes, being gay is not an aside. It’s who I am and being gay, especially if you are immersed in the lifestyle, is profoundly special and different. It’s community, it’s fashion for some people, it’s a lot of things, and being open brings a certain level of expectation of what you need and what you want and don’t want!
PGN: You have cool names in your family; any story behind that? DS: My mother was into literature and loved books like “The Maltese Falcon” and “The Thin Man” so she named me after Dashiell Hammett. My brother is Xavier Kipling, named after Rudyard.
PGN: What’s your middle name? DS: Quinton.
PGN: Your mother sounds interesting. DS: She works as a pharmacy technician but before that she was a history teacher. That’s where I get my love of the subject; she used to quiz me all the time. She’s very smart and the kind of person who loves to learn things. She wanted to know why we’re having such monetary problems in the country, so she read everything she could find about the Federal Reserve and how it works. How many people do that? She also has an amazing singing voice. She could have been on “American Idol.” My father works for Complete Aquatics and he builds ponds.
PGN: Did you have a pond? DS: Yes, in every home we’ve had. It’s beautiful and good for the environment. It brings in birds and wildlife that you may not normally see and helps with water runoff. He does it all with real elements, real rocks, etc.
PGN: What’s the best thing that happened to you this summer? DS: I spent three months in the middle of nowhere! I was a lifeguard at a sports camp in Woodward, and it allowed me to get a lot of training done, meet new people and save money.
PGN: Worst injury? DS: At camp, I was training for a skill where I had to do a double backflip over the bar. I didn’t have the right timing and let go early. My face hit the bar and it wasn’t pretty. There was blood everywhere. The first thing I did was to make sure all my teeth were still in place and then try to stop the bleeding. Not a lot of fun, but they have good trainers and staff there, so I was fine. Just a small concussion!
PGN: If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? DS: I’m short and I turn blue when I get cold. I am a Smurf!
PGN: What did you like best about your hometown? DS: The fact that I was able to get out! Other than family and gymnastics, there wasn’t much. If you weren’t rich enough to be a part of the country-club set, it was bleak. There wasn’t anything gay about it: My favorite thing was going to the movies or going home.
PGN: Not Snyder’s of Hanover pretzels? DS: Oh, God. My father did pond work for them and they were part of that country-club set. Nice, but in that “better than thou” kind of smug way. They reminded me of old Southern plantation owners. Friendly, but kind of, “Thanks for building our pond, but please don’t bring your dirty pond clothes anywhere near us.”
PGN: What celebrity would you want to date? DS: I don’t know. I’m not really into having a relationship right now. I’m 20 and I’m young and stupid and willing to acknowledge that. Right now, I’m going to be the stupidest I’ll ever be when it comes to relationships. And I’ve learned that if I’m really stupid at something, I should probably stay away from it. On top of that, I have gymnastics, school and work to think about. If I could snap my fingers and date Hugh Jackman, why not, or if I wanted to make my mom happy, I’d date Lawrence O’Donnell from MSNBC. She’d like to date him, so having him as a son-in-law would be the next best thing.
PGN: What was in your high-school locker? DS: Books, no posters, a picture of my little brother and one of my best friend, Kayla, who killed herself in our senior year. She came out as bisexual and was dating a girl from our school.
PGN: Did she get a lot of flack for being gay? DS: Some, but she got more grief for the way she dressed and carried herself. She was from Baltimore and going from that environment to a little town like Hanover was difficult. She hated it.
PGN: What are some thoughts for the future? DS: I want to help people as much as I can, especially doing something to work with children and disabilities. I want to work with people who are economically deprived and have family members who have mental challenges. I want to work with gay families with disabled kids. I’d love to work with the Special Olympics. If helping people makes me a role model, so be it if it inspires people to do the same. Or even better, if it inspired someone to go beyond what I could do.
To suggest a community member for “Family Portrait,” write to [email protected] .