In Philadelphia, the LGBT community isn’t always known for its harmony. There are deep rifts that date back to decades-old affronts, real and perceived.
As the community has matured, it hasn’t lost its penchant for holding grudges and cutting off relations. Certainly, this isn’t unique to the Philadelphia’s LGBT community — neither the minority status nor the location. Plenty of other cities and communities share the tendency to avoid or circumvent direct, productive communication.
Too often, individuals and organizations are careless with their words or actions, and others take it to heart. Too frequently, the good of the community ends up taking a back seat to an individual’s ego, shortsightedness or personal goals. Too often, individuals sell short the community by putting themselves first. Individuals and groups fail to speak to each other, and fail to listen to each other. Too often, people see things in black and white, with no shades of gray, and claim the ends justify the means.
Productive communication is grounded in willingness to empathize with someone else, to want to understand his/her point of view. That is not to agree with it per se, but to truly understand it, to see the world through his/her eyes.
To do this, one must strike a balance between one’s personal goals and the greater good. Sometimes, they overlap. Sometimes, they conflict. If one really is community-minded, it is necessary to be flexible, willing to receive feedback and hear what another is saying, both spoken and unspoken.
This is not to say that individuals or groups should take affronts uncomplaining, adopting a turn-the-other-cheek mentality. Certainly, LGBTs haven’t obtained what rights they have by suffering in silence.
And it’s not to say that there aren’t fundamental disagreements within the community at large and personally, as well as with mainstream America or political and religious groups.
But carping at each other and complaining isn’t productive either.
Instead, we need to make an effort for productive, respectful dialogue, internally and externally. Name-calling isn’t going to resolve problems. Refusing to communicate isn’t going to build bridges. Insulating ourselves isn’t going to win over hearts and minds.
The LGBT community still has work to do to achieve equality — and we need all the allies we can get. To that end, individuals and groups must find a way to work together. If the community is constantly at each other’s throats, and unable to collaborate, mainstream America won’t take our concerns seriously. If we can’t listen to each other, how can we expect anyone to listen to us?