My name is Dashiell Sears and I was recently crowned (or rather, “sashed”) Mr. Gay Philadelphia 2011. I am both honored and eager to fulfill my obligations. I would like to thank and congratulate all the contestants who competed and the honorable judges who graced the event with their presence and bestowed the title upon me.
As someone whose siblings have autism, manic depression and Down syndrome, I have witnessed the cruel and hateful things said to belittle a person simply because he or she is different, and have spent too many nights worrying about my siblings’ personal safety at school.
My siblings, though, were very lucky to have a family that loved and understood them. Being autistic is a lifelong trait that can be recognized at an early age and, with the help of modern medicine, some of the more eccentric effects can be curbed and the sufferer’s focus improved. Even though there is more help now, it did not stop kids from absolutely torturing my older siblings — partly the reason I did not come out in high school.
I bring this up because I want to reach out to the gay youth of Philadelphia. Like autism, homosexuality isn’t something that can be recognized when a person walks down a street. Even so, it is nothing to be ashamed of — and certainly isn’t something to hide if you don’t want to. You can celebrate your sexuality however you want, through your own personal style, and become the most fabulous king or queen your heart desires and no one can stop you.
One of my regrets in life is that I didn’t come out sooner. I always wonder if, had I come out in high school, that would have brought more of a sense of community and belonging to my best friend before she took her own life. She experienced bullying that turned into much more than I could help her with, and she felt trapped. But you are never, ever trapped.
Whatever pain you feel will be multiplied a thousandfold for your family and friends if you take your own life. Don’t do it. There are places to go, people to talk to if you ever need a friend. But it’s up to you to reach out and use the resources available. You can talk to anyone — parents, siblings, teachers, guidance counselors, youth pastors, coaches — or you can pick up a phone and dial The Trevor Project, a sponsor of the It Gets Better Project, at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. You are never alone: Thousands of others have been in the same dark hole you feel you are in, and they know the way out.
You are who you are and you can love whoever your heart desires, and it’s nobody’s fault if you are gay, lesbian or bisexual — especially not your own. We all love you and cannot wait for you to break out and join the community. I know because I was just like you, but now I’m having the time of my life!
Remember, violence against others and violence against yourself is never the answer.
— Dashiell Sears
Mr. Gay Philadelphia 2011