“S. J. Between Shore & Phila.”
The title caught Jim Conover’s eye immediately as he perused the personal ads in PGN in the fall of 1990. The then-25-year-old resident of Mays Landing had never responded to a personal ad before, but was intrigued by the prospect of someone who, like himself, had the New Jersey-Philadelphia connection.
So, on Dec. 7 of that year, he sat before a typewriter and composed a two-page letter to GN Code 8033. And at the end of last year, Conover and 8033 celebrated their 20th anniversary.
The man behind the ad was Craig Gardner, then 28, who happened to live just a mile from Conover in the same town.
In 1990, at a time without Internet dating and with cell phones just making their appearance, there was only one gay bar in Mays Landing and one in Atlantic City. Gardner said the social prospects for gay men were very slim, so he turned to PGN’s personals, which at the time typically spanned more than a dozen pages.
After placing his ad in the Nov. 30 issue of PGN — the first and last time he ever did so — Gardner received a manila envelope from PGN for several weeks with the letters and photos of people interested, some of whom he said he eventually met in person but wasn’t compatible with and others who were just a bit too “bizarre.”
Eventually, Conover’s letter reached Gardner. In it, Conover described what he looked like, his education (“a graduate of Villanova, yes, I still have the halo over my head to prove it”), some of his tastes (Guess jeans, Polo sweatshirts, Halston cologne) and his likes (Stephen King, Dean Koontz, “L.A. Law” and “Murphy Brown”).
“I suppose that if I had to ‘analyze’ myself, I would say that basically I am a no-bullshit, straight-forward kinda guy. Doesn’t that sound like it came from a TV script?” he wrote.
Gardner said he was immediately interested and wrote back, and Conover responded with his address and not a phone number — although he said he realizes now it would have been easier to change a phone number than an address if his blind date wasn’t what he’d hoped.
Gardner followed up with his phone number and, although they said they normally would have met at a public place, the proximity of their houses led them to first meet at Conover’s townhouse Dec. 23.
As soon as he got to the house, Gardner was impressed.
“It was Christmastime, and the front part of the townhouse just looked like the window display at Macy’s,” he said. “There were these big hand-blown glass Christmas balls in the window, and when I went in there was this beautiful furniture and the Christmas tree and decorations in the formal living room, and I thought, Wow, he has really good taste. But then he goes, ‘Oh, this is my roommate’s stuff,’ and we go back to the family room and there’s his surf board against the wall, a poster and this worn-out sofa, and I was like, Oh, bummer.”
Gardner was first taken by Conover’s height, and Convoer said he was struck by how tight Gardner’s jeans were.
Despite that initial reaction, the couple hit it off on that first night.
“We kissed on the first date, slept together on the second date, and moved in together on the third,” Gardner joked. “I guess he liked my jeans.”
Before the move-in, Gardner spent two weeks in Russia, during which time he couldn’t contact Conover.
“I came home and was going through my messages on my answering machine, and there were some from Jim and he was like, ‘I know you’re not home, but I just wanted to say hi.’ Another said, ‘It’s snowing today and I was thinking of you.’ And I was so excited to see him, so he came over and then he just never left,” Gardner said.
The pair spent all of their free time together and, when Conover told Gardner he had a question for him, Gardner said “yes” before the question was even asked, knowing that Conover was going to propose he move in with him.
The pair lived at Gardner’s home for about a year before moving to Egg Harbor Township, where they’ve stayed for the past two decades.
“Our families get along so well,” Gardner said. “Our moms just love and adore each other, they’re like girlfriends. We have dogs who are like our children, and we’re surrounded by great friends. Of course, we don’t have a perfect relationship — we’ve had our ups and downs that I think make it real. But when we have had problems, we’ve been committed to working things out and we have.
“We’re best friends,” he added. “We love humor, and that’s helped us get through the difficult times. Kind words and the compliments also help; that’s why we’ve always done so well. And more important than the words ‘I love you’ is doing things to demonstrate that love. Like Jim wrote me a note on a Post-It when we first got together and, 20 years later, I still carry it in my wallet. Or I’ll come home and he’ll have folded my laundry, just little things like that, and that’s how we show each other we love each other every day.”
Conover said he didn’t expect to find love through the personals, but rather make connections that were difficult to find at the time.
“I don’t think I was thinking at the time that I was going to find somebody who’s my soul mate; it was just more of a venue to attract a different caliber of people than you’d meet at a bar,” he said.
Once they met in person, however, Gardner said he knew Conover was the one. Before he saw him, Gardner had reoccurring dreams with Conover’s face in them, surrounded by ivy-covered buildings, which he said looked very much like the buildings at Villanova University, which Conover attended.
“I’ve met the man of my dreams, literally,” he said.
The fewer-than-50 words that initially sparked Conover’s interest ultimately led him to someone with whom he now shares his life. The letter he wrote back to Gardner now resides in their bedside night table, and Gardner said he reads it every anniversary.
When asked if they envision being together in 20 more years, Gardner said yes, while Conover replied, “Oh, I’m not going anywhere!”
Jen Colletta can be reached at [email protected].
