Creep of the Week: Tim Hicks

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Attention all incestuous Iowans. Your dream is coming true. Soon you’ll be able to marry the object of your incestuous affections. Since that’s how incest works: just two people in love, oppressed by blood. It’s like “Flowers in the Attic” on Broadway, only Broadway is real life.

This is all thanks to the Iowa Supreme Court. No, they haven’t legalized incest. But they will. After all, they made it legal for homos to marry each other, so incest is next on the agenda. At least that’s what Tim Hicks promises. And he would know, since he is apparently insane.

Hicks is a member of Cornerstone World Outreach in Sioux City, a church facing IRS scrutiny for its rabid campaign to boot three members of the Iowa Supreme Court who are up for reelection. Apparently it’s a violation of federal tax law to mount a political campaign from the pulpit. But hey, it’s not God’s law so they apparently don’t have to follow it.

When he’s not blowing his sax for the Cornerstone Praise Team, Hicks apparently likes to make videos under the moniker Creative Media Solutions. One of his latest, which is up on YouTube, features “Mike and Sharron” spoofing an eHarmony ad.

“We were made to be together,” Mike says, his arm around Sharron. “But there was a time when society would not allow us to be married.”

He continues, “You have to be friends before you’re lovers.”

Sharron chimes in, “That’s definitely true of us.”

“And we were definitely friends before we were lovers,” he says.

“But more importantly than that,” says Sharron, “before we were friends we were brother and sister.”

“If it wasn’t for the Iowa Supreme Court, we wouldn’t be married today,” Mike says.

And then, in unison: “Thanks, Iowa Supreme Court!” followed by a clip of the pair kissing. On the lips. Eww!

Look, as far as parody videos go, it’s actually pretty good. The production level is pretty high, the actors know how to say their lines (though they could have used a bigger make-up budget. I mean, come on. It’s hot under those lights. A little powder would’ve gone a long way, that’s all I’m saying), and it’s a clever premise.

As far as arguments go, well, that’s another story. The whole “slippery slope” argument is a crowd favorite among antigay folks wanting to keep homos from marrying each other. And while it may be fun to imagine the havoc that might wreak on society, it just doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.

To quote Andrew Sullivan, “If you want to argue that a lifetime of loving, faithful commitment between two women is equivalent to incest or child abuse, then please argue it. It would make for fascinating reading. But spare us this bizarre point that no new line can be drawn in access to marriage — or else everything is up for grabs and, before we know where we are, men will be marrying their dogs.”

Of course to Hicks, incest and homosexuality are pretty much the same thing in that they’re horrible and disgusting and against God or whatever. But in the reality-based world where rational people live, they are not the same thing at all.

But in order to see that, you can’t just dismiss gays and lesbians as a bunch of sex-crazed lunatics hell-bent on destroying marriage. You have to be able to see gays and lesbians as actual human beings capable of love and same-sex couples deserving of the protections that come with a legally recognized marriage.

My guess is that Hicks isn’t capable of this. The Iowa Supreme Court is, however, and that’s screwing up the “homos are the worst” narrative. Sadly for Hicks and Co., that’s the only story they know.

D’Anne Witkowski is a Detroit-based freelance writer and poet (believe it!).