I don’t like bullies.
Like almost every LGBT adult under the sun, I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. It made growing up a nightmare, but I was lucky enough to reach a point when I could look back on those days and say that the bullying made me stronger and helped make me the man I am today.
I don’t know if it that’s really true or if that’s just something I tell myself to help bury the painful memories. I’m just happy I survived it and got the chance to look back.
As recent events have made us so painfully aware, many LGBT kids don’t get the chance to look back because the torment and torture they suffer at the hands of their peers drives them to end their lives.
This has been going on for far too long and I think it’s time we re-examined what we’re doing about it.
Hate-crime legislation is nice and it’s helpful to have something on the books that you can fall back on, but is it really going to change a bully’s behavior? Being convicted of a crime isn’t always a deterrent in our society. America loves outlaws and bad boys — just look at all the entertainers and politicians who turn a criminal conviction into a big career boost.
Candlelight vigils serve a beautiful purpose by allowing people to feel strength in numbers, but they’re not going to change a bully’s behavior either. Bullies will just laugh at them, because face it: They’re just going to think the vigils are kinda gay.
I think Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project on YouTube is fantastic. It’s an excellent way to speak up and offer hope to kids currently being bullied, but I don’t think that’s going to change a bully’s behavior either. What bully is going to sit down and watch any of those videos, let alone understand them and take them to heart?
I think it’s a waste of time to appeal to the parents of a bully to raise their child differently. In my experience, not only do bullies tend to be raised by bullies, but in some of the absolute worst examples of these tragedies, some of the bullies are the parents of the victims themselves.
So what can we do?
First, I think the families of these kids should consider following the example of Nicole Brown’s family in the O.J. Simpson case. Regardless of the outcome of any criminal proceedings, these families should file civil suits for the wrongful deaths of their children. If the bullies are minors or college students, go after their parents. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that these families are going through, and I wouldn’t wish a protracted lawsuit and the accompanying publicity on anyone. But I think if families are hit in the wallet and made to pay serious damages for the bullying behavior of their children, we might actually start to see some societal change.
More importantly, I think we have to remember it’s our job to stand up for ourselves and for each other. No one is going to do it for us. We have to stop asking for better treatment and go back to demanding it like we did in the early days of the gay civil-rights movement.
On Sunday, I went to OutFest with a bunch of my leather and bear friends, whose camaraderie is the most reliable source of strength and confidence in my life today. Once again, religious protesters were spewing hateful rhetoric from loudspeakers about half a block from the main stage, and another group was outside the Westbury wearing neon pink and yellow shirts with “God Hates Fags” and “God Hates Whores” scribbled on them. Like always, the protesters were surrounded by police and City Hall representatives who always seem, to me, to be there to keep us in line, not the protesters.
I’m all for the protesters’ First Amendment right to free speech and assembly, but I don’t understand why they’re allowed to do this in the middle of a rally our community has organized on a street our community has paid to have blocked off for the day, when their speech is hateful, confrontational and in no way constructive.
Would the city allow the KKK to set up a podium on South Street during Greek Week, or let them stand on a corner wearing “God Hates N—-” T-shirts? Then why does it allow people to do that to us? And more importantly, why do we stand for it?
I guess I’m used to these protesters because I’ve seen them at every pride march and rally I’ve ever been to over the past 25 years. They used to make my blood boil, then I learned to make fun of them and, finally, I learned how to ignore them. I am not advocating direct action against the religious protesters in any way, shape or form. I just don’t understand why the powers that be can’t move these protesters to Chestnut Street or Broad.
I think it’s time we all put our foot down and demand that City Hall do its part to keep our pride events free from the hate speech that is literally killing children. No one is going to do it for us.
PHILADELPHIA LEATHER PRIDE NIGHT
On a more cheerful note, the second annual Philadelphia Leather Pride Night will be held from 7 p.m.-midnight Nov. 6 at Voyeur, 1221 St. James St. It will feature a live auction with the incomparable Jo Arnone, with raffles, prizes, a Chinese auction and drink specials. Entertainment will be provided by Philly’s own Peek-A-Boo Revue. Tickets are $15 in advance or $20 at the door. Visit www.plpn.org to buy tickets online or for more information.
Other weekend events will be held Nov. 6-7 at the host hotel, the Sheraton at Philadelphia International Airport. Events include the Carter Johnson Leather Library exhibition, a 2,000-square-foot vendor mart, leather history classes and the Leather Archives and Museum’s Traveling Road Show.
LOCAL CLUBS & EVENTS
— Keystone boys of Leather meet at 7:30 p.m. every third Thursday at The Bike Stop. Superhero/Super Villain party from 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Oct. 23 at The Bike Stop, 206 S. Quince St.; www.keystoneboysofleather.org.
— Liberty Bears hold meetings (7-8 p.m.) and socials (8 p.m.-midnight) first Saturdays at The Bike Stop. Bears on Liberty Weekend, Oct. 15-17; www.libertybears.net or www.bearsonlibertyweekend.com.
— Philadelphians MC hold meetings at 7:30 p.m. every first Monday at The Bike Stop. Halloween Bar Crawl from 8 p.m.-midnight Oct. 30. Also coming up is Tri-Cen XX, Dec. 31-Jan. 2; www.philadelphiansmc.org or www.tricen20.com.
— Laid is held 11 p.m. Oct. 16 at Sansom Street Gym, 2020 Sansom St.; www.laidsaturdays.com.
— WOOF! Philly is held at 5 p.m. Sundays at 1416 Chancellor St.; www.woofphilly.com.
— Diabolique XIV, the annual fetish masquerade ball fundraiser, will be held from 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Nov. 20 at Shampoo Nightclub. This year’s theme is “Naughty Nurses, Devious Doctors, Madhouse Mischief and Questionable Therapies.”
Questions? Comments? Contact Jim at [email protected].