Creep of the Week: Bryan Fischer

You know, it’s really a shame that so many gays and lesbians spend so much time in closets when really it’s the bedroom they aren’t supposed to come out of.

Granted, that’s still not a lot of space, but compared to a closet, it’s practically palatial. I mean, if you’re going to have to spend your entire life in hiding, it’d be nice to have enough room to lie down. And if it were up to the Traditional Values Coalition’s Bryan Fischer, you’d stay down.

See, Fischer thinks that gays wouldn’t have so many problems if they’d just stay in their rooms and keep quiet.

“You know, [homosexuals] always say, ‘Why do conservatives want to invade people’s bedrooms?’ The answer is we don’t,” Fischer said on his program Focal Point, which airs on American Family Radio. “You can do whatever you want in your bedroom, nobody is going to barge in, nobody is going to break down your door and arrest you in your bedroom.”

Dude, ever heard of Lawrence v. Texas? You know, the case where cops barged in and arrested two men for having sex in their bedroom? Sure, the case overturned so-called “sodomy” laws, but there are currently folks at work in places like Texas and Montana who are trying hard to bring back laws that criminalize homosexual sex.

Of course, homos only bring it on themselves.

“You’re sticking it in our faces, you’re telling us we have to accept this, we have to normalize this, we have to sanction this, we have to promote it, we have to endorse it. If you would take your sexual behavior back in the bedroom, nobody would be bothering you,” he said.

That’s right, homos, go to your rooms! Like third-graders.

Not that gays should be allowed to have children, though. “We should not have same-sex couples adopting children,” Fischer said. “You’re deliberately placing kids in a home with a missing parent. This is a terrible thing to do to a child.”

He also thinks that single-parent households are “a mistake” and “a tragedy” that inflict harm on children.

Yes, much better to let kids remain wards of the state. All you have to do is watch “Annie” to see that orphans actually have a lot of fun when they’re not mopping floors or saving stray dogs from asshole kids who probably come from one-man-one-woman families.

Not only does Fischer say gays shouldn’t have kids, he also says that because many gays don’t have kids, all they do is sit around and scheme about how to take over the whole world.

“[T]hey do not have children to feed in the morning, they do not have children to take to school, they do not have children to take to soccer and Little League practice,” Fischer said. “They’ve just got time on their hands and that’s where they put it; they put it into pressing their political agenda.”

That’s right. Gays are a bunch of conniving schemers plotting to snatch up foster kids to build their homo-sex army that will eventually take over and make the whole world one giant bedroom, with liberty and gay sex for all.

In Fischer’s dreams, at least.

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world, she reviews rock ’n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.