Family Research Council

Ah, yes. The fabled “Gay Agenda.” Having invested so much in the fight against it, anti-gay groups will leap at anything that they can hold up as proof that a sinister gay agenda exists.

So when the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance of Washington, D.C., released “Agenda: 2010,” the Family Research Council pounced, claws out.

GLAA calls “Agenda: 2010” an “election-year briefing paper on local LGBT issues.” FRC calls it a veritable blueprint for a hostile LGBT takeover.

In a June 16 Washington Update post, FRC posits: “What’s left for homosexual activists to do after they’ve trampled voters on their way to the altar? In Washington, D.C., where same-sex ‘marriage’ is legal (for now), the gay and lesbian crowd is just getting warmed up.”

“Apparently, their updated political agenda spans everything from classroom infiltration to legalizing prostitution,” FRC’s message continues.

I have to ask — what does “classroom infiltration” even mean? Sending in undercover homos to high schools like a gay “21 Jump Street”? And I have a follow-up: Will there be a reality show?

So just what is the “everything” this new agenda covers?

“Local groups will try to elect more homosexuals to places of power, push in-school gay-straight alliances, support D.C. sex-oriented businesses, defend adult entertainment, grant special perks to cross-dressing prisoners, force same-sex adoption and legalize sex trafficking,” claims FRC.

Woah. Sounds ambitious. But let’s address some of these claims.

First of all, what FRC calls “cross-dressing prisoners” are often actually transgender people, some who have broken the law, others who have been victims of crimes. The “special perks” include not throwing them into jail cells based solely on what’s between their legs. GLAA also doesn’t want to see them “denied appropriate health care, sexually assaulted, abusively strip-searched, [or] placed in protective custody that amounts to punishing the victim,” which are some of the current “perks” of being transgender.

As for legalizing “sex trafficking,” that’s not quite it. GLAA does advocate legalizing prostitution. While a controversial position, they’re hardly calling for a sex-for-money free-for-all. GLAA raises a lot of important issues, including “survival sex,” where people — frequently gay runaways and transgender people — turn to prostitution out of desperation, when it’s the only option they have left. Throwing them in jail doesn’t address the core problems.

“If [policymakers] want to provide safer, healthier and more sustainable alternatives to survival sex, you can support the creation of drop-in centers, transitional housing, job training, counseling, addiction recovery programs and other services for at-risk populations,” GLAA’s agenda reads.

Oooh, counseling and transitional housing. Really racy stuff.

“Lots of people in this country mistakenly believe that this community will be satisfied when it redefines marriage,” FRC claims. “That’s not the case. Homosexuals and transgenders [sic] won’t be happy until they sever every moral underpinning in America.”

That’s right. Because LGBT people have no morals and fantasize every night about living in some kind of lawless neo-sexual apocalyptic hellscape. You hear that, FRC? It’s right here, in writing. It must be true. And it must be true for all LGBT people without exception. Feel free to use it in your next fundraising letter. Tell your members we said, “Boo!”

D’Anne Witkowski is a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world, she reviews rock ’n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.