Creep of the Week: Oliver North

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If we let gays into the military, the terrorists have won.

Or so thinks Oliver “Iran-Contra Affair” North, who wrote last week that by repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” President Obama was putting the “nation’s security at risk [in order] to carry out a radical social experiment.”

Regarding the Pentagon’s pledge to “selectively enforce” DADT, North wrote, “So much for our national security.”

Indeed. If we’re not kicking gay servicemembers out left and right, then we might as well start waving a giant flag made of hot pants from the annual Palm Springs White Party.

North’s concept of gays in the military seems, well, a little paranoid: “If Congress changes the law and allows overtly practicing homosexuals in the ranks, should NAMBLA members be allowed to serve? Will those who advocate abolishing ‘age of consent’ laws be allowed to don uniforms? Will the military have to acknowledge same-sex marriages? If so, will military chaplains be required to perform such rituals? Will same-sex couples be entitled to military housing? Will these couples be allowed to serve in the same unit or aboard the same ship?”

Woah there, North. Take your heart meds and your Viagra. Everything’ll be OK once DADT is repealed and all of America’s troops are rightfully gay-married to NAMBLA members by military chaplains at sea. Totally rational, normal train of thought. Thanks so much for sharing.

North also appeared last week on “Hannity’s America” on Fox News, where he called the repeal of DADT a “stunning assault on the all-volunteer military” and again predicted the wild influx of NAMBLA members as a result.

As Igor Volsky wrote for Think Progress, “The irony of a convicted felon who lied about diverting proceeds from arms sales to a rebel group in Nicaragua supporting a policy that forces gay and lesbian servicemen to lie about their sexual orientation was lost on both Hannity and North.”

It’s really no surprise when you consider North’s thoughts about this very issue. Responding to the Joint Chiefs chairman’s statement during the Congressional hearing that “we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens,” North wrote, “how that can be the case in a ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ era seems to have eluded the good senators.”

North is either stunningly ignorant about how DADT works or he’s playing to an audience that is itself stunningly ignorant. Either way, the fact remains that DADT has resulted in an alarming number of discharges during what North calls “an unprecedented ninth year of war and nonstop high-stress deployments.” You know, like the Arabic translators kicked out a few years ago just because they were gay?

Also lost on North is the fact that gays are human beings, not walking, talking sex acts. North dismissed Obama’s State of the Union pledge “to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are” as “disingenuous rhetoric.”

“It’s not about ‘who they are,’ it’s really about ‘what they do,’” North wrote.

So when North wrote that “those presently wearing America’s uniforms are the brightest, best-educated, best-trained and most combat-experienced military the world ever has seen,” he meant, you know, except the gay ones.

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world, she reviews rock ’n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.