We’ve grown to hate New Year’s Eve.
Really.
There is entirely too much pressure to have the kind of fun TMZ would report on if you were famous. What other time of the year do people feel the need to cram as much food, dancing, live entertainment and forced merriment into one evening? Plus, New Year’s Eve always seems to find people paying top dollar to see bands perform that we wouldn’t be caught dead watching for free any other time of the year.
That’s right. Somewhere in America, someone is paying $100 a head for dollar-store champagne, a no-name DJ and a headlining set from The Baja Men.
Some have had their New Year’s plans set for months. The rest of us are panicking because we want to choose the right event and the right clothes for the event, figure out who we want to hang out with, make arrangements to get our tired/intoxicated/sore-footed asses home (or to the hotel) and make sure there is Gatorade and Tylenol waiting for when the crippling white-hot daylight of Jan. 1, 2010, comes poking into our debauchery-encrusted eyes like a swarm of angry hornets.
We all end up going for it at the end of the day because it beats staying home. So here are our best bets for having the type of New Year’s you dream about.
Since New Year’s Day is on Friday, you can go ahead and make a weekend of it at Borgata Hotel, Casino and Spa, 1 Borgata Way, Atlantic City. Comedian and start of “30 Rock” Tracy Morgan might deliver laughs or a chaotic train wreck of a show at 10 p.m. Dec. 31. If you’d rather dance, you can slide over to one of the Borgata’s clubs. Mixx kicks things off at 10 p.m. with music provided by Ruckus, and Mur Mur does the same with music by Riz. The next day, you can shake off the ill effects of a night of partying with the smooth R&B sounds of John Legend, 8 p.m. Jan. 1 at the Event Center. You should be fully recovered by the time Mariah Carey hits the stage at 8 p.m. Jan. 2 at the Event Center. Carey’s diva status also warrants two after-parties: one with producer and hip-hop star Jermaine Dupri at 10 p.m. at Mixx and another hosted by comedian (and Carey’s husband) Nick Cannon at Mur Mur. Visit www.theborgata.com for more information.
Not to be outdone in Atlantic City, Club Worship at the House of Blues, 801 Boardwalk, rolls out the gay carpet with “Hands Up AC,” a gay New Year’s event starting at 10 p.m. featuring some of the hottest DJs, such as DJ Junior Vasquez, Razor & Guido, Michael DeCera and Ruben Vega. For more information, call (609) 236-2583.
Lesbian duo Sweet Namaste is one pair among many eclectic artists performing for First Night Haddonfield, an evening of festivities in venues along Kings Highway in New Jersey. Visit www.FirstNightHaddonfield.org for more information and the full schedule of events.
Out singer-songwriter Christine Havrilla opens for Davey Knowels and Back Boor Slam at 10 p.m. Dec. 31 at World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. For more information, call (215) 222-1400.
Barnstorm Theater, 402 Tome St., Ridley Park, hosts “The Rocky Horror New Year’s Celebration,” bringing back the cast of the live “Rocky Horror Show,” from 8-10 p.m. before dancing and partying until a champagne toast at midnight. Other than the toast, the show will be BYOB. For more information, call (610) 461-9969.
New Hope’s best festivities can be found at the Nevermore, 6426 Lower York Road, starting at 8 p.m. with DJ Jimmy Depere keeping the dance floor packed and Ghosha on the piano at Harlans Cabaret. For more information, call (215) 862-5225.
The Kimmel Center. 250 S. Broad St., rings in New Year’s for those who would rather wear a tux or a gown instead of a lampshade. Broadway and television star Audra McDonald (“Private Practice”) joins members of The Philadelphia Orchestra for the festivities at 7:30 p.m. Dec. 31 at Kimmel’s Verizon Hall, 240 S. Broad St.; (215) 790-5847.
On New Year’s Day, you can escape the crowds of the Mummers Parade for free at the Kimmel Center Commonwealth Plaza, which is hosting world music by Daria at 10:30 a.m. and family-friendly music by Steve Pullara and his Cool Beans Band at noon. For more information, call (215) 790-5800.
For something really unique, The Keswick Theatre, 291 N. Keswick Ave., Glenside, hosts a New Year’s Eve celebration with the original cast and creators of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” You can experience the non-stop riffing on some of the cheesiest movies ever made live on a jumbo screen for a triple bill of “War of the Insects,” “Samson and the Seven Miracles” and “Legacy of Blood!”
If you insist on staying home, you might as well tune in for the 38th-consecutive “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” with Ryan Seacrest and Fergie helping Clark with the festivities at 10 p.m. on ABC.
Drink responsibly. Have some condoms/dental dams handy. Have a designated driver. Destroy all incriminating photos.
See you in 2010.
Larry Nichols can be reached at [email protected].