Starting a family can be difficult for any couple, but especially for LGBT couples who face more challenges in their path. Although prevalent religious and cultural stigmas are gradually dissolving, some states have completely banned options such as adoptions as well as foster care for gay couples, making the road to parenthood more difficult.
However, as it becomes more and more prevalent, resources will become greater and people wiser. As more people become used to the idea of gay marriage and traditional ideas of relationships and families start to fade, the idea of gay families will also become more acceptable. And, as always, the more people see of us, the more accepting they will be of us as gay couples, individuals and families.
One of my gay friends recently wrote in a Facebook note about his strong desire to be a father, to which I promptly responded he should pursue.
“But I have no idea what method to use,” he replied to me. We discussed different options like surrogacy and adoption, but beyond the definitions of the words, we were both lacking knowledge about which route would be best and how to even start the process. And as we remembered the practical aspects like finances, emotional investment and legal issues, our lack of insight made the conversation both short and daunting.
Fortunately, I found a great site called The Rainbow Babies (www.therainbowbabies.com), written by doctors, lawyers, counselors and social workers, many of whom are LGBT parents themselves.
The site is divided into two primary sections, which we can generalize into “before” and “after,” with “before” sitting at the top of the site and the “after” section underneath.
The first section focuses on how to become a parent. Options such as insemination, surrogacy, adoption and pregnancy are discussed in depth, with another section on raising children. Other topics include known-versus-anonymous sperm donation, which one of a couple should be the biological mother and how to choose a surrogacy agency, most of which couples probably hadn’t thought about before deciding to become parents.
And, for those who have contemplated but not ultimately decided to raise a child, the section also features articles on whether adoption, surrogacy or pregnancy suits a particular person or if parenting is right for someone in general. It gives me no shame in saying some of us simply aren’t fit to be parents at this point in time or, well, ever. I am completely satisfied with spoiling my nieces and taking them to movies.
For aunts and uncles who need a kid-friendly movie idea or those parents in need of some good tips, check the “after” section. It has pages of movie and book reviews, personal stories from real families, spiritual and financial advice and helpful information like maps charting state-by-state discrimination laws, government reports, adoption forms and sperm-donor contracts.
No matter how complex or frustrating the process may be, parenting is a part of life that should be enjoyed and cherished by anyone serious enough to undertake the challenge. One article on the site discusses a study showing that LGBT families, despite discrimination, are as happy as mainstream families. As news like that spreads, we’ll see our community become (even more) full of strollers, school nights, chores and curfews. (And, hopefully, less screaming.)
Contact Jason with feedback at [email protected].