BETTY — the beloved indie rock trio that has been delighting both LGBTQ+ and mainstream audiences for nearly 40 years — will be in Philadelphia on May 1 to celebrate their 11th album, “Eat,” as the special guest for pop legend Kate Pierson of the B-52s at City Winery.
The award-winning group — sisters Elizabeth and Amy Ziff and their longtime friend Alyson Palmer — may be best known for writing and performing the iconic theme song to Showtime’s “The L Word” but their music has also been heard on “Ugly Betty,” “Encyclopedia” and numerous other shows. They’ve appeared or performed in films including “Life with Mikey” and “The Out-of-Towners,” as well as the hit off-Broadway musical “BETTY Rules.” At the urging of Gloria Steinem, the group founded the BETTY Effect, an organization that advocates for women, girls and the LGBTQ+ community.
I had a chance to talk with the delightful Alyson Palmer of BETTY about life, activism and allyship. Some responses have been edited for length or clarity.
I know you love Philadelphia, but where are you originally from?
Oh, that’s a big question Suzi. I was born in Washington, DC, but I’m a diplobrat, so every two years we moved to a different country. I grew up primarily in Southeast Asia. Before I was 21 years old, it’s the only place I lived longer than two years and so I know the Philippines very well. Other than that, I was bouncing all over the world.
Your dad was an ambassador. Any particular country?
He started off as a political science officer when we lived in West Point and in Denmark, he was a cultural attache. But then he became the ambassador to Malaysia, Mauritius and Togo.
And what about mom?
My mother was a beautiful, capable person, who unfortunately was trapped within multiple sclerosis. She could play anything. She could whistle, sing. She’s just the most incredibly talented person, but the multiple sclerosis closed her in further and further and caused depression. It was a very sad story, because she was a woman of such incredible potential. She just had no idea how brilliant and amazing she was, which is just the worst — the loss of self. From that, I think I really gained my passion for encouraging people to really and truly embrace who they are and what they have, and every small gift that makes them unusually them and to shine it out as bright as possible. I pour that into my children and I love doing that with audiences and with everybody. It’s one of the reasons why I am so passionate about the queer community, and all the people who dance to a different drummer than everybody else, those marching along in gray down a hateful path. Be who you are. Bring all of the greatness of who you are because when you light up the world, it saves everyone.
Tell me about little Aly. What kind of things were you into as a kid?
I loved exploring. I’ve always been someone who loves traveling and exploring and who loves to scare myself. I don’t know why I do it, because it’s horrible! I read a book called “My Side of the Mountain” when I was very little. It was about a little boy who lived in the woods by himself. He had a tree, and all these interesting different things. So I was always trying to build my own little world for myself out in the woods. It wasn’t hard to make friends, but I didn’t have any deep friends because I moved every two years. I got very comfortable being my own best friend and having fantasy adventures and all.
I started playing the guitar when my brother got an electric guitar for Christmas. I took his acoustic guitar and just started playing it. I didn’t realize how much of a friend an instrument could be. I could be in my room by myself and play songs. [Laughing] I loved playing songs that were so sad they would make me cry! I would try and find words that would be ripping my heart out. It was really fun. And I’ve always loved sports, so I was this sporty musical oddball from another land.
Tell me a little bit about your sibling.
I have an older brother who literally didn’t want to know that I was alive and yet he was the moon, the sun and the stars to me. I would follow him around and he’d be like, “Get away from me!”
I had one of those too. But I understand that you became the protector with your brother.
Yes, I love my brother. He’s very creative and very sweet, but not on this planet really. So, yes, I’ve always wanted to protect him. Because my father was physically abusive. He had incredible rage, and sadly, he would take it out on two little kids. And he was a big man — 6’3 and over 300 pounds. I assume now, with the fullness of time, being able to look back from an adult perspective that being an African American man in this all-white world was very stressful for him. To be so angry that you take a belt to a child, I’ll never understand. And so one time when he was doing that to my brother, I said, “No!” And I got in between the two of them. I was in fifth grade and much younger and smaller than my brother, but I said, “You will never do that again. If you’re going to hit him, you’re going to hit me too. You stop now.” And he did. And from that point, he never hit him again.
Brava! So how do you think being a child of the world influenced what you do, other than having a guitar as your friend?
I think that’s exactly what made a difference. The guitar was my friend and so I always felt comfortable playing guitar and singing. The other day, I was thinking about the first time I had a paid professional gig. I was 14, and I went on the Aldeguer Sisters variety show back when there were only three channels. In the Philippines, they were like Oprah. The entire country watched their show. I was 14 years old, and I played live on television with millions of people in the Philippines watching. I will never actually achieve that level of fame again!
The one language that everybody spoke, no matter where I moved, was the language of music. And that’s one of the reasons why I think I got along so well with Amy and Elizabeth, the other two members of Betty, right away. Their dad was in the military, and there’s something about growing up as an expat that just makes you different from the people that live here. If I had a magic wand that could do one thing, it would be to make sure that every single person in this country went outside of this country for a good six months. I really think we would be so much better if we could.
How did you meet Amy and Elizabeth?
Simply enough — they put an ad on the radio! I came home one day and as I’m talking to my mom, I put on the radio. [The DJ] said, “Hey, there’s a band called Lickety Split looking for a bass player who wants to play new wave punk music for their all-female band.” And for some reason, I wrote down the phone number. I was like, “Lickety Split is the worst name I’ve ever heard.” But I called up and got this young woman and we talked for an incredibly long time. Basically, I’m a very shy person but she had me laughing. She suggested we meet up so we planned an audition for that Saturday.
She happened to mention the fact that her sister worked at this place called The Bayou on Friday nights. So I went down there on that Friday. There were not very many people there, but Monique and I went out on the dance floor, and I was looking around to see if maybe there could be this other energy in the room from the sister. At one point, the two of us were dancing, and all of a sudden, this redhead comes out with her little friend, and we’re kind of having a dance off, never talking to each other, but like, you know, dancing hard on the other side of the floor. And so we kept checking each other out.
When I came to rehearsal the next day, turns out that was Elizabeth! So I met her on the dance floor before we even talked. Then I met Amy in person, had two auditions and I never left. We stayed up until probably one o’clock in the morning, talking about band names and laughing, the kind of laughing you do when you’re on the verge of throwing up, just had an unbelievable passion for each other immediately. The next day, they decided to move to D.C. so I got my car and moved them, and that was it. Next year is our 40th anniversary.
Wow.
I think it probably comes down to the fact that our core values are the same. And first among those has always been feminism. Like me, they’ve looked at the world and seen that it’s not fair. It’s just not fair for girls, and things are supposed to be fair. That’s what we fight for. That’s what we write our music for. That’s what we perform for — to put our energy into the world, to make it a more equitable place.
So how did you become such an ally for the LGBTQ+ community?
I liked girls and boys when I was growing up, like when you’re little, and you’re playing doctor and stuff. But I remember, there was a time when I took a trip around the world to visit my father in Malaysia. It was the first time I’d ever gone to India. When I got to India, I was there for a full day and at sunset, I realized that I’d never seen colors so bright and with such varied hues. I felt like I’d never used all of my senses before. There were new sounds everywhere. Every one of my senses came alive, and from that moment on, I’ve been a different person from having that experience in India.
The same thing happened to me the first time I ever went to Pride. I had plenty of friends that were gay, and we’d played music at one thing or another, but one of the first shows BETTY ever did was Pride in Washington, D.C., and again, all of a sudden, my sense of love, my sense of humanity, my sense of compassion, my sense of possibility, my sense of evolution — all of that burst open in a way that hadn’t existed before. It was almost like tripping. I saw immediately what the world was supposed to be, that everybody was meant to get along and supposed to love and appreciate each other. It brought me such incredible joy that I realized that I am a person who has to live in a world of color.
There are people in this world who are gray and who don’t understand, and they are at the greatest disadvantage. They have not lived. And part of living in color is making sure that you are open-hearted and compassionate to other people. Let them deepen you, which is why I always use the word “evolution.” I think that trans or nonbinary people have evolved to a whole other level. They’re saying, “See we can all be something richer than what you’ve ever thought possible. The best T-shirt I saw at Pride said, “Come to the gay side. We have rainbows!” It’s that simple. Why would you want to be anywhere that didn’t have rainbows!
Very true.
Sorry, that was a long answer! Can I tell you about my band?
Of course!
I am so fortunate to be working with these two people, Elizabeth and Amy Ziff. Amy has such a beautiful voice and writes music that I am in love with. Some of my favorite songs I’ve ever heard in my life are some of the ones that she’s written — “Houdini,” “Metro,” “Little Boi,” and on our new album, the songs “Eat,” and “Big Size Love” and just as I have a song to my daughter, she has a song to her daughter called “Saylor.” The way she constructs music, the way she uses words is just stunning. She’s also hyper verbal on stage too, and she’s hilarious. I think she’s amazing, and it’s great that 40 years have almost gone by and I still continue to be surprised by her.
And then there’s her sister, Elizabeth. When I first met them, I couldn’t tell them apart. They looked exactly the same to me. Even the tints of their hair were very similar. Elizabeth is our wild, fully committed and utterly authentic ball of energy. Sometimes, she absolutely has crossed the line and I have been horrified, but I love that it all comes from her truly great heart. She has this huge heart, and that sense of fairness I talked about before, and she’s constantly trying to better herself and find a better path for herself.
Even though the three of us disagree sometimes, I still appreciate them both so much for the talents they have and the adventures we’ve shared and the adventures that I know still lie ahead. There’s an expression. “All the people you have loved you haven’t even met yet” — and I feel that way about this band. All the adventures and the love that we still have ahead of us. I’m really excited about continuing that journey with them.
We could spend all day talking about some of the things that you’ve done.
I’ll tell you one thing. Elizabeth also writes really great, passionate music, like the song “It Girl,” which I love, and she was the main person behind “The L Word” theme song, which is one of the two songs that we’re known for more than anything else. Her energy is what really drives that song and it has opened up a lot of doors and a lot of hearts for us along the way. It’s really beautiful to be someplace like Cape Town, South Africa and have some drunk girl come up and throw her arms around me and hug me and say, “Thank you so much. That song was what I needed to change my life.” That kind of thing is such a gift. It’s an amazing bestowment from the universe. So I’m really excited about the fact that we’ve been part of a lot of people’s journeys with that song alone.
I just read that some folks decided not to perform at the Kennedy Center because of the Trump takeover. Has there been any place that you had to turn down?
No. We’re like, “Bring it on.” We actually played at a Christian college once. I think you can imagine how that went. We were singing our songs about strong women and coming out, all that stuff, and all these people were booing us, but we weren’t gonna stop. Someone in that room needed to hear it, and then they unplugged us! So there was no sound at all. We plugged back in again, and Elizabeth was like, “Let’s do it.” And we played a song called “It’s Gotta Be Sodomy” in the cafeteria of this Christian college with all the nuns and priests horrified. We played it as loud, and as hard as we could. Then all these great big guys with jackets that said “Jesus is My Rock” stood up in front of the stage, and started backing toward us. So we basically grabbed our stuff and ran out of there for our own safety. But we don’t say “No.” We say, “Bring it on.”
I love that.
I have to tell you something else. Someone that I knew from a very long time ago, sent me a picture today of the new baby in his life, and said, “This is why we still have to have hope, no matter what.” I said, that makes me remember that after September 11, New York was so beautiful. It was so tender and so caring. Complete strangers would break down crying, and others would go put their arms around them on the subway. I remember a lady was sitting on the side of a planter just weeping, and I said, “Do you need anything?” She’s like, “I just need a hug.” It was just such a beautiful, healing, amazing, alternate universe in New York City in the few weeks right after September 11.
And then Bush came in and declared war and everything changed. Instantly, there was anger everywhere, and there was that horrible fear that makes people act like monsters to one another and it was more than I could bear. I lost my mind, and said, “I’ve got to go somewhere where there were more stars than people, because I cannot handle humanity.” So I went out to the desert. I was just walking around the desert for a while and just trying to figure out what was going on. And I was like, “Universe help me. What can I do to make this world a better place?” And they said, “You have to bring more love into the world.” And I was like, “You mean, like, have a kid?” I’d never wanted to have a child, because, like I said, my mom had multiple sclerosis and my father was abusive, so I thought it was not in the cards for me to bring a child into this world, because who knows what could happen to them. But after that, I was like, “OK, if the universe decrees that my partner Tony and I shall have a child, then we will pour all the love we have into them and create a being that is so loving that it will actually tip the scale in the other direction.” And fortunately, we were lucky enough to do that.
Ruby was born in 2003 and then her little brother, Lake, was born after that. They’re both grown now. But the reason I tell the story is because we have to remember we’ve been here before. Things have been crappy before and somehow we found our way out, and we will find our way out of this as well. We have to remember there’s love out there. There’s hope out there. There is community out there. We’re seeing from these marches that when we get together, the many is greater than the money. And you know what? Our ancestors lived through much, much worse and got through this. So shall we.
Well, speaking of bright spots, we’re excited that you’re going to be here in Philadelphia on May 1.
Yes! I’m so excited, because we’re playing with our dear friend and pop legend Kate Pierson of The B-52s, who has a fantastic album out right now. And as soon as we heard it, we were like, “We’ve got to go with you on the road.” She’s got an incredible voice and has been writing these amazing songs, some of which she’s written with SIA. She’s an incredibly prolific artist, and that she’s still doing it after five decades is amazing. Dancing on stage, she’s just so joyous. So she’s got her “Radios & Rainbows” album, and we have our new album “Eat.” We’re hoping that all the people who ever came and saw us at Philly Pride, New Hope Pride, SisterSpace and all the other prides we’ve played in Pennsylvania, will come to the show.
Well, I’ve had the pleasure of seeing you several times, and I’ll be there!
My dad is from Pennsylvania, and I’ve got a nephew and niece who live there and a lot of old friends in Philly, including Henri David and Franny Price. [There are] so many people and places in Philadelphia that we just adore. Coming back is always fun. It’s going to be a party at City Winery!
OK, random question time. If you could journey into any song, which one would you go into?
Two just popped into my mind. Since we’ve been talking about color and the fantasy that is just beyond our own reality, the first one that popped into my head is Lucy in the “Sky with Diamonds.” And the second one is, “Pure Imagination” from “Willy Wonka.” [Laughing] But most of the songs that I love are really sad songs that I would not want to live within!
What song makes you cry?
There’s a song “Jesse” by Janis Ian that just breaks my heart every time I hear it. She sings, “Jesse, come home, there’s a hole in the bed where you slept. Now it’s growing cold.” That line just kills me every single time.
What’s your go-to karaoke song?
I mean, Irene Cara’s “Fame.” I love that song!
All right, so wrapping up, give me a favorite line or a motto.
“The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you” from L.R. Knost. Our conversation really makes me think of that, because right now, the world is broken and people are choosing darkness, and it is up to us to share our bright, beautiful, colorful light to expand lives and save our world.
And I look forward to sharing that light with Betty on May Day!
BETTY will perform with Kate Pierson of The B-52s at 7:30 p.m. on May 1 at City Winery Philadelphia, 990 Filbert St. For more information or to purchase tickets, visit citywinery.com.