Philadelphia is a city of firsts and oldests. Barbara Gittings, the “mother of the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement,” led progressive initiatives and edited the first widespread lesbian journal here. The oldest LGBTQ+ bookstore in the country, Giovanni’s Room, was founded in Philadelphia and is still open and operating.
In 1959, one of the first gay rights protests in U.S. history took place at Independence Hall, home to the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution. These are just some of the facts you’ll find in the Diversity Guide distributed and created by this week’s Portrait, Sheila Alexander-Reid, the executive director of PHL Diversity, Philadelphia Convention & Visitors Bureau. Some responses have been edited for length or clarity.
Where are you originally from?
I’m originally from Cincinnati, Ohio. But we moved to the DC area — Bethesda, MD — when I was 11. In Ohio, we lived in a primarily Black, middle-class neighborhood. In Bethesda, we were in an upper middle class, predominantly white neighborhood. I quite often was the only Black person in my class from 11 until I went away to college at 18. I think a lot of that is why I’m in DEI [Diversity, Equity & Inclusion] now. I didn’t really connect with my Black identity until college. You would think I would have been a little more in tune with myself and my background but I was so immersed in white culture that it became a part of who I was. Then I went to Spelman which is an HBCU [Historically Black College or University] and I got a little Blackness in my life to balance it out!
Tell me a little about the family. What did your parents do?
Well, my father was a Republican. [Laughing] I can only think of two, Sammy Davis, Jr., and my father, Arthur Reid. He was an attorney and came to Washington to work for Nixon. He switched parties when he saw the opportunity to stand out and he rose quickly in the party. My mother was a pediatrician and the only Black person in her entire class at University of Cincinnati. She was the first Black pediatrician in the city. But we all packed up our bags and moved, not to Beverly Hills, but Bethesda kicking and screaming the whole time. I was 11 and my brother was 12 and we have two sisters even younger. We were all annoyed at my father but he promised it would only be for a year or so. My father passed, but my mother’s 93 and still lives there! She worked for the National Institutes of Health on blood diseases and become the head of the Sickle Cell program. She fought to create Sickle Cell centers all over the country. That’s her legacy.
What’s an interesting story about a family member?
Hmm, my maternal grandmother was murdered by her second husband when my mother was 16. She had left my grandfather and her kids, and remarried and then left the person she remarried. He didn’t take it too well and stalked and killed her. He served time at the Eastern Penitentiary on Fairmount. So when I came here, it was surreal to see them doing tours and holding the Halloween event there. It was strange walking through, knowing that the man who took my mother’s mother away from her spent time there. It makes me feel like there’s a reason I’m in this area. I feel closer to my grandmother even though I never had a chance to meet her.
I understand that you got started by throwing parties in DC.
Yes, I started out doing parties and events and open mics. We started Women In The Life and held parties up and down the East Coast from NY to Atlanta. I also started a magazine shortly after I started the parties and that took on a life of its own. I did that for 10 years and then I started a nonprofit, Women In The Life Association.
Who was Wanda Alston and how did she change the trajectory of what you were doing?
Wanda was a very, very good friend and mentor. She was a 5’3 spitfire working with Patricia Ireland and NOW but had been moving away from that towards more activism in the Black community. She started working with me at Women In The Life when we were mostly doing events. She saw the impact we were having on Black lesbians and said, “You need to do more than just throw parties. You need to get politically engaged. You need to make sure these women vote, and make them aware of some of the issues we’re facing.” At the time, we weren’t even talking about marriage equality. It was domestic partnerships. You couldn’t say the word marriage or people would lose it — that “marriage is between a man and a woman” rhetoric. So she got me interested in the political world.
Nice.
She was killed by a neighbor who was high on drugs and there was a whole debacle with her family and her partner over the rights to her house and other things. That’s when I started the Women In The Life Association. Our first project was called “Wanda’s Will” and we brought in pro-bono attorneys to teach the community the importance of having a will. It was Wanda’s will that I do more than throw parties so the name had two meanings. Our next project was called, “No More Drama” and it addressed domestic violence in our community. A lot of people were just coming out and getting into toxic relationships after being cut off by their families for being lesbian. It was really distressing and no one wanted to talk about it. But the domestic violence rates in our own community were ridiculous and I said, “We need to talk about this and do something.” We raised money for shelters and programs and brought the subject out. And I followed in Wanda’s footsteps and later became the liaison to the mayor for GLBT affairs.
Ha, I forgot that it used to be that the G came first.
Yeah, and it’s funny. When we started the parties, it was in part because the only things available for women were clubs that were situated in dark alleys and unsafe parts of town. You’d have to go with 3-5 other people to make sure no one was harassed and then we started becoming mainstream. You could go to most clubs, even straight clubs, and be yourself. The sketchy areas where the clubs used to be were all being gentrified and people didn’t care about having a specifically lesbian club. Now people are longing for a place of our own again! But working for the mayor is what put me on the path to what I do now. I went from being an advocate for the Black lesbian community to being an advocate for the entire LGBTQIA+community. It helped me broaden my lens, which led me to get certified in DEI, which ultimately led me to the job I have now at PHL Diversity [a division of the Philadelphia Convention & Visitors Bureau].
Yes, tell me about the organization and what you do.
The organization started out as the Multicultural Affairs Congress in 1987. I point out the date because Philadelphia was thinking about Black and Brown people coming to Philadelphia, spending money and having a good time a long time ago. Many cities started a DEI task force or division after the murder of George Floyd but we’ve been doing it for a long time. My job is to bring people of color, and LGBTQ and faith-based people to the city. So when I’m out at a convention or talking to meeting planners, I talk about the fact that our city has a division created specifically to focus on the needs of Black and Brown attendees. Not too many cities can say that and they certainly can’t say they’ve done it as long as we have. It says a lot about this city. I came from DC, right? And my job is to sell this city to people who look like me or love like me. I was in sales for 32 years and I’m pretty good at it, but only if I believe in the product. So I go out and talk to people all across the city in Black communities, in Asian communities, in queer and faith-based communities, etc. to find out how we’re doing. I believe we’re doing a great job, which makes my job easier because I can talk about our city passionately and with integrity.
What three things do you like about Philly?
I love the fact that Philly has an area that is designated by the city as the Gayborhood. A lot of cities have their gay areas, the Castro in NY, Dupont Circle in DC, but to have the area named and recognized by the city is pretty impressive. It tells people that we’re not doing this performatively and combined with the whole, “Keep your history straight and your nightlife gay” campaign a while back, it shows intention by the city. And when you go to the Gayborhood, you’ll find a lot of gay owned businesses and that’s not the case in other cities. Another favorite of mine is Reading Terminal. Baltimore has Lexington Market and other cities have markets, but they just don’t compare.
Ha! I got cursed out by a vendor at Lexington for having the audacity to ask for tartar sauce to go with the expensive crab cakes I bought.
See, it’s just not a great place. Sorry Baltimore! The third thing I love about Philadelphia is the culture and the causes and celebrations that bring people together. I’m really struck by the way Philly has its own traditions and communities. When I’m speaking to people, I like to focus on areas that people may not be as familiar with. In fact, I created a guide called, “Discovering Diversity” and it has a list of things to do that are beyond the usual suspects. This list has things like the Johnson House, which was an underground railroad station, and Beyond the Bell, which does gay history tours, LGBT restaurants and a lot of history that’s not often spotlighted. In the back, it has a list of women-owned businesses, POC-owned businesses, LGBTQ-owned businesses so that we can support them.
That’s great.
I’m very proud of the fact that Philadelphia has been awarded as a welcoming city. We were also just voted the most walkable city in America and we are the first certified Sensory Inclusive City! It’s huge!
How did you come out to the family?
I wrote my mother a letter! I knew I was a lesbian at 26, which is late compared to people today. And I went to an all-girl high school and a women’s college so I was surrounded by women and still didn’t realize that I was a lesbian until later. There are parts of it that seem like the lost years that I’ll never get back. So what happened was I was driving down the street to work and there was an attractive woman at a bus stop. She was reading a book and she looked up and we locked eyes. She held my gaze until I almost crashed. I noticed that I had goosebumps on my arms and I was like, “What was that? What just happened?” And my next thought was, “Oh my gosh! You like women!” And that was the realization.
I started dating women but didn’t tell my family. I had a lot of “best friends” and “roommates” who came to family functions with me. But then after a breakup that left me heartbroken, I really wanted my mother’s comfort so I had to tell her. We went out to lunch and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say it out loud, so I wrote a letter. I handed it to her across the table and said, “I need you to read this.” I was an English major, so I was a really good writer! I talked about my grandmother, the one who was killed in Chester. I wrote, “Your mother had an independent spirit. She went against the grain and I feel like I have a little bit of her in me because I too feel like I’m going against the grain. I find myself attracted to women and though it’s different, there’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t want to lose your love or respect, because this is already tough.”
As she was reading the letter, I was sitting across from her with tears coming down my face, waiting for her to finish. Finally, she folded the letter and put it back in the envelope, looked up at me and said, “I’ve known that since you were a child. At 6, you were a little tomboy and my father told me, “I don’t think I’ll be getting any grandkids from Sheila.” I was like, “Why didn’t you tell me?!?”
I love it.
Yeah, but then she told me that I had to be the one to tell my father. I was like, “You tell him everything else I tell you in secret, why not this?” but she insisted I do it. So I took him out to lunch, no letter this time. I just sat across from him and said, “Um, Charlene is not just my roommate. She’s also my partner, because I’m a lesbian.” It was quiet for what felt like an eternity. He was a large man with a large personality, a devout Catholic and family man, and he looked at me and said, “As long as she treats you well, that’s fine with me. I don’t care who you love.” I was all prepared for outrage and an argument so I was floored. But having the support of my parents paved the way for me to come out to everybody. To meet people, I asked friends to come over and bring a few friends. Then the next month, they brought friends and it started becoming a thing. A year later, I was like, “Who are all these people in my house? We need a bigger venue.” And that’s how Women In The Life parties got started.
I understand that you’re engaged to Philly’s own Aishah Shahidah Simmons?
Aishah did a film called, “NO! The Rape Documentary.”
I was in it. We filmed at the historic Hatfield House when my mother was on the board.
No way! I didn’t know that! Well, Wanda heard about the film and suggested that I do a story on Aishah and the film for my magazine. We did the interview over the phone and later, I did a fundraiser for her. Years later, another friend helped reconnect us and the rest is history!
OK, random questions. What’s a historical event you wished you could have witnessed?
The March on Washington in 1963. I wish I could have heard Marion Anderson singing on the steps.
Did you have a piggy bank?
Yes, I had several because I would break into them before they were full! I was good at spending as a kid but not at being patient or saving.
Ocean or pool?
Pool. Sand annoys me and I have a bad knee so it’s hard to walk or stand on.
Something I meant to ask before. There’s a faction in politics that is trying to make DEI a bad word/acronym. How do you handle that?
The E in DEI stands for equity. I often say that if you have a problem with treating people fairly, you have a problem. I’m not here to change your mind. I’m going to focus on people who believe in equity and the power of diversity and more importantly the power of inclusion. Diversity is a fact, equity is a practice, and inclusion is an action. Belonging is a feeling, and accessibility is something we’re adding in now as well.
DEI is not just a slogan. It’s a business practice, a set of values to uphold. And it gives you an advantage over your competitors. I talk to meeting planners about having accessible events, a little effort means that more people can attend, and remember that not all disabilities can be seen, so that’s where the sensory friendly part comes in. But you’re right, the haters have done a great job of putting a negative spin on DEI, so the language is changing and it will soon be called “Social Inclusion.” So when you see that, you can say, “I heard it here first!”
For more information on PHL Diversity, visit discoverphl.com/meet/expertise/diversity/.