David Facciolo and Carl Minster love to bicker.
After 25 years together, the husbands, who practice law together at their firm Minster & Facciolo, LLC, have come to recognize and tease each other’s quirks; Facciolo refers to their banter as a “hobby.”
Even with this hobby, Facciolo and Minster stayed strong as Minster struggled with the decision to attend law school in Ohio — miles away from Facciolo. Back then, Minster believed his relationship would be over if he decided to attend law school there.
The couple bickered over this detail.
“He didn’t think I would make the 11-hour drive every other weekend to Cleveland,” Facciolo said.
Minster said all of the attorneys who graduate from the school stay in county to practice law. But Facciolo still tried to emphasize how he was willing to work around it.
“I had a fairly new car and was willing to put miles on it,” Facciolo said.
Minster does not miss a beat and recalled one incident where Facciolo visited him in Harrisburg, where Minster ultimately attended Widener University.
“Oh David, come on. Look,” Minster said. “The one time you took the train out to Harrisburg, you slept through the Harrisburg stop and went on to Lewistown and then called me and said, ‘I’m lost. Come and get me.’”
The couple will celebrate two anniversaries on Jan. 11. It will be 25 years since their first date and five years since their civil union in Delaware, which was backdated to a legal marriage once the right was legalized in the state in 2013.
A friend introduced Facciolo and Minster to each other with the intention of creating a romantic connection — but neither of them knew this detail until later. For several months, one person would be dating someone else, preventing them from getting together.
Eventually, Minster got Facciolo’s number but did not receive a response after two phone calls.
“After the third time, I flushed the number down the toilet so I didn’t make a fool [of myself],” Minster said. “Luckily, he called me back.”
From there, Facciolo and Minster shared a cup of coffee at the Last Drop Coffee House and then had drinks at a nearby bar. The two have been together ever since.
Facciolo eventually encouraged Minster to attend law school.
“He wasn’t winning any of the arguments until he went to law school. Now he wins about 50 percent of them,” Facciolo joked.
When Minster attended the Harrisburg campus at Widener University, he asked to be transferred to the Wilmington, Del., campus so he could be closer to Facciolo. Minster reminded the dean of the school’s nondiscrimination policy so he could successfully transfer.
The dean questioned the seriousness of their relationship, Minster said.
“I [told her], ‘Two turkey dinners every Thanksgiving,’” Minster said, referring to how he shares Thanksgiving dinners with both his family and Facciolo’s. “And she said, ‘That’s good enough for me.’”
The couple has their share of personality differences. Facciolo said his husband tends to talk about fun topics, while he chats about philosophy and other serious matters.
“We’re like Yin and Yang,” Facciolo said.
The duo also has their share of responsibilities around their home in Delaware — which they bicker over.
“We get along well. He knows I do everything for him,” Minster said with a laugh.
“The way it works is this: I take care of the cat,” Facciolo said.
“No. You clean the litterbox,” Minster interjected, referring to their 4-year-old tuxedo cat, Christopher.
The couple continued to banter about how Facciolo does all of the driving during weekend trips and how Minster does the cooking and laundry.
“If Carl dies, I’d have to hire a nanny and a business manager,” Facciolo said.
“And if David dies, I’m moving to Palm Springs, Calif., tomorrow,” Minster said, referencing where he plans to retire.
However, even with the bickering and bantering, the couple makes it work. Since they work out of two separate offices, with Minster in Philadelphia and Facciolo in Delaware, the duo enjoys coming home to each other.
“We’re also best friends,” Minster said. “If anything happened to him, I’d be losing my best friend also.”
“My mom said that when you get married, you have to marry someone who can be your best friend,” Facciolo added. “And I think that’s what we did.”
“I’d be lost without him,” Minster said.